STUDY: Even Gay Dads Are Too Tired For Sex

A new study from San Francisco State University is reporting that gay-male couples face the same problems with sex and intimacy as their heterosexual counterparts.

“When gay couples become parents, they become very focused on the kids, they are tired, there is less time for communication and less desire for sex,” says the study’s author, Colleen Hoff, a professor of sexuality studies at SFSU. “They go through a lot of the same changes as heterosexual couples who have kids.”

Hoff also found some evidence that men raising children with partners were less likely to be HIV positive.”We found that gay fathers have less time for sex and less emphasis on sexuality, which could mean they are at less risk for HIV. Many fathers said they feel a sense of responsibility toward their children which motivates them to avoid risky sexual behavior.”

But gay couples in an open relationship tend to keep that arrangement after the bambinos arrive. “There wasn’t the shift that we thought we might find,” says Hoff.

Though an estimated 20% of homosexual-male couples are raising children, Hoff only interviewed 48 couples. So, gay dads, does this study reflect your reality or is it bunk? Share you experiences in the comments!

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  • Electra Daddy

    Represents my reality. Twins are exhausting.

  • FelixWood

    Eh, with such a tiny sample size, it’s not really going to be scientific.

  • hf2hvit


  • Matt

    Honestly who cares about “Gay” dads? Unless both men are actually gay then they’re not gay dads at all. For example if two bisexual men are in a partnership together and have kids they’re not gay dads, and a gay man and a bisexual man in a partnership together who have kids aren’t “gay” dads either.

  • Kayo

    Matt, let’s just keep it simply for now ok?

  • Matthew

    @Matt: Because there’s a lot of (or any) cases of two heterosexual men living together and raising a kid together?

  • lieven

    It is totally true. We have adopted twins at birth three years ago. It has changed our lives for the better, but also in all the ways described in the post above. We do not have sex anymore, we are tired, and although we have always had an open relationship sexually, we do not sleep around that much anymore either, because of our girls.

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