Straight bro worries about wanting to boink his buddy, but studies show that’s actually pretty common

A 23-year-old guy who says he has never been attracted to men before recently asked VICE Italy, “What’s happening to me?” after admitting that he wanted to hook up with his bisexual male friend.

If anything, this advice seeker’s experience is quite common, especially as recent studies have shown that lots of straight-identified men feel attraction toward other guys.

“I’m having dirty thoughts about my friend – when I see him, when I look him up on social media, when I masturbate – ever since he broke up with his girlfriend six months ago,” the young man wrote. “He’s bisexual and has started hooking up with men too, so I keep thinking: ‘Why not with me?’”

Although the advice-seeker once publicly rebuffed his bi friend’s playful offer to skip the club and just go back to his apartment, the young man wondered whether it’s “possible to be straight” while also wanting to have sex with an “average looking” guy who he nonetheless finds “impossibly attractive.”

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The publication replied that a person’s self-assigned sexual orientation is circumstantially fluid over a lifetime and that “labels are descriptive, not prescriptive.” That is, such labels don’t necessarily predict what someone does in their personal life, and sexual behaviors can change over someone’s lifetime. For example, someone can identify as “bisexual” without ever having sex with a man.

VICE Italy also warned the young man that, if he has sex with his friend, he should try to remain present rather than disassociate or resist pleasure in a misguided attempt to ensure that he doesn’t enjoy it “too much” (thereby keeping his straight identity intact).

But perhaps the publication should’ve directed him to a recent study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior that showed that 13.2% of self-identified heterosexual men reported feeling attracted to other men.

Researchers found that such men were 55 times more likely than straight women to feel discomfort about their same-sex attraction. That discomfort is likely because such attractions create “discordant experiences,” “uncertainty,” and “ambiguity” about a heterosexual person’s self-concept, researchers said. Heterosexual people may also fear social backlash if they identify or act in any way other than heterosexually.

Sociologists and sexologists have even coined numerous terms for straight guys who occasionally get it on with dudes: there are “androphiles,” so-called “alt-right” gay men who dislike stereotypically gay things (like shopping); “g0ys” for misogynist homosexuals who fear anal sex; “mostly straight” men who we might otherwise call “heteroflexible”; and the straight guys who occasionally enjoy “buddy baiting,” “buddy sex,” or “just helping out a friend” but want to avoid any social stigma or relationship attachments around gay romance.

Some of these men want homosexual affection without being judged while others may want a kind of sexual gratification from guys that they can’t get from women.

Regardless, the 23-year-old advice seeker should probably just continue exploring his own feelings while gauging his bi buddy’s interest. Often, a queer friend can help others realize their own LGBTQ+ inclinations, but it’s possible to proceed in a mindful and compassionate way that doesn’t risk damaging a friendship or deciding too quickly on a brand-new sexual orientation.

Related:

Turns out a whole lot of straight people actually feel same-sex attraction, new study finds

A lot of straight people find same-sex folks attractive. So why aren’t more of them making out with us already?

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