As a general rule of thumb, it’s usually best not to fool around with your coworkers. One young man is learning that lesson the hard way.
The man, who identifies as straight, but who sounds more bi-curious, recently wrote into advice columnist “Deidre” at The Sun.
“I’m an 18-year-old guy and landed the job of my dreams working for a major men’s fashion store,” the letter begins. “My boss kept making sexual advances towards me. He’s married and in his thirties.”
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According to him, his boss started out by acting “really flirty” and eventually began inviting him out for drinks after work. They hung out a few times, and each time the young man says he “thoroughly enjoyed” it.
“On one of these nights, we had far too much to drink and were over the limit to drive,” he writes. “He suggested getting a room for the night. The drinks continued to flow in the hotel bar and we ended up having the best sex I’ve ever had.”
After their night of unbridled passion, however, the young man says his boss quickly lost interest in him.
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“He says he isn’t gay and doesn’t want to see or talk to me again,” the young man pines. “I didn’t think I was gay but I feel so confused and used. I’ve completely fallen head over heels in love with him but he just says it was a mistake.”
Deidre doesn’t waste any time sharing her thoughts about the young man’s boss.
“He sounds to be conflicted and in denial about his own sexuality,” she writes, “and I’m sorry you fell for his advances.”
“He should have known better especially since, as your boss, he is in a position of responsibility towards you,” she continues, before suggesting the young man file an official complaint with HR.
“This doesn’t mean your underlying sexuality has changed,” she concludes. “You’ve discovered an aspect you don’t seem to have been aware of before.”
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Brian JC Kneeland
Time for an HR complaint and perhaps a lawsuit (both could/may mean loss of the job).
Clark35
Does anyone actually believe this? Queerty must be having a slow news day if they have to resort to made up advice columns from UK tabloids.
Walter Butscher
Seriously???? You admit ” it was the best sex you ever had” the boss should have known better but so should you. You even state he was flirty and you hung out leave HR out of it. What were YOU looking to gain by hanging out. You want to be a grown up be grown up you made bad choices. Learn from it. The boss shows you no attention thats fine why do you need it? Do your job and perhaps maybe transfer if you are uncomfortable. It takes 2 to tango you both got drunk you both shared the bed. Being drunk is no excuse no DA would bring charges of a crime since you were both at fault. Sorry it happened but next time go out with co workers not the boss. And keep your pants on!!!!
Anthony Martini
Sounds sexy
Will Tom Hanse
my advice is: get out of the closet and do not fool yourself!
Ladbrook
As Monica learned way back in the 90’s, fucking your boss rarely works out. Someone needs a history lesson. Yeah, if all of this is true, then he should probably file a complaint, BUT he also needs to understand that he might end up looking like a liar or a stalker… just like Monica!
Plus, at 18, he is an adult, so technically he shoulders some of the blame. He wasn’t drugged and raped. He went willingly into all of this, claimed to have enjoyed it, AND is now “in love” with his closeted, abusive boss. He might want to consider a move to a more ethical environment and maybe chalk all of this up as one of those important “life lessons” we all eventually have.
ScottOnEarth
If this is even true, it was consentual so HR has nothing to do with it. Both men are adults and you can’t file a “jilted lover” complaint with your employer after you willingly sleep with someone who later dumps you. Don’t sleep with your damn boss.
petensfo
I’m sorry… why is he going to HR? Because the guy no longer has interest in him?? Is that really enough?
He’s 18, which is very young even if it makes him an adult, and he’s learned a valuable lesson. But he’s also old enough to understand that he’s been a willing participant throughout.
And here’s a tip… if you have your ‘Dream Job’ at 18, you definitely need to set your goal a bit higher.
Tayler James
18 goin out and gettin drunk with hot boss!
Glücklich
@petensfo:
“…if you have your ‘Dream Job’ at 18, you definitely need to set your goal a bit higher.”
SNAP! Got a chuckle out of that.
Bauhaus
Boss sounds like a dick – both seem immature. Boss shouldn’t be trolling for sex with those he directly supervises and employee needs to learn what hooking-up means. Unequal power and sex in the office tends to be a complicated, ahem, sticky mess. Lesson learned, I hope.
Mykaels
He needs to go to HR because god knows how many times the boss has fucked one of his male employees and how many times he will do it again. The boss’ behavior needs to be checked. You wwant to pick up guys outside your straight marriage, go to a gay bar or go online. Do NOT flirt with your coworkers/subordinates!
That said, this was not rape, the young man was not violated. He was used for an easy quick pick up. Now he needs to analyze himself, comes to terms that he is probably bi, and live life. Move on.
myloginname
I always had luck sleeping with the boss and coworkers. My advice, try again.
Nate Valriz
I hate these men labeling themselves straight when they’re obviously not. Cowards
onthemark
“He’s married and in his thirties.”
We might need a new way to phrase this. In real life I hear more & more, “he’s married… to a woman” (mini-micro-pause in the middle).
sportyguy1983
What an idiot. Does he really need advise And to be told never to sleep with another person’s husband/boyfriend?
Glücklich
@myloginname:
Coworkers, yes. But no one with whom I’ve ever had a reporting relationship up or down.
@Bauhaus:
Oh have I got stories.
Nathaniel McManus
The moral of the story: don’t sleep with family, or your boss. ð???
onthemark
Considering the recent Whisper stories about unrequited lo-o-o-o-ve, maybe this kid is ahead of the game. Otherwise he’d be like: “I can’t stop thinking about my boss. He’s married and in his thirties. I’m straight but he’s the cutest guy I’ve ever seen. I’m so distracted at work and I have a hard-on all the time. I’m so in love with him. Even though I’m straight.” – blah blah blah. (Barf.)
At least he got it over with!
Bob Ameral
Not good
Brian
A night of unbridled passion between two men is common. When straight-identifying guys get horny, the sky’s the limit. They often 69, each spreading the other guy’s cheeks to get at the rose.
Glücklich
@Brian:
Jason Smeds, is that you?
Elvis Aaron
Juicy
Joseph T.D. Anaya
Is being labeled any form of bisexual that terrible? Seriously a straight man does not engage in sexual activities with other men let alone actually enjoy it or in his words, “we ended up having the best sex Iâ??ve ever had”.
The only group of people I feel horrible for is that married man’s family.
Brian Johnson-Frazier
Welcome to our world lol
Brian K Combs
Go straight to the next 1
Raphael
Complaint with HR!? He should have complained at the beginning. The sexual advances did not seem a problem until they have sex and he get rejected.
William David French Jr
Clearly he isn’t “straight”. A truly straight man would never have consensual sexual contact with another man. Just like a truly gay man would never have consensual sexual contact with a woman.
Brandon Daniel Torres
I don’t think one time engaging in gay sex makes you gay just like I don’t think a gay guy having straight sex once makes him straight. Sex is more complex and fluid than a one night stand.
Yianni Christakis
To quote the non-Geico insurance commercial “that’s not how any of this works!”
Raúl Hernández
“Straight”
jwtraveler
@onthemark: “He’s married and in his thirties.”
Yes, you’re definitely “on the mark”. I find it fascinating that, despite the obsession with gay marriage this century, Queerty and its readers still have not caught on to the fact that the word “married” no longer means that someone is in a relationship with someone of the other sex. My initial reaction to this story was that the “married boss” was cheating on his husband.
Paul Smyth
Masc Pride
@Nate Valriz: Sexuality is complex, and orientation is a self-identification. I’m bi because I’m open to LTRs with women and men, but I know a lot of guys who enjoy physical encounters with men but aren’t interested in romantic relationships with other men at all. I definitely wouldn’t say they’re gay, and I’d even feel inaccurate labeling them bi. Where else does that leave them? Even in the community we say being gay is about more than just whom you sleep with.
Frank Croix
If your going to cheat on someone, leave them first.
Masc Pride
@William David French Jr: There’s actually an interesting porn trend of really butch lesbians being mostly mouth-f*cked by men. Are they not lesbians anymore?
Braxtor Bradley
unbelievable how some ppl can be such an ass
pjm1
heck, i am a straight guy also, just ask my husband.
Rudy Labsilica
So did he get a “raise?” ð???
Ryan Carden
Yawn. It sounds a penthouse letter.
trilingual1946
If this happened in the UK the law on these issues may be different than in the U.S. Although this young man had sex with his boss voluntarily and even enjoyed it, he’s not free of consequences from the encounter. Because his boss is married and has made it clear that he doesn’t want further involvement with the young man, the situation has the potential for becoming ugly down the road. The young man could suddenly find that he is getting bad performance evaluations as a result of the incident and then is terminated, even if his performance is actually excellent.
My advice is that the young man seek legal advice to protect himself. He probably doesn’t wish to file a complaint against his boss at this time, but at the least he should write an affidavit (with the help of the lawyer) setting out what happened, so there is a contemporary record of the incident. Under no circumstances should the young man, who has developed a crush on his boss, do anything that could be considered “stalking” the man. In consultation with his lawyer, the young man should consider sending a “lawyer letter” to his boss, stating that there was a consensual sexual encounter on such-and-such a date, that the young man doesn’t intend to file a formal complaint at this time, and that the letter is merely to confirm that the incident happened. The letter should also state clearly that the young man understands that his boss doesn’t wish to continue the relationship, wishes to keep the encounter private, and that the young man will keep all of their future interactions strictly professional and business-related.
This may seem like a lot to do, but unless the young man acts to protect himself his boss has the upper hand in the situation and can potentially damage his life and career in catastrophic ways. Even though the young man bears some blame for the incident, the legal bottom line (at least in the U.S.) is that the boss was his superior at work and used his position to get close to the young man and get him into bed. Although the young man consented, in this case, what would he have done if he hadn’t really wanted to have sex with his boss? Would he have felt free to say “no?” Would there have been adverse consequences if he had turned his boss down? What would happen down the road if they continued having sex but the young man finally decided against it and said “no?” What will happen if, despite his protestations, the boss changes his mind and seeks sex with the young man again?
As you can see, even though this is may be a fun fantasy for a porn movie, in real life it can turn into a really bad soap opera or even a slasher movie! This is why it’s usually a bad idea to get sexually involved at work, and especially with one of your bosses! Of course there are times it all works out well and there’s a fairy-tale ending, but those are usually the exceptions, not the rule. The easiest way to avoid finding yourself in this situation is to just say “thank you, but no.”
Bostonboy617
@Clark35:
Thank you for stating the obvious. This article read like the worst gay novel ever. I’m ashamed to have joined the reading… UGH!
Shame, shame on Queerty for falling for such obvious bullshit.
Denis Troy Amador
Here is my advise ” you are a slut w no morals. Embrace it. Should have thought about consequences when u had his dick in your ass “
Bauhaus
@Bostonboy617:
The letter may or may not be bullshit, but if you think this type of thing doesn’t happen at work, think again.
DJalicious
I worry more for him falling in love with someone that is clearly not available nor treating him in any sort of positive way. I hope he can find the confidence and self esteem to keep away from this bad emotional situation and be able to focus on the job. All the best
James Sigmon
Does anyone actually believe this? Queerty must be having a slow news day if they have to resort to made up advice columns from UK tabloids.
James Sigmon
The moral of the story: donâ??t sleep with family, or your boss. �???
M K
Clearly this is some lonely writers fantasy – poorly written. This would have never happened a described.
Justin Weeks
Get his ass fired rape rape rape love me or rape rape rape lol
GayEGO
What is your boss’s husband’s name? Is he cute? :>)
captainburrito
He won out of this. He learned that men can be dawgs and he learned how great gay sex was. What would really be the reasonable grounds for complaining when it was consensual?
Bornwired
Wow. In the movies, it always works out. /sarc lol
Titilating story. If real, he may have been used…might have a case. Otherwise he had “the best sex of his life”…hard to complain too much about that. And he now has a better idea of what he likes, haha. Ain’t life beautiful.
Chris
I’d say: Ask yourself what you want out of this. Once you are clear on that, then ask whether or not it is achievable.
To protect yourself regardless what you decide to do, you should inform HR and get your side of the story on file. This may not be the first time something like this has happened. If so, then HR needs to take steps to protect the company.
To be really vindictive, you could inform your boss’s spouse, preferably anonymously.
To push the reset button because you’ve actually learned something from this experience, find a new job elsewhere and leave without looking back.
Captain Obvious
If this is real it’s just another case of a young person being taken advantage of by a much older guy in a power position. An 18 year old really doesn’t know any better, hasn’t lived, much yes even started a mortgage. And the idiot who blamed the 18 year old doesn’t have a clue. There’s a reason older men go after people under 25 and it’s not because they “know better”.
Knowing the internet this is probably fake, but I’ve been hit on by a few married guys before. And I think we all know there are plenty of married people who cheat. In fact some of them are flat out nasty and just try to get it any way they can… even in a bathroom stall.
rikard
he needs to stop saying stupid things. no one gets seriously drunk and has the best sex ever, maybe the first good sex ever. you don’t fall head over heals for a guy who used his power to manipulate you into throwing your legs in the air, you get blinded by lust. he has a lot to loose by admitting he orchestrated such a craven plot. don’t let him have control any more. just sidle up to him and whisper “that was a cold way to treat a subordinate. it would be terrible if anyone found out. good thing i have that semen stain on the blue dress i was wearing to prove it was you.”
crowebobby
Someone else may have already asked, but where can you drink at 18 in the U.S. Or is this in some other country?
dvlaries
Sounds like the episode of Mad Men where Sal is ambushed by the closet gay head of Lucky Strike when they’re alone together. Sal was gay, closeted himself, and refused. Then the cigarette CEO makes sure Sal is fired from advertising agency that has his account. But Sal probably would have found himself soon fired even if he had gone along with the pass, because yes or no, afterwards he would be a threat to any closet case.
*
A married closet case is trouble enough; one that can also mess with your ability to earn a living is simply too much. Start shopping for a new job, and don’t let this happen again. Like Olympia Dukakis remarked in Moonlighting, it’s something even animal mothers teach their young: don’t shit where you eat.
charlie_jackpot
He should act like he’s not interested anymore and the married guy will come running. He wanted you because you were resisting him, you were a game that he won. Start looking for a new job
penisland
@Brian JC Kneeland: That’s terrible advice. Why do that if it will cause him to lose his job?
Sluggo2007
Did you ever hear the old saying, “You don’t shit where you eat?”