New York magazine has a regular series called Sex Diaries, and it’s exactly what it sounds like.
A guest writer documents a week’s worth of sexual thought and activity — all the hot, messy, depressing, ecstatic and embarrassing ingredients that make up a sex life.
And while they usually chronicle the expected chaos of trying to “figure it all out,” with titles like The College Student Choosing Between Three Men or The Nice-Guy Bachelor Who Wants a Girlfriend, occasionally someone breaks the mold.
Enter this weeks contributor, The Gay TV Producer Subsisting on Sex Parties.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
His story reads like the plot of a movie you have to stay up extra late to catch on Showtime, which isn’t to say it’s all that interesting — just extra steamy.
There’s the lunchtime hookups, the crowded sex parties, the reference to his three-month boyfriend as his quote — boyfriend — end quote.
But it’s hard for us not to notice his qualm-free attitude as he navigates emotions and sexual escapades.
And straight commenters took note as well:
misspiggy wrote:
This makes me jealous. Being a woman involves so much more analysis and so much less action. Exhausting.
to which DCSpence replied:
Don’t worry. Us straight men are just as jealous.
RightyTightyWhitey agreed, chiming in:
Man, I sometimes wish I were a gay dude. Certain things would be so much easier/simpler.
And DCSpence had a lot more to reply to:
Totally agree. One the one hand, it’s difficult, and possibly offensive, to say I wish I was gay. Being gay in the US is a lot better than it used to be, but there still exists the very real possibility of discrimination or worse.
On the other hand, it’s pretty difficult to argue that gay men are not having more fun with sex than straight men are. That’s pretty incredible, considering it was not that long ago that gay sex was considered a death wish. My best friend is a gay man and the stuff I hear from him and his gay friends [some of whom have become my friends] is pretty damn impressive. Including the married ones.
When the right-wingers were arguing that if gays could marry, it would change marriage for ever, I was thinking: GOOD! I’m a married straight man and I know marriage could use a little shaking up — gay dude style! I’m convinced a lot of right-wingers hate gays [especially gay men] because they know gay men are having more fun than they are.
Gay dudes — you’re showing us straight dudes how the world should be. I’m jealous, but in a good way. Carry on!
WASPyJewess had a one-word answer:
BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Assuming the diarist was telling the truth when he said he always plays safe, we tend to agree with Waspy Jewess on this one.
Eli Marcano
On one hand you have sexual liberation on the other hand you have the stereotype of the sex famished gay me
BritAus
What’s Edgar Ramirez (guy pictured) got to do with the article?
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Sooo not about that life; I’m unable to divorce sex from emotions…particularly with guys. I catch feels easily and am not even a bottom! I prefer keeping my porn *as* porn and treating real humans as ends in themselves not as fleshy masturbatory friction receptacles. To each his own tho!
Chris
Not all gay men engage in the level of promiscuity as the writer above. As is true for straights, many of us do not have his personal mix of desire, identity (what some call “morals”), opportunity, flexible work-place hours, and a bunch of other stuff that enables him to get it on as frequently as he does. And kudos to him, by the way, for being able to act on his desires as frequently as he does.
But also, let’s be real. Lots of straights who have the same sort of flexible schedules could engage in the same kinds of promiscuity in their lives. All they need to do is act on their own sexual desires in the face of (hundreds if not thousands of years of) social pressures not to do so, and they need to create and find the opportunities to do so.
Many of us gay men grew up in a time when we were told — by every homophobic message, person, and image round us — that we should repress our own sexual desires. Not surprisingly, when we acknowledged our sexual desires as an important part of who were are, we also overcame social and family pressures against heterosexual promiscuity. We sort of got a twofer out of the deal.
At least I see myself as free to act on sexual desires when and how I see fit. [Yeah, yeah: condoms, safely…]
Chris
@Chris: Just re-read this post. Apologies to y’all for the lousy style. Not enough coffee yet.
RLS
You know who he didn’t have sex with at all? His boyfriend. I don’t judge because God knows I’d been around the block by the time I met my guy, but I will say that if monogamy is a goal (and I understand that for some men it isn’t), getting too attached to cheap, random sex is going to make that transition much harder once you do find an amazing guy.
If I had the last 14 years of my life to do over again, I’d cut down my sexual partner number by 75% and focus more on relationships than sex.
Laurent LeMagnifique
Straight women and men are not missing that much. It is all about quality not quantity. : )))
Atrius
If you have to wish you were a gay dude then you recognize that you aren’t one. So much for the idea it’s a choice!
Billy Phelps
I think that gay or straight, it’s a certain kind of person who has the kind of sex described in this article. It’s really about personality, not sexuality. I’m way too lazy to work in “lunch time hookups”.
Ladbrook
As I told my straight best friend and office mate (who was often enraged at how easy it was for me to get laid with online apps/sites)… “Gay men have one very easy advantage over straight men: women are not part of our equation.”
Straight men have hurt themselves and continue to do so by their continued use of the stud/slut dichotomy. They scream about not getting laid, but as soon as they find a willing participant, they insist on telling all of their friends how “trampy” so-and-so is. If they would just respect the very women they sleep with, they’d have a lot more sex and a lot more choices. They have only themselves to blame.
Kangol
Gay liberation lives! Just play safely, know your serostatus and assess the risks, and have fun! Especially when you’re young and can get lots of sex for free.
Mykaels
I often say, it would surprise many to learn just how many of us gays are monogamous, boring individuals sexually, and how many straights are promiscuously oriented. I, a gay man, tend to not sleep around and date one guy at a time, whereas most of my lesbian friends are mowing a different lawn every week.
tdh1980
While I would say that it’s generally easier for gay men to have this type of sex life for the reason that @Ladbrook stated, I also think, like @Billy Phelps, that regardless of sex or sexual orientation, it takes a person with a particular type of personality or temperament to engage in it. I’ve forgone opportunities to have these kind of multiple daily dalliances because for me it takes too much effort, and they’re rarely as satisfying — again, for me — as fantasy would suggest.
Jose R Negron
I would not be flaunting this one. It only serves to promote negative stereotypes about our community.
gaym50ish
Gay men are not promiscuous because they’re gay — they’re promiscuous because they’re MEN! In a heterosexual encounter, isn’t it ALWAYS the woman who says no? So, when two gay males are attracted to one another, who’s going to say no? In fact, they know from the first kiss that they’re going to end up in the sack.
And what about those bathroom encounters or blowjobs in the bushes? Well, the fact is that gay men have no problem going straight to the genitals with no foreplay whatsoever. Just try that with a woman and see where it gets you.
Straight men are not really jealous of gay men, but they are jealous of the ease in which we hook up. Straight men would love it if that were possible for them, but it’s not because they have to deal with women instead of other horny men.
Captain Obvious
I love when straight people pretend not to be whores with a literal sea full of fish and their obsession with the unrealistic gay whores who use up their pond full of trout rather quickly. Give me a break.
Once you’ve run through every petri-dish on Grindr you’ll have to either look for a real relationship or settle for being alone and trying for every baby-gay you come across until they’re no longer interested.
The gay whore stereotype isn’t really a thing despite everyone gay and straight trying to make it happen. The population isn’t big enough to support the silly fantasy.
Cagnazzo82
Straight men and women apparently don’t realize they’re comparing their ocean of marine life to the gay local bucket of fish.
AtticusBennett
dear straight guys, you can always fool around with each other. it’s only gay if you’re gay. other than that, think of it as a massage with benefits. come on. you know you want to.
dm10003
What also drives straights crazy with jelousy is no expensive dinners or gifts and no paying cash for sex!
dm10003
@dm10003: jealousy
Curty
What I don’t understand is heterosexual people are and can be as sexual active as gay men. Look at all of these athletes, actors who have so many kids or marriage after marriage or a different woman every Few months. So I don’t think that is accurate on both ends… and not every gay male is very sexually active.
redcarpet30
@AtticusBennett: And be sure to record it and post it to xtube!
pattygale
I have had a very active and satisfying heterosexual sex life over the years but since I started following a very hot, social gay musician, I spend a lot of time wishing I believed in reincarnation, in which case I would do everything in my power to come back as a smart, cute gay guy just to have an opportunity to get a shot at one or some of the gorgeous hunks, or mini-hunks, who are always getting their pictures taken with him for one social media format or another. Just saying……..
Doughosier
Being attractive, young and gay is a great gift. I have a married straight friend and we were talking about how many sex partners we’d had up till then. We were both 40 years old at the time. I don’t consider myself super promiscuous or anything but o was shocked he had only been with 4 women. I think I lost track at 100.
Billy Budd
I’ve been promiscuous in the past (00´s) and I had A LOT of fun. I don’t regret anything I did.
Bauhaus
“Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one home, I’m tired.”
– Mae West
bottom250
Ohhh Honey we have adventures you can’t imagine and things going places you can only dream off.
Stephen Holdsworth
SEXCAPADES IS A WORD Mat Luka Dan Papaly
jason smeds
Men are constantly horny. Thus, they match each other. Therefore, when it’s male-male sex, the men don’t need to pay for it. They will have sex together for free at almost any time.
On the other hand, a man who wants sex with a woman often has to pay for it. Her sex drive is nowhere near as constant and compelling as his, and thus he has to extract consent from her through the use of inducements. When she’s ready, she’ll consent to sex, but not before.
This innate, biological difference between the sexes basically explains the battle of the sexes: he is constantly battling to obtain sex from her.
In our male-male environment, there is no such battle. The lack of battle is a source of envy – and anger – to those who look at us.
seaguy
This certainly won’t do anything to dispel the myth that all gay men are sluts who sleep around like whores.
Mercurical Memo
@jason smeds: are you serious? Seriously, are you serious? There are hierarchies, and wars and angst amongst gay men also, FYI. Not everyone at the bar or the bathhouse is in community with each other. Gay men are subjected and subject others to horrific judgements that veer on bullying that lead to insecurities about bodies, race, class, etc. that’s fact. Which is why there are plenty of complaints about racism, femme phobia, ableism, etc. from and amongst gay men. Socio-biology which is what you are describing is not relevant to gay men because your battle of the sexes there was not constructed with gay men in mind.
gaym50ish
@Mercurical Memo: You have completely misunderstood what jason wrote. He did not imply that every gay man is attracted to every other gay man — that would be ridiculous. What he’s saying is that the natural libido of men enables guys who ARE attracted to one another to skip the candy and flowers and go straight to the sex.
That is usually not possible for straight guys because women often need an emotional attachment in order to have sex.
Mercurical Memo
@gaym50ish: again, that’s a lot of pseudoscience babble not based on fact but ridiculous ideas of gender construction. Just another article here on queerly goes on about the dominant top that wants to be snuggled. Men are not cold hard f**k machines. Some people are, and that includes women. If gay men were these machines that just screw and are void of emotion as you are now suggesting, then again there’d be no messy entanglements amongst gay men. And there, I’ve seen them. If ‘men’ could just screw like a light switche then there would not be as many sexually frustrated people on grindr hating each other. If women demand that men invest in them, well they only have patriarchy to blame. These ‘purchases’ men have to make for women is nothing more than century old manifestations of dowry and caste systems. Or, stupid socio-biologists that suggest women are so myopic as to require rigid standards of selection for the ‘right’ man in order to put out.
Seriously, you guys need to study your doctrines before spouting them out as simple answers. And for gay men to spout that crap? Really. Who’s it going at popping babies through your anuses?
bottom250
Men love sex and are driven by it. There is a reason you don’t hear about women cruising for sex at rest stops or in parks. Thank you men for the years of satisfaction you have given me. You are all sweethearts.
Jacob23
@bottom250: How many STIs have you contracted? Even though all those men who f*cked you don’t care about you, you’ll never be lonely with all of those bacterial and viral pathogens coursing through your veins and nesting safely beyond the brain-blood barrier. They will be your partners in life.
Tobi
@Jacob23: If you live your life in fear, you don’t actually live. Oh, and did I miss where @bottom250 said he didn’t play safely?
Jacob23
@Tobi: Yeah, unless you are having sex with multiple partners, you just ain’t livin’! Let us all remember the first group of PWAs in the US, interviewed by the CDC in 1983. Median age: 32. Median lifetime number of sexual partners: 1,160. They were livin’ life man! Well, for another 12 months or so anyway.