Can a straight man have sex with another man and still be straight? That’s what one guy wants to know.
In a letter to his local advice columnist, Herald, the man explains that he’s been married to a woman for the past 15 years, but lately things have gotten a little, well, boring.
“Sex is fine but a bit boring and routine,” he writes. “She’s not into new things or experimenting so we do the same things all the time.”
But it’s not just that. Lately, the man says, he’s grown curious about what it might be like to sleep with another dude.
“I’ve been getting more interested in the idea of having sex with men recently and have started going to places to watch men have sex,” he says. “It’s really exciting and I’ve had offers.”
Now he wonders: “If my wife can’t give me what I want, is it wrong to get it elsewhere?”
Of course, straight-identifying men being interested in experimenting with other men is nothing new. Numerous studies have been done on this in recent years, including a 2016 study by the CDC that found around 2.5% of straight-identifying men have engaged in gay oral and/or anal sex. A similar study in 2015 found that one in five men reported having engaged in a gay sex act at least once in their lifetimes. Then, of course, there are all those titillating rumors about bro-jobs and dude-sex.
Now, let’s take a look at Herald’s response…
“The days of understanding attraction/orientation as binary are long gone, as we now know that orientation is a continuum,” he says. “At one end of the spectrum are the purely same-sex attracted, and at the other are the totally straight.”
Harold explains that it’s totally normal to “slide up and down the scale at different times in our lives, depending on how open we are to our fluidity.”
“There’s nothing wrong with gay sex or being attracted to men,” he continues, “but your situation is more complicated than that. You’re married, so going outside the relationship without the agreement of your wife, no matter who it’s with, is not okay. It’s cheating.”
Harold’s advice: ” Tell your wife how you feel about your sex life and be clear that you need more. But before you do that, take some time to understand your attraction to men because I suspect it may be more than simple boredom.”