“No Blacks.” “No Asians.” “No Hispanics.” “Whites only.”
Is it racist? Or is it a preference?
If you ask Joel Simkhai, the millionaire CEO of Grindr, he’ll tell you it’s preference. In a December 2016 interview with Broadly, he said, “To say, ‘I’m only into black guys’—is that a bad thing? I think we should allow you to say that, because that’s your preference.”
But ask anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of the “No (insert any racial minority)” argument and they’ll likely tell you otherwise.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
In a new op-ed for his college newspaper, Gregory Ragaza says “gay people can be pretty damn racist.” Which is surprising, he says, given the bigotry they themselves have had to suffer over the years.
Ragaza writes:
The biggest problem about this issue is that they are either oblivious to their racism or in denial of it. In both cases, they tend to hide behind the guise of it’s a matter of “preference” and not racism. Putting phrases like “no Blacks, no Asians, only White” on your dating profile are pretty bold statements that mirror the signs that were posted in front of stores during the segregation era America once lived through.
And he’s right. Does anyone honestly look at these Jim Crow era photographs today and think they’re anything but racist:
“It’s completely understandable to not be attracted to individual guys,” Ragaza says, but “saying a certain ethnicity, essentially excluding a whole group of people, isn’t your type is drastically different from picking particular details from individuals.”
He continues:
As a gay man of color living in the Bay Area, which is arguably one of the most diverse and accepting cities in the U.S. I, too, have experienced my fair share of racism within the gay community, not only on dating apps but also at bars and nightclubs. Personally, it feels like a double whammy. Not only do we deal with homophobia but we get the added racism as a cherry on top of being part of the “white” culture.
And he’s not alone in feeling this way. Earlier this year, psychotherapist Matt Dempsey sat down with several of his non-white gay friends to talk about their personal experiences with prejudice in the gay community:
“While rejection will always sting,” Ragaza writes in his op-ed, “it feels like you’re being stabbed when being rejected due to your ethnicity, race, or the color of your skin.”
He concludes: “Only the individual who feels the need to announce to the world that they don’t date Asians, Blacks or Latinos can answer the mystery that’s deep within their shallow hearts. Let’s just hope they learn to open their minds and realize the difference between preference and racism.”
We would add, if you’re still unwilling to realize that difference, perhaps you could at least consider the effect publicly stating your animus, er, “lack of preference” towards certain groups of people has on others?
Kindness goes a long way.
Related: Michael Sam Sees More Racism In Gay Community Than Homophobia In Black Community
Photo credits: Shutterstock, U.S. Library of Congress
Bromancer7
What utter bullshit. So now if I put “no Asians, no blacks” on my profile it’s the same as denying them their civil rights?
Seriously, the only ones who need to take a good look at themselves are the people that see racism EVERYWHERE.
myrdraal2001
Exactly!
Heywood Jablowme
It’s still rude.
Deepdow
If you put “no asians, no blacks” on your profile, then you’re a racist. It’s a very simple concept, racism. Excluding whole groups of people based on skin color is a racist act. There is no debate about it. You are allowed to be racist, but you are no allowed to disown the label.
Good luck !
Erik
Well, there is no shortage of homophobes who argue that gay men are misogynists because they don’t have sex with women, and that lesbians are man-haters because they don’t have sex with men.
This ‘student’ is not credible, and is actually just another nasty homophobe.
pudman56
I find the exclusionary requests racism question completely ridiculous. Look, I’m not into chubbies, or India Indians, Pakistani, etc, in particular. So, why waste their time (and mine). If I see something in an ad that is looking for someone that certainly doesn’t include me, fine, I just move on to the next one. Is it racist when you’re at a bar and you pick someone up of your own preference? No. YOU might be a racist in general, but you don’t “fix” that by having sex with someone who is not in your preferences. The idea is just stupid. I’m white, and yes, I have a proclivity towards men of color both black and brown. Does that make me a racist when it comes to other white people or as I mentioned earlier, Indians or Pakistani’s? I believe not. If I refuse them service in public accommodations (excluding public bathrooms…a joke), if I refuse to use whatever my profession may offer, yes, that is racism. When I choose to be intimate with what I find sexy is hardly racist. What, do I have to sleep with everyone that I’m not attracted to just to prove I’m not a racist?
dtlajim
Saying “no” outright is horrible and feels horrible.
griffin87
EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN PREFERENCES, LET’S ALL AGREE ON THAT!
The point is here, and most of you are missing the point is– it is perfectly fine to state your preferences in your profile, ie. “I like guys with a great sense of humour and typically attracted to (race).”
It is NOT ok to write NO (insert race, ethinicity here. It just downright uncivilized, how difficult is it to understand?!
dean3000
“Them”? How telling
Bromancer7
@Deepdow No, it’s not. The definition of racism: “prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior.” My not finding a particular feature to be sexually attractive, whether it be skin color, race, hair color, body type, or degree of femininity, in no way means I am trying to oppress them, antagonize them, or proclaim my superiority. It simply means I am not sexually attracted to them and do not wish to sleep with them. That is my choice, and my right. I am not obliged to sleep with every type of man on the planet, and announcing my preferences to save everyone involved wasted time and energy does not make me or anyone else racist. Period. Full stop. End of story.
If you think it does, it speaks far more about you and your issues than it does about me.
Tombear
Racism is everywhere! What about the guy who rejects all blacks and Asians. Maybe he’s a white boy who is extremely attracted to Latinos is he racist because he is a “beaner queen?
Heywood Jablowme
If you click on the college paper op-ed: Gregory Ragaza does NOT make an analogy with Jim Crow laws. The Queerty writer made that wild stretch.
Lucas23
See kids? You need to have sexual desire and so have sex with all races so you won’t be labelled as racist. Remember, it’s not rape or whatsoever; you must have sex with them even if you don’t want to, it’s social justice, so it’s ok to do that.
Heywood Jablowme
Well, that’s another wild stretch, a *reductio ad absurdum*.
Mo Bro
Sexual affirmative action . . . what’ll the SJW’s think of next?
And aren’t liberals the ones who are always saying, “Stay out of my bedroom”?
NateOcean
By extension, as a gay man who refuses to have sex with women, that makes me sexist or a misogynist.
Deepdow
Gay men are not attracted to women. Are you saying that not being attracted to any black person is a matter of internal biological systems out of your control and not socialized racism?
KZ
No, because no women are complaining about it
Mo Bro
@Deepdow:
“Socialized racism”? Seriously? How about it’s simply “not my cup of tea”?
Erik
That is what many homophobes say. But your accurate point will, of course, be dismissed by people who want to see prejudice anywhere that allows them to feel superior.
David
Ten bucks says if a fat guy messaged the original author he’d just ignore it.
No Asians can also be rooted in he person being a bottom. I’ve been with several guys (partly because I didn’t want to seem racist) and while a few have been a good time … others have not had the necessary equipment for a good time. Granted my profile doesn’t say “No Asians” but I’ve given up on worrying about whether or not it’s racist to not want to fool around with someone.
On the other hand, any gay man who just discounts all black guys probably is a very wussy bottom. 😛
crowebobby
My first lover was Cuban and black; I think cafe-au-lait Puerto Ricans are the sexiest guys on earth — along with young Russians; but I find India Indians completely devoid of any sexual attraction whatsoever no matter how handsome they are, and despite the fact that as a people I have the utmost respect for them and their culture. I find many Chinese very beautiful and, again, respect them and their culture, but I can’t have sex with them. I would gladly have had sex with Bieber at his most obnoxious and hateful, and racism never seemed to keep slave owners from having sex with black women. Of course I would never tell an Indian or a Chinese person I didn’t want to have sex with them because of their race . . . not that of them are likely to want to have sex with me at this point.
novadude
My problem with these claims is that they are so often lopsided. A white guy saying “no blacks, no Asians” is racist but a black guy saying “no whites” is OK. (Re-read the 4th paragraph above. “insert any racial minority” means you can exclude whites all you want.)
If someone excludes an entire group based on race then it’s racism whether the target is a minority or not. The hypocrisy of minorities trying to claim racism against themselves while excusing the them doing the same thing toward *any* race undermines their entire argument.
pudman56
This isn’t about stopping a person from improving their lot in life by denying them a job. This isn’t about refusing someone service based on the color of their skin. It isn’t about having security follow a black customer around a store and being indifferent to the white customers. This is solely about who I want to share my bed, car, back alley or anywhere else one chooses to have sex. Akin to saying you have to have sex with a woman, no matter how impossible it may be to get a hard on, just to prove you’re not a misogynist. Anyone who thinks it is racist or misogynistic is a fool.
dean3000
A black man saying no whites is exactly the same. Focus on what ypu like, its good manners
FnameLname
Why in the world is this article only targeting white gay males as the “oppressors”? There are many people of color who prefer to date people of color and according to the theory explained above that would make them equally as racist as any white person declaring preference. Yes, excluding entire sections of the population is narrow minded and wrong, however, what’s good for the goose… Lately there seems to be such a negative tone to any white gay men which is very upsetting. There are white gay men who do things that turn my stomach but there are gay men from all races that do those very same things. Every time you turn around there seems to be a certain section of the community looking for a reason to blame white gay men for something and everything. If that’s not pure racism, what is.
mhoffman953
It seems outlandish to compare someone’s preferences toward dating to be the same as Jim Crow laws. If I won’t date a woman, am I sexist? If I won’t date a 60-year-old, am I ageist? Social justice warrior want to dictate who we can date now, but only if we’re white men. If we’re any other race, they don’t care what we write in our profile or who we date.
If we want to entertain the argument that having a preference in dating is racist, then why is it only racist for white men? I’ve seen many black men on Grindr write, no whites or black guys only. Did I throw a temper tantrum? Nope, I just kept swiping. I’m curious though as to why the author doesn’t think it’s racist when a black person does it but it racist when white men do it.
Lately there are constant attacks on white men and many on the left who push this agenda don’t seem to think it’s racist.
ShowMeGuy
Anything a White man does or doesn’t do…….it is racist. Everyone else can do or not do the exact same thing…..and it isn’t racist.
There is a “professional victim” competition taking place in American society at the moment and if you can manage to be victimized by a White guy while you commit the exact same crime without anyone ever noticing…..you get bonus points.
SumSay
You’re ageist and racist. The age and race of your partner is an absolute concern to you. Just own it. The only one who really cares is you.
mhoffman953
@SumSay LOL ok. Answer these questions, how old are you? Would reply back to a 70-year-old man on Grindr? Would message a transgender man on Grindr? What is your race? Would you date an Asian man? Would you date a man who is 5’1″?
The answers to those questions doesn’t make you ageist, sexist, racist, or a bad person. Those are just your preferences.
If I wouldn’t date a guy who is dead broke, doesn’t have a car, doesn’t have a job, and doesn’t have a steady residence, does that make me classist (discrimination based on class status)? Obviously not.
If someone is not turned on by a particular type of person, they can’t have a relationship with that person. We’re not all supposed to be compatible with each other. Stop with all of the (fill in the blank) -ist insults
BigG
Complete bs. If you’re calling racism because someone doesn’t want to have sex with you because of your ethnicity, you’re a low self-esteem moron. Has nothing to do with racism. It’s sexual preference and everyone has different tastes. What you’re dealing with here is a bunch of queens who can’t handle rejection and lashing out to justify their bruised ego. They want to control you and teach you how to speak don’t let them. Bs.
Mo Bro
. . . and I second that sentiment.
miserylovedme24
I don’t have an issue with guys liking what/who they like, but I do think it makes you look like a douchebag to state it so plainly in a profile. Whether it’s race, weight, height, or whatever other characteristic, it just makes you look obnoxious and egotistical to talk about entire groups of people you don’t want to message you. Even if I fit that person’s characteristics that they want, it would cause me to avoid them.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
Oh no you are white. Remember that was the only way to blame white for George Zimmerman. So, there is no such thing as latino. You are definitely white.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
Oops that should have gone one comment down.
pudman56
How are you a douchebag by including in your profile your preferences. Isn’t that what a profile is for. A short description of who you are which includes you sexual tastes. People can explain their “hard core” sexual preferences. I don’t think that makes any vanilla fans less of a person. Get a grip some of you homo’s.
dean3000
Putman a preference should be what you like. why list our dislikes? it seems pointless and ill mannered as if to say hey youre not good enough for me.
TheBigOne
I have the exact opposite problem–only white guys are attracted to me (Latino). I suppose that comes from living in Appalachia where there’s only like .02% of “us” around this area and I’m considered a delicacy lol.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
Oh no you are white. Remember that was the only way to blame white for George Zimmerman. So, there is no such thing as latino. You are definitely white.
Chris
Moving forward, I’m ignoring articles like this one. They make the same points, over and again ad nauseam; and they evoke the same sets of responses, over and again ad nauseam.
Doughosier
Ridiculous. If I’m not into sex with blacks or asians, the only thing my “prejudice” will deprive from them is the chance to have sex with me. That’s hardly racism. I’m also not attracted to fat guys of any race. Or old guys of any race. But I’d be friends with them.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
White are so entitled they think they have a right to their own bodies, when actually they are just another form of welfare minorities are entitled to.
DMRX
Haha. Nice. 🙂
KaiserVonScheiss
Pure, concentrated stupidity. Preferences aren’t racist.
natekerchel
This kind of commentary can never lead to any resolution of the issue. Of course genuine racists will claim it is about preference, and others will insist that it is. It’s a bit like those who vote for trump or the Republicans – not all who vote for them are racists but all racists will vote for them. Trying to compare possible racism amongst gay men with relationships between gay men and women is absurd. It’s a red herring.
All of us make choices about who we have relationships with it’s true. That is absolutely fine. The real question being asked here is this – when we exclude entire races of people for no reason other than their ethnic background is that not racist? This includes whites being excluded by other groups. Maybe some people find it difficult to concede there is at least an element of racism at play. Maybe some people genuinely don’t believe that they are being racist because that is not their intention. But racism does not always have to be intentional.
The reason certain questions keep coming back time and time again is because they have not been addressed satisfactorily.
I don’t know what is in people’s minds when they exclude whole races. I can only say that I tend to exclude people who have opposite political views to me or those who have no interest in anything or anyone other than themselves. The ethnic background plays not even the tiniest part. I know for sure that her are gay men who are racist – I have regular arguments with them on other sites. But I am not going to say that all gay men who signal a particular preference are being racist.
SumSay
Race is always a debate on every forum. I wouldn’t have expected any different from a comment section on a gay-themed blog.
Erik
“In a new op-ed for his college newspaper, Gregory Ragaza says “gay people can be pretty damn racist.” ”
Nice homophobia, making a generalization about all gay people like that.
Gregory is just trying to inflate his ego at the expense of gay men. After all, his whining is only directed at gay men, not society at large. This is common practice nowadays: take some negative trait, found across humanity, and present it as if it were something only gay men do, and something that all gay men do.
“He concludes: “Only the individual who feels the need to announce to the world that they don’t date Asians, Blacks or Latinos”
What about people who feel the need to announce to the world that they don’t date someone of the opposite gender? As has been pointed out, homophobes have long argued that gay men are prejudiced against women, and lesbians were characterized as man-haters, because we are not attracted to the opposite sex.
Gregory desperately needs some classes in critical thinking, and in psychology and sociology.
Hermes
I’ve never used Grndr, never would – BUT the CEO is correct. I have no problem with any race, and if I were not partnered would date within any race whatsoever if I liked the person, BUT, I do not date women, and that does not mean I hate women, I would not date a transman – BUT I would fight to the death for their civil rights – We are not a bland mix – we are all individuals, and some individuals are gay and some are straight; some prefer only one race or one body type or one whatever – that doesn’t make them monsters – and I challenge anyone to prove that it does.
dtlajim
Saying ‘No” to someone because of their race is awful and feels awful to a person of color like myself. Mind you having a preference is ok in my book. On average I prefer White men, but have gone out with men of almost all races.
dean3000
Feels awful eh? If a stranger has that power over your feelings you should consider therapy
Josh
Just because the way someone approaches you negatively doesn’t mean you deserved to bear witness to it. Clearly, social apps magnify the amount of morons who inhabit this earth. To offensively deter an individual clearly shows why Roe vs. Wade stands firm. Sadly, it also shows that spending the money on giving the baby fetal alcohol syndrome coupled with generational ignorance is of epic proportions. Just relish in that the minority speaks like that which makes it all the more easy to pick the nobodies from the crowd. Xo
judysdad
Well, this poses a real dilemma for me. I am a gay white male (with dark hair) who happens to be attracted mainly to blond men. Where does that put me on the racist scale? (It’s a moot point, actually, because I am in a long-term relationship and have never been on Grindr.)
SumSay
Well as long as you aren’t turning down blond-haired black, asian or latin men, then I’d say you’re good.
mhoffman953
Also, for a site that seems to think dating preference is racist, I noticed something that could be indicative of racism. From a quick look at the authors on Queerty and some Google searches (correct me if I’m wrong), how come there aren’t any black men who write for Queerty? Why isn’t there diversity in their work place but they want to push “diversity” into my dating habits?
natekerchel
They are not ‘trying to push diversity’ into your dating habits. They are asking a question – and a legitimate one. Maybe they are asking that question in the wrong way – but that does not mean it should not be asked. It is so easy for a racist to hide behind the banner of ‘ personal preference’ . When you exclude entire ethnic groups it raises questions – and the same standard applies to all groups. It simply would not be credible to suggest that racism does not exist in the gay world. No one is saying that all white gay men are racist and all others are not. But to pretend that some people don’t hide behind ‘personal preference’ is, at best, naive.
Josh
You assume then that a magazine is solely run by journalists only? Just because the writers aren’t diversified, doesn’t mean that the unseen staff behind the scenes is lateral. I find your statement to be a challenge rather than an inquiry. Even if it was whitewashed throughout the company, bringing awareness to racism shows a level of responsibility. In truth, what you suggest merely sheds light on how when debating an issue, a gambit of knowledge is necessary to not only raise great points, but it saves one from looking foolish. Just because an online magazine doesn’t make it to the printing press, certainly doesn’t mean the writers can carry the whole operation. I’m also certain that unless one chooses to use a photograph to accompany thier contributions, indicating an individuals race next to their title isn’t a requirement as it’s irrelevant in every way.
dean3000
I prefer guys who say no blacks. it makes them easier to avoid. The worst are those who date minorities as they’re no longer attractive ti the youth obsessed gay scene
Evji108
It is racist, but it’s a free country and people can discriminate against anyone they want for any reason when it comes to sex and dating. Don’t like fems, fats, old, thin, ugly, bald, grey hair, buck teeth, asian, black, short, tall, handicapped, muscles, small dicks, big asses? …….. it’s your choice. However, it is extremely impolite and unkind to list these on your profile as your dislikes. And I think anyone that does is an A-hole. And I personally discriminate against A-holes.
Josh
There are many different approaches everything we do. We can be considerate and kindly reject a physical characteristic we don’t find attractive. I feel like this isn’t news as most of us had a civilized upbringing. I feel the problem in our community is a blatant lack of respect for one another. Recently I was having drinks at a popular night spot in Atlanta when a cordial inquiry was met with such vehement disdain that I was firmly taken aback by it. So much so, that I physically throated this punk bitch so fast that his eyes rolled back. I proceeded with a firm lecture on how acting in such a way might find oneself in a compromised situation. I’m not a narcissist by any means but I’m a warm, attractive and educated guy with a corporate executive position in a global company. Where I’m leading is that quite a few gay men relish in and boast about how ignorant and bitchy they are which more than likely manifests in a menial profile designed for one thing. Approach people the way you want to be approached and remember you’re more than likely (statistically) a waiter who doesn’t realize the invisible crown on your head does not make you anything more than that. To the individuals who aren’t lacking class, this message isn’t aimed at you. It’s aimed toward the mentally inept that think bad behavior represents something other than letting others know that therapy is whats needed.
londonico
I don’t think stating your “race preferences” is racist, but shortsighted. I’m usually not attracted to black or Asian guys, but occasionally there will be an exception. You never know who you are going to find attractive or fall for because race is not the only criteria here. It’s like when you meet a man within your race preference who you would not consider physically attractive at first, but you end up falling for him because of his intelligence, or humour, or anything else. Same can happen here! Don’t close yourself to potential good sex or happiness!
And yes, saying NO to any race is wrong, say which one you prefer, it sounds nicer.
Jack Meoff
Whenever I see one of these articles about racism on hook up apps (and there seems to be a lot of them) I always think how does the author know all these people are racist. Not finding people from a certain race sexually attractive does not preclude them from having friends of different races. People may state no Blacks or Asians on a profile but still have friends from these races in their social circle. Racism to me is about wanting to exclude certain racial groups from things like jobs or being able to enter the country not about sexual preferences. I admit that some people are pretty douchey (not a real word I know) about the way they state it on their profiles but that just makes them ignorant pricks not necessarily racist. What about all those profiles that state no fats, fems, red heads, hairy backs, hairy asses etc. Where are the papers being written about those people?
Having said all of that I am a firm believer that any profile you create should be worded positively and detail what it is you are looking for rather than being all about what you don’t want. It creates a better first impression and speaks to the kind of person you are and the kind of person you are trying to attract.
natekerchel
I like that positive approach, and I firmly believe that you will attract equally positive people. It’s probably true that most gay men are not racist – but how they present themselves on those sites leads to legitimate questions. Personally I find all kinds of men attractive in different ways, and because I still believe in ‘true love’ happening with any man I don’t limit myself based on physical attributes or ethnic origin. Not quite true – I do have a limit – it currently infests the White House.
Heywood Jablowme
“People may state no Blacks or Asians on a profile but still have friends from these races in their social circle.”
That is ALWAYS a blind spot in articles like this. They never make any distinction between non-sexual friends, and sex partners. Damn, they never even see any difference between casual hookups and serious dating. Notice how the only app referred to by name here is Grindr, but then they go on & on about “dating” apps – um, sorry, Grindr ain’t a dating app.
Mosnar11
Instead of saying “no whites” or naming any other race you could try just not responding to people you’re not interested in. Duh.
jess_lopez
Comparing dating preferences to the Civil Rights era discrimination? Wow. Talk about false analogies. Ugh.
Just because I have less preference for a specific group of people does NOT mean that I want to deny them their civil and equal rights.
trelld
I personally do not mind the preferences stated in the profile. It gives me a heads up to not waste my time. Beyond that, they’re not the kind of people that I would want to interact with anyway. There is something narcissistic and condescending about it; for me it’s a turn off. While it may not be racist, weightist, ageist, or any other -ist, I would consider it to be prejudiced.
Captain Obvious
I personally don’t care and find people who only date within their own ethnicity to be the ones missing out. But reading over these comments clearly some are protesting entirely too much. Maybe you are racist.
PhuturePrimitive
“Gregory Ragaza says “gay people can be pretty damn racist.” Which is surprising, he says, given the bigotry they themselves have had to suffer over the years.”—
It’s this line of thinking that I have a hard time wrapping my brain around. Where is it written that one group of people made of up of flawed human beings is somehow immune to the sh*tty spectrum of behavior humans may exude just because of bigotry they themselves have experienced?
I just want to know what the end game is with this entire social movement that seems to be infiltrating every facet of life. I can never seem to envision a clear cut end game as far as these things are concerned where it doesn’t seem like one (or more) types of people aren’t being shafted or vilified.
I say this as a mixed race man– this social/racial/ethnic/cultural? utopia that people seem to so desperately want does not exist, and has never existed in the scope of human history. The sooner we face that reality, maybe we can start aiming for a more achievable cohesion where the idea isn’t forced acceptance, but enough human decency and understanding between individuals where we can at least function. Crusaders who think they’re going to somehow rewrite the book on how human beings behave toward one another (and have behaved for millennia) are deluded. The ones who think the answer is doing it by force are even more confused.
Even the most ‘tolerant’ of people are still fallible and have their own prejudices and preferences (“not me!” some people will gasp). Yes, you. All of us. Be they overt or subtle. And it’s not limited to one race or cultural group, or gender, or sexual orientation.
If gay men have preferences toward certain types of races or body types or hair colors, what does it matter? That’s nobody’s business except the individuals involved. Worry about yourselves and your own lives. If an individual is, in fact, racist, then just be happy you dodged a bullet as far as having to interact with that person on an intimate level. There is ignorance and intolerance in every group imaginable.
What do proponents of calling this sort of thing racist suggest we do? Browbeat people into submission, inform them of their supposed intolerance, and then what?
natekerchel
I agree with your overall point. However, I think that what some people are saying is that because gay men have indeed suffered discrimination and oppression for a long time then maybe that should make them more aware of their own attitudes to other people. I think that is a fair comment – its not saying that within the ‘gay community’ racism or any other ism or phobia will not exist. Maybe it was just the way I was brought up – my family are German Jews who fled Nazi Germany and I am a gay man – but I am uber aware of my responses and attitudes. I agree that all of us can be guilty of some indiscretion around these issues – it would be dishonest to claim otherwise. But as always, culpability is measured by intent. Clearly a character like trump is fully aware of what he says and is, therefore, fully culpable. Others may behave in a particular way out of ‘ignorance’ rather than malice. Clearly the culpability is less in that case, though the resultant offence caused might be the same.
cleancut123
Very misguided op-ed. Every person has the right to choose whom they sleep with. If they only want to be with people of a certain race they have every right to do so. By doing this they are not depriving the people of other races of any of their basic rights. They are simply exercising their own rights to choose. The people of other races are free to find someone else who is interested in them. No one prevents them from doing so.
Blackceo
This topic is such a slippery slope. You can’t categorize everyone who says “No (fill in the blank) as being a racist. Are some people who put that in their profile racist? Sure. I bet though that you will find links between education and those who are more traveled and cultured in terms of whether or not they put these things in their profile. Again, some but not all. You can’t lump everyone into any category but you can always find patterns. I personally tend to not be that attracted to Asian men, but I have dated one and had sexual experiences with a few. I would never put No (fill in the blank) because I find there to be hot men of every background. I grew up with a diverse set of friends and still have that, have dated across the spectrum, and have traveled a lot internationally so I consider myself more open minded to see the beauty in every ethnicity.
Gregory says gay people can be pretty damn racist and thats not a lie. However I don’t think gays are any more or less racist than other groups of society. A lot of people are pretty damn racist. This particular subject is always going to cause heated discussion. You are going to have your blinders to the world folk who say that its complete and utter BS and they are the ones who like to throw out dismissive terms like “playing the race card” and “stop being a victim”. Those are people who basically don’t have many friends of color or different ethnicities and don’t think racism is that big of an issue. Then you will have the other extreme that think every slight they encounter is somehow racism when it could be you’re just a f*cking a$$hole. Then there are some people who simply do only like vanilla ice cream and know what they want and aren’t trying to spend a lot of time finding it. Its Grindr for god sake. You’re looking for sex quick and w/o strings. You generally aren’t looking for something deep if you use that. Ugh I’m so glad I am settled and in a relationship and don’t have to deal with the dating stuff. Y’all are a hot ass mess.
PhuturePrimitive
I completely agree– I don’t think gay people are any more or less racist than any other group. And I think this hits some people like a ton of bricks. What gets to me is the monolithic thinking–how could gays POSSIBLY be racist if they themselves experienced hostility and oppression? Easy–aside from the very simple fact that homosexual men share an affinity toward other them, people ignore the fact that just like any other group on this planet, there are decent members and there are scumbags. There are people who are more enlightened (or at the very least willing to step out of their comfort zone) and then there are people who are utterly ignorant.
jjose712
We read articles like this all the time and i still don’t see their point.
There are racists in the gay community? of course. Nobody is free of prejudice and the way you are raised it’s important. That’s the reason why there are sexist gays too.
The fact that being gay obligues you to treat with prejudice maybe helps some people to overcome their own prejudices but obviously not everyone. And we see this all the time with members of minorities that complain about discrimination while they are ready to discriminate others.
But sexual atraction is a different thing. Some people have fetishes that they prefer not to have but they can’t avoid, and of course they have preferences.
There are studies that say that people generally are attracted for people who share some of their characteristics, so it’s not rare to feel more attracted for people who look more like yourself.
Saying that the adds with no blacks, no latinos, no asians maybe don’t say you are racist but say you are an asshole. I know it’s a hook up add but frankly, most people there are whites so it’s easier and more polite to say what you like instead of what you don’t like (specially if what you don’t like are entire groups of people)
My2Cents
You ignorant idiots who continue to cling to your “preferences ” refuse to see any logical point against it let me clarify once more. Not that I think it would do any good (after all, I have already called you ignorant idiots) but because I just have to get this off my chest.
When you categorize an entire group, nationality, race of people, you are effectively stating that you have met and/or seen every single one of them and you were not attracted to any of them. Which really is “utter bullshit”. you may call it a short cut and getting to the point but it doesn’t change the fact that it is racism.
Then ask yourself, if you met a person you are attracted to and then find out through conversation that they were black or Asian, how would you feel? I bet this was never a thought in your head because in your head all black and/or Asian people look alike. Most of you would jump at the chance at the actor Wentworth Miller. Would knowing he is black change that?
Personally for me, it always stung just a bit to read “no blacks” in a personal ad. And no I didn’t see it as a civil rights violation. I did see it as a pre-judgement. Plus I have personally heard “I normally don’t get into black men but…” or some variation meant as flattery, so I’ve seen the bullshit in action.
natekerchel
Excellent comments. I tend to find that you cannot use logic to make an argument unless the other person/people are also logical. The responses will always be based in emotion/tradition/denial – you see all of those things at work in the exchange of views on here. There seems to be an idea that if you are a racist – or inadvertently commit a racist act – it means you are a racist for life because you cant possibly change. This, of course, is nonsense. Racism is not something we are born with. It is a learned behavior, and, therefore, can be changed. To admit that you have been mistaken or wrong is a sign of personal maturity and growth. To deny it , the opposite. There are several topics on this site dealing with issues around race and on each of them the expression ‘personal preference’ is used to excuse blatant stereotyping and racism. Gay men are not being singled out as being racist – racism is a problem for all of society. We cannot go on hiding behind the preferences card.
BitterOldQueen
This is so ridiculous. Sadly, there’s no room for rational discussion, because the you’re-a-racist crowd is unwilling to permit anyone any individuality, and the other side (myself included) react poorly to being called racists, bigots, and generally bad people just because we don’t want to have sex with anything male, regardless of those factors that are usually central to sexual attraction: age, height, weight, skin tone, hair texture (or hair at all), muscularity, etc. I am baffled by the question “what if you were attracted to a person and then found out they were ____?” How the hell am I going to be sexually attracted to someone and not know what they look like? Isn’t that sort of key to the whole sexual attraction thing? I mean, a good personality is great, and key to a LTR, but if you’re hooking up on Grindr it’s kinda all about the superficials. This whole discussion reeks of folks in search of victimhood looking for oppressors under their beds…or more specifically not in their beds.
natekerchel
If we are going to be rational and honest then surely we have to accept that excluding, based on ethnicity alone, entire groups of people that you have never met, from any possibility of a relationship is, at the very least, odd. Stereotyping is the basis of racism. I know that people don’t want to be seen as being racist – we know it is wrong. Its a bit like the election – not everyone who voted for trump was a racist – they had other problems – but every racist did vote for trump. Racism is not absent in the gay world as I am sure you will admit and it is clear that some of them will hide behind the ‘personal preference’ claim. Fine if you are talking about individuals – we all make choices about individuals. The problem is when entire races are excluded. I am not trying to tell anyone who to have relationships with – far from it. I am asking people not to deny the obvious. Racism, sexism, homophobia, ageism, fattism and any other ism can only be eradicated when its named and dealt with. I take your point about sites like Grindr – but racism is not acceptable under any circumstances. Here we have a safe space for discussing these issues and learning from each other.
NOUHAVENT
Oh Queerty and their click bait articles. This and the masc for masc articles always ensure lots of clicks. Luckily Tom Daley has grown tired and is no longer on every day.
Daniel-Reader
Ironic to say “No Asians” on Grindr when it is now a Chinese-owned company.
Deviant
@daniel-reader if you go to China you will see that 90% of Chinese have “no Asians” in their profiles.
And btw there is only 1,3 billion white people in the world and declining. There is more Chinese people in China than white people in the whole world. So wtf are you talking about?