Can a straight man have sex with another man and still be straight? That’s what one guy wants to know.
In a letter to his local advice columnist, Herald, the man explains that he’s been married to a woman for the past 15 years, but lately things have gotten a little, well, boring.
“Sex is fine but a bit boring and routine,” he writes. “She’s not into new things or experimenting so we do the same things all the time.”
Related: Straight guys confess their same-sex sexual encounters in candid new study
But it’s not just that. Lately, the man says, he’s grown curious about what it might be like to sleep with another dude.
“I’ve been getting more interested in the idea of having sex with men recently and have started going to places to watch men have sex,” he says. “It’s really exciting and I’ve had offers.”
Now he wonders: “If my wife can’t give me what I want, is it wrong to get it elsewhere?”
Of course, straight-identifying men being interested in experimenting with other men is nothing new. Numerous studies have been done on this in recent years, including a 2016 study by the CDC that found around 2.5% of straight-identifying men have engaged in gay oral and/or anal sex. A similar study in 2015 found that one in five men reported having engaged in a gay sex act at least once in their lifetimes. Then, of course, there are all those titillating rumors about bro-jobs and dude-sex.
Related: More and more straight guys are giving up “bro jobs” and engaging in “dude sex”
Now, let’s take a look at Herald’s response…
“The days of understanding attraction/orientation as binary are long gone, as we now know that orientation is a continuum,” he says. “At one end of the spectrum are the purely same-sex attracted, and at the other are the totally straight.”
Harold explains that it’s totally normal to “slide up and down the scale at different times in our lives, depending on how open we are to our fluidity.”
“There’s nothing wrong with gay sex or being attracted to men,” he continues, “but your situation is more complicated than that. You’re married, so going outside the relationship without the agreement of your wife, no matter who it’s with, is not okay. It’s cheating.”
Harold’s advice: ” Tell your wife how you feel about your sex life and be clear that you need more. But before you do that, take some time to understand your attraction to men because I suspect it may be more than simple boredom.”
Related: Straight Guys Reflect On Those Times They Had Gay Sex
DCguy
What a shock, another article from Graham Gremore about a “Straight Guy” who is really just a closet case.
Josh447
Perfectly reasonable, just make sure you clear it with the wife first. She would then have to get a sex change bc after all, the Bible says a woman is supposed to take care of and obey her man, or some such control freak directive that makes her the responsible scapegoat. I think the wife would even have to pay for it in this case. Time to put out grllll.
Kieran
De Nile is more than just a river in Egypt. You can only repress emotions for so long.
orlake
And a small town in northern Nevada [Denio]..
surreal33
So very true!!!
Sam6969
“The days of understanding attraction/orientation as binary are long gone, as we now know that orientation is a continuum,” he says. “At one end of the spectrum are the purely same-sex attracted, and at the other are the totally straight.”
Harold explains that it’s totally normal to “slide up and down the scale at different times in our lives, depending on how open we are to our fluidity.”
This Harold is an enlightened guy. I see he has well studied the subject and is not another ignorant and arrogant dude we find on so many forums…
Jaxton
All men have homosexual impulses – all.
And it’s really got nothing to do with identity politics . Impulse does not know politics.
In a way, heterosexual monogamy is a means of imposing the female nesting instinct on males. Her natural instinct is to nest, his is to have lots of sex with anonymous partners. Males and females are thus totally mis-matched in the sense of what rocks your boat on an everyday basis.
Men are naturally suited to men – the common binding force is the constant and compelling sex drive shared by men. Women find this extremely threatening as it destroys a woman’s control over men.
Homophobia is primarily a female value designed to maintain female privilege at the expense of the male homosexual impulse.
DCguy
No sweetie, that is your desperate explanation for why YOU have homosexual impulses.
Get used to it Brian, Jaxton, or whoever, you’re just another lgbt with some pretty obvious baggage.
Sam6969
what you do not get is the constructivist part of a sexual orientation, not only the essentialist one. In other words, the importance of the social environment in developping a particular gender and sexual orientation identity. What makes us block the actualization of our pansexual potential (aside from all labels) is in a large proportion due to our environment that puts pressure on everyone.
Politics in identities is part of the social influence (the constructivist approach), that makes us put locks on our sexuality and prevents us from fluidity in most people’ sexual orientation. By “sexual orientation” I include, here, the emotional and romantic attraction.
In the case of this straight married guy, we do not know where exactly he stands in the continuum(s), since he can navigate to an unknown degree through them.
DCguy
We know EXACTLY where this guy stands. He doesn’t want to have sex with his wife anymore, and instead of looking for another woman he wants to only look for sex with men.
It’s all of the mental gymnastics trying to avoid that simple fact that is ridiculous.
Jack Meoff
Great, another article by our straight obsessed resident ‘writer’ that shows some straight guy treating sex with men as some kind of consolation prize because his woman won’t give him what he needs. This obsession is so F’ed up.
dwdrums5723
I have always thought that who you choose sexually, men or women, we are all adults to make our own choices, and I know that I was attracted to the male sex way back in High School, and back then I made the choice to be with a guy friend of mine. In fact, I remember being the one to suggest that we try this out, and it worked. My choice.
Jay Ingram
I am a closeted gay man who has been married almost 20 years.
I have had sex with 8-10 of my straight married men friend, none of whom know about my other life (I have been in in a relationship with my best fiend from high school for 20 years),
Some guys are just horny but most will go either way, especially after getting drunk. Every one of my buddies has come back for more, one even brings videos that he secretly tape of he and his wife having sex. Since I had sex with her several times in college he knows it will be a turn on. He is right.
Before I get a bunch a judgmental comments, I don’t care for your comments. I tried being celibate for several years after we got married. I wound up drinking too much and taking anti-depressants. I love my wive both emotionally and sexually. But she is the only woman I would have sex with and the 2nd woman I have ever had sex with. There are a dozen guys I would go to bed with tonight.
That is how it is and I don’t have AIDS or any STD. I am also rated as a good looking stud by most women.
Berkleyguy
This is all too common these days. The adult book stores, gay porn theatres and bath houses are flooded with older men who are no longer having sex with their wives and they are either revisiting those early teen experimental days when they played with other guys at sleepovers, Boy Scout camp, etc. Or they are looking at man sex for the first time. And the above mentioned venues are swarming with guys that are more than happy to oblige. In the gay community, totally anonymous NSA sex is still around and very much alive. This is almost yesterday’s news.