Take a scroll through the posts there, and you’re bound to see countless memes from straights who are apparently miserable. (Or, to borrow a turn of phrase from the Bifocals podcasters, “it would seem that the heteros are upseteros.”) And these straights are expressing that misery through sexist, misogynist, transphobic, homophobic, and otherwise icky humor.
Then again, if straight people are acting out, perhaps it’s because they’re afraid for their very existence. Remember, according to Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, the cishet human is an endangered species. “Probably in about four or five generations, no one will be straight anymore,” Greene said in a speech to her supporters in May. “Everyone will be either gay or trans or nonconforming or whatever the list of 50 or 60 different options there are.” (Um, far more than 50 or 60, MTG, but that’s a start!)
Or maybe the straights getting rowdy because they’re not as straight as they presumed themselves to be: Recall that recent University of Sydney study that found that people went from straight-identified to straight-ish after merely reading a one-page documents about varying sexualities.
In any case, Twitter users are doing their best to understand straight-person behavior… and still coming up empty. Observe the tweets below, which beg for answers about the heteros among us.
look, I love the straight community. some of my best friends are straight! there's even one straight guy at work, Ben, he's so colorful! but enough with the photos of you guys kissing all the time. we don't need to see that. why do straight people throw it in your face so much?!?
— Lane Moore?NYC 10/1, PDX 10/15 (@hellolanemoore) June 30, 2021
why do straight people always need to say “ah sadly i’m straight” why are you sad?? honestly what are you sad about?? being accepted by society?????
— dori (@braveforIouis) August 9, 2021
Why do straight people have to tell me they're straight? Like, calm down, Janessikaren, complimenting you doesn't mean I want your vagine.
— ? Damon the Frightfully Injurious Meat Popsicle (@moonbornewriter) August 8, 2022
— ryandvictor (@ryandvictor) August 16, 2021
gay people why are straight people so obsessed with our lives
— Trixie Mattel™ (@trixiemattel) July 17, 2022
why are straight people having a manipulative-off when it comes to dating? ? https://t.co/B3U5VUKlFI
— 5hahem aka Dr. Durag (@shaTIRED) July 8, 2022
Straight couple behind me on the bus are giving eachother these super loud lip-smacking kisses I feel sick
Why are straight people like this? At least when gays finger bumholes in public it's discrete and silent
— LUKE ?? (@LukeCB_) March 4, 2022
Why are straight people so confused by bisexuality? Was at work and my coworker was like
“… said she was bi but she is dating a girl now so idk if she is a lesbian now”
— mickey ? (@ImposibleOswald) September 16, 2021
Why are straight people hung up on LGBTQ folks having a coming out story? Why do you wanna know how and why which genitals we decide to put out mouths on?
— TEE FRANKLIN HARLEY QUINN WRITER (@MizTeeFranklin) December 20, 2021
why are straight people so weird https://t.co/I90qw4ZS2B
— Gaby Ugarte (@hockeynuisance) June 18, 2022
why are straight people so loud when they talk.
— brie skull emoji ? (@bonkey_bong) April 8, 2021
Why do Straight people think the LGBTQI+ Community need their permission to exist?
— Feminist Witch (@DonCorleANN) September 5, 2021
Why do straight people have to announce they aren't gay so often? It's weird.
— dr. jenn m. jackson (@JennMJacksonPhD) August 26, 2022
Why do straight people insist on walking when they clearly have nowhere to be? pic.twitter.com/OvfoUHuGXl
— Yvie Oddly (@OddlyYvie) January 2, 2022
why do straight people talk about marriage like its a forced death sentence? do they know they don't actually have to get married??
— is ?? (@issykiwi) January 16, 2022
why do straight people want to party on a boat so bad. like are you sure ?
— sofía (@nanastudioz) August 19, 2022