A new survey conduced by FS Magazine has found that the overwhelming majority of gay and bisexual men didn’t use a condom the last time they had anal sex.
Related: When Are You Most Likely To Have Bareback Sex?
Over 3,100 men participated in the survey, which asked a variety of questions concerning sex, sexual health and relationships.
The study found that 72 percent of respondents said they didn’t use condoms the last time they had anal sex. Of that 72 percent, 32 percent said they didn’t use a condom the last time they topped, compared the 37 percent who said they didn’t use a condom the last time they bottomed.
Related: STUDY: Nearly 50% Of Gay Men Using Hook-Up Apps Engage In Unprotected Sex
50 percent of the men engaging in unprotected anal sex said they did so with either a long-term boyfriend or their husband or civil partner. 20 percent said they did so with a person they were either dating or with whom they had sex on a regular basis.
Looking at HIV-status, of the men who said they didn’t use a condom the last time they had anal sex with a casual partner, roughly 10 percent were HIV-positive, compared to 90 percent who believed themselves to be HIV-negative.
Related: There’s a 10-15% Chance Your Straight Dad Got a Blowjob From Another Dude
Does this include married gay men?
The article mentions “their husband.”
Of the men who said they didn’t use a condom the last time they had anal sex, how many were on PrEP, and did PrEP play into the decision not to use a condom?
while necessary, I hate when bareback sex with partners gets lumped in with the rest of the data.
Take home point: 21% of men in the study barebacked in a casual hookup, 14% barebacked with a playmate.
35% non relationship barebacking… seems to be “typical” as this with the range of what has been reported previously in other studies.
Study Finds Vast Majority Of Queerty Editors Didn’t Use A “Y” The Last Time They Used The Word “They”
My partner and I have been together for nearly 10 yrs so we have not used them in many years.
Jason Eric Klemm
What are these things you call condom??? lol
Sensational headline for an “apples & oranges” study. Why even include l/t couples in a study like this?
@Windsor Bear: Their system probably has a default limit on how many letters can fit in a headline. At least it didn’t say Condo instead of Condom. Or Stud instead of Study!
This is the exact reason you shouldn’t take someones word when they say they are negative and condoms should always be used, even when in a “relationship”, as most guys can’t stay monogamous. Not worth the risk.
Funny, the original article itself reminds us that headlines as well as statistics can be manipulative. The good is we are reminded by the article about an important choice that gay men face.
Guess what folks? There are a lot of gay AND strait men who can’t stay hard with a condom. I am shocked as to how many surveys have been done but the question “are you able to keep an erection while wearing a condom” has never been asked. Maybe its time to start asking that question.
I’m not an expert (married & monogamous) but, isn’t this Prep thing supposed to allow you to have unprotected sex as long as you take the magic pill the following day?
PrEP is a prophylactic. Needs to be taken daily and without fail. It’s recommended to use condoms with PrEP.
PEP is used for post exposure to possible HIV transmission (sexual assault, broken condom, oops…).
A very high percentage of people in ostensibly committed relationships will cheat. Condoms must be used every time, even in a committed relationship.
Sweathearts, I sleep around and a condom is a must.
My partner and I are in a monogamous relationship and we do all sorts of unsafe sex. that’s one of the benefits of monogamy. I wonder though if these statistics included gay men in relationships.
The Strategy. BEFORE sex get tested TOGETHER for A VARIETY OF STIs then make an INFORMED decision, google… tested together before sex
Yep, and regular testing throughout the year.
I’m one of them. Even *handling* the condom packaging is a no-go and I can’t remember the last time I did.
Prep-user, open-married to another Prep-user but only full-on fuck (top) within a very close, vetted circle with whom there is *implicit* mutual trust and my husband’s the same. I have no reason not to trust him or my other partners.
Giving or getting head does not transfer HIV, unless you have an open wound in your mouth or on your rod, according to the HIV centers of research i interviewed.
@Glücklich: What a beautiful relationship you have.
Aw thanks. Yours’ll probably be the only nice reply.
@Glücklich: Ohhh sweetie that is so sad. We all live the life we want and do the best we can. You have found amazing people to spend your life and share your body with so embrace it and don’t let the negative Nelly’s get to you, honey.
@Glücklich: You might already know about this but for those of you who don’t THIS is how the HIV/AIDS crisis in the gay community was “discovered”. To make it even sadder when I read about this the day he died I sent this article to every gay online site that I was reading at the time. NO ONE RAN HIS OBITUARY. One site was thoughtful enough to acknowledged my email and responded with “thank you, but my readers would not be interested in this” (I kid you not, that just what he said and I go no further as to what his ethnicity is but two plus two does add up to four).
BS story reads like gay men have something to do with AIDS. It was the black culture who started that in Africa. Sooooooooo look at how many baby’s they have with unwed partners. This isn’t about gays , it’s about guy’s . Period
(Apologies for some reason Queerty decided to censor my post, so I split it into two)
@bottom250: Funny. I asked you in the past if you used condoms, and you never answered.
I have a boyfriend. We don’t do anal sex… it’s very rare that we would (and when we would a condom is always a must). Anyways I just don’t see why anal sex is so important, as I prefer kissing and cuddling… maybe I’m old fashioned and cheesy. So be it then.
@Bob LaBlah: Awesome. Have bareback sex. You think HIV is the only thing out there? Drug resistent Syphillis and gonorrhea are spreading like wildfire in our community.
@Glücklich: It doesn’t matter how “vetted” your circle is… people can lie. People can stray. It only takes one time for them to stray. If it isn’t personal, do your sexual partners get tested for syphillis and gonorrhea too?
This is from several years ago, but since then the situation has exploded. These diseases have outsmarted antibiotics and have mutated.
Chlamydia, thank goodness, is easy to treat and displays a very low level of mutation. Syphillis and gonorrhea DO NOT. They have totally outfoxed antibiotics and superbug versions are cropping up.
Drug resistant gonorrhea has been a major concern, according to the CDC especially amongst gay and bisexual men.
This is turning into a public health disaster for our community.
Folks, HIV/AIDS isn’t the only thing you should worry about. Do you get tested for gonorrhea and syphillis too? How about drug resistant hepatits?
Medical scientists are smart and they are working around the clock to develop new treatments, but it’s next to impossible to match these mutations.
You should be worried when diseases suddenly show immunity to all forms of treatment.
@NYtoSF: “It was the black culture who started that in Africa. ”
So now we’ve gone from the Haitians to the Africans as to the origin? Yes, in the early 1980’s a rumor spread that it began in Haiti and for several years tourism there and the Dominican Republic suffered because of that. I live in the midwest and not even in this god-fearing, white christian part of the country is that idiocy believed anymore.
Your attention please… Attention, please. Your chances at getting pozzed up with an HIV-poz partner not on meds if you are on the bottom are 1 in 56, if you do not use a rubber, and are not on PReP. If you are on PReP, and still don’t use a rubber, now your chances are one in 1:115. Facts are tough things, but are impossible to comprehend to most gay men. (Sources: Gilead’s own FDA Phase 3 Trial data, Los Angeles County Department of Public Health statistics.) DENIAL ain’t just a river in Egypt, ya dumb bitches!
@Giancarlo85: Anal sex is important to me because it feels amazing to me and I love feeling a man deep within me. Honey you aren’t old fashion you like what you like. I love being cuddled in a man’s arms.
It’s great the PreP stops all std’s. Now we can all fuck like dogs without consequences. Yay!!
@bottom250: I like a man deep inside too. Inside my mind. guys who like to fuck are usually masturbating with your rectum.
@dean3000: Wow Dean you have a negative view of anal sex and the human connection. Sweetie maybe you are just a top.
In the context of the discussion, it’s not too personal a question to ask and I don’t mind explaining my approach to what is an unusual situation. I know you don’t agree with my actions but you’re not shitting all over them so thanks for that.
My husband and I get thoroughly tested regularly. As to my other partners, I’m not demanding to see medical records but it’s an ask on both sides once or twice a year. I’m no one’s parent. That’s where the vetting and trust comes in. Sure, someone could lie. I could also fall in front of a subway train tonight.
If I froze and analyzed every single risk I take on a daily basis, I’d never leave home. And even then I live in earthquake country in a building sitting on landfill. I’m in New York for a week; a plane could fly into my office – s’what happened to the old building in the same spot. If I get a bug, I’ll jump off that bridge when I come to it. Both of my parents are in remission from cancer – dad prostate, mom some sort of blood cancer – so anything can happen.
There are big financial and reputational ramifications for getting sick so it’s in the best interest of everyone with whom I’m involved to monitor those situations closely, i.e. everyone’s got the means to, and makes a priority of, maintaining their health. I have no reason to think any of us are putting anyone else’s health at risk.
I don’t get involved in the management of my husband’s relationships but I trust him to do what’s best for all of us and he’s been around longer and has led a much…less constrained…life than I have.
@bottom250: do you make eye contact when fucking?
@Glücklich: you trust someone wi your life for a fuck? You people are crazy
@bottom250: Look that’s cool with me. Live life safely. Life is too short to throw away, but I get you like to have fun.
@Glücklich: Alright. I can respect that. Stay safe. I’m just a bit paranoid because all of the other stuff out there. I know no one is fool proof, and I take big risks… but my body is something I do not want to gamble on. I only get one life. If I want bankrupt and was unable to pay my car and such… at least I’d still have my body.
If you stay safe, more power to you in your endeavors.
@Glücklich: But I must say, you aren’t throwing yourself into a subway and that’s a rare situation. I could get struck by lightening in death valley. It’s a different situation when fucking. When I see articles about the explosion of STDs I’ve mentioned, I get quite paranoid. But that’s just me.
You are free to do what you want in this country.
@DeserTBoB: Again you do realize HIV/AIDS isn’t the only infection/disease out there? Did you read my articles? Denial is pretty serious in our community for sure.
You trust someone with your life who’s fresh off the boat when you get in a taxi? You mouth-breathing neck beards are crazy!
@Glücklich: That’s why I drive. And if you ask, I engage in “SMITH” driving. It’s a form of defensive driving.
I don’t even have a car. But I like the Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride type of taxi drivers.
@dean3000: depends on the position but yes I do.
To clarify, a magazine survey is NOT a study. A study is much more thorough.
@Merv: If your partner is cheating on your you do not have a committed relationship. Or do you not understand the definition of “committed”?
My husband and I of 12 years have not used condoms for 9yrs. After we had been tested multiple times we quit.
NIce attemopt at a scandal headline.
How about attempting to answer the question of “why” with facts rather than badmouthing people we don’t know? The whole reason that safesex push in the 80’s and 90’s failed was because we didn’t understand why men prefer to bareback.
FS magazine uses highly sexualized images of men to promote itself. I don’t consider this to be appropriate, and I certainly don’t consider it to be helpful in the fight against promiscuity. Thumbs down to FS magazine.
As for wearing condoms, you shouldn’t need to wear them if you are both healthy. Bareback is fine if you are both free of pathogens.
However, if you’re a morals-free sex pig who has anonymous sex in dark corners of sleazy clubs in London or New York, I’d advise that you do wear them. Maybe you can wear a bag over your head as well – it makes no difference as the clubs are pretty dark.
I’m from a time when my contemporaries were dying horrible deaths at a young age,all around me.People haveto realize that anti-virals don’t work for everyone and can have serious side effects…….and if you’re a young person reading this,please don’t call me a,”Decrepid,old,old,geriatric?”……thankyou.
Your openness and the straightforward manner in which you write about this topic is refreshing. Initially, I had misgivings about PrEP. Not anymore. If I had a different situation from the one I have now, I’d take it. I’m one of the fortunate ones – condoms don’t bother me at all. They help me last longer, so I view/use them as performance enhancing, as well as protection. Why more guys aren’t on PrEP is beyond me, especially if they aren’t using condoms during anal sex and/or have multiple partners. It just makes sense.
I was told, when I first became sexually active, to never have anal sex without a condom, and I’m sticking with that. If a man wants to go raw, he will have to get his fast ass up and leave my sight at once!
Personally, my brain happens to be wired for monogamy, though love might motivate me to behave otherwise. Fortunately I have found a partner who is just like me in that regard so its all good. But one of my ex-boyfriends, a man that I cared very much about was wired differently. He ended things with me (I was devastated for awhile) and didn’t explain why for the longest time even though he firmly insisted he still loved me as much as he ever did. Of course when he told me that, inside my head I was like “yeah right Buddy, you are just trying to spare my feelings”. But after our relationship ended, he still craved my company and often tried to initiate sexual encounters between the two of us and kept trying to make me his “best friend” but one with benefits. He would constantly declare his continuing love for me as well.
Well one day he finally confessed that he ended things because he didn’t want to be limited to only one sexual partner even though he had never really cared about anyone as much as he had cared about me. I told him that I appreciated his honest but that I would have appreciated it even more if it had come in a much timelier manner as I may not have felt so extremely rejected had I known that. Sure, I would still have been sad at the end of our relationship but at least my ego would have been less bruised. lol Anyway, he informed me that if we had been in an open relationship he never would have broken up with me. I thought about his words and I realized that I might have let him be open because I had loved him so much. I don’t know if I personally would have acted on our open status, though I doubt I would have, but I may have allowed him to do it. I could see in his facial expression that when he told me he wished he would have brought the topic up before breaking up with me, he meant it. He then suggested we get back together but it was too late as I had moved on to the beautiful and amazing man that I am with now, which he had already known anyway, but I guess he had hoped I would leave my fiance to get back with him.
My ex remains single and rather unhappy about it because he says he can’t seem to find anybody who cares about him as much as I did. We remain friends and I try to be there for him when he needs me in that capacity, but I can’t be anything more than that to him now. So I guess honesty is the absolute best policy in any relationship. Honesty and trust because if he had just been completely honest with me, we might still be together as he ultimately wound up wishing was the case.
That being said, he is a very handsome and sexy guy and has many fantastic qualities (I wouldn’t have cared about him so deeply otherwise), so I know he will eventually find somebody that will make him happy again.
this is sad 🙁
Holding that condom is not at all protective! Putting it on, on that “thing” that point upwards when you are flat on your back will be a lot better…… and I didn’t mean your toes either!!!
I must be old. I came to age during the early 80’s and I recall so many people being ill and so many people dying. With the smart ass attitudes towards any STI today I just cannot bring myself to care anymore. Go ahead – contract what you want when you want. When – not if – when you fall ill from any of the drug resistant strains of STIs out there not even mentioning HIV, I hope you recall all the people who cared enough to try and prevent this from happening. And when you do recall all those people, whether sanctimonious or not, whether sex shaming or not, I hope you choke on the realization that prevention was in your hands and you threw it away for a slap and tickle. I know I will not waste another moment fretting that people making poor decisions with long term consequences because at this stage of the game if you are so bound and determined not to care about your continued health, neither will I. There is no protection from stupidity.
Why are you guys always trying to glorify non condom use? Queerty is obsessed with it. Just because you have AIDS dont mean the rest of us want it… CONDOMS save lives.
Many of you are promiscuous sleazeballs. You’ll have sex with totally anonymous people. It’s disgusting. You reek of a lack of morals.
If you had any scruples, you would refrain from promiscuity and stranger sex. Show some morals.
As for condoms, I don’t need them. I have morals. I only interact sexually with healthy people.
@Brian: LOL. How do you “know” they’re “healthy”?
@Eddie Electrahair: (sigh)… I agree with you. And at a personal level, I just think anal sex without a condom is – to use the scientific term – ICKY. But that’s maybe just because I came out in the ’80s.
I’ve never done it without a condom as a top. Even the thought of doing that seems kind of icky and gross. Uck.
As a bottom, yes but I couldn’t possibly tell the difference. I mean, during the sexual act itself. I don’t know how anyone would. But posters here have assured me they can tell. Oh well, if they say so.
As you can see above, one poster points out that some guys just CAN’T get hard with a condom on. Oh well, if they say so.
Because I masturbated
Regarding antibiotic-resistant STI’s, you can get them from oral sex too. The troubling thing is, with oral sex they can be much LESS noticeable. Almost asymptomatic for quite awhile, in fact, but still transmittable. While if you got them during anal sex, they’ll typically be much more noticeable very quickly.
So if you’re a happy slut who’s not into anal sex at all, but you go around giving a lot of bl0w jobs, think twice. You should probably get tested for gonorrhea and syphilis much more often than you do!
Also, there’s a vaccine now for Hep B so everyone who’s sexually active can just get it. Hep A too, though that’s more a food and water-borne illness. Hep C is now, essentially, curable (though expensive) but that’s more a needle-drug illness.
One is at a far greater risk contracting drug resistant diseases through unprotected anal sex than oral sex. This is a fact. Hepatitis is mutating and showing resistance to vaccines and that is particularly troubling.
There are so many things one can catch from unprotected sex. However, if some guys what to take that risk, that is there right. I won’t be involved with them and will continue to use condoms with all guys I date and ifi get a partner, condoms will still be used as lots of guys become poz and get stds while in relationships. Not worth it!
Don’t you find it hard to breathe with that bag over your head? I guess after *decades* you’ve gotten used to it.
@Brian: Who are you to define what is morally right for me. Who are you to define my sexuality. My body my choice.
@onthemark: He just knows by looking at them. As I said, he’s a clock without its handles. He judges everyone and then says he doesn’t use condoms… that’s hypocrisy in my opinion.
@Bromancer7: Or you do not know the definition of “ostensibly.”
@nmharleyrider: No you’re not monogamous, you cheat on your “husband”. http://i.imgur.com/1cFYSPx.jpg
@nmharleyrider: Please, you “only bareback with your husband” no you don’t and you bareback with pretty much anyone and literally eat shit: http://i.imgur.com/1cFYSPx.jpg
@Glücklich: Congratulations you and your husband are idiots with death wishes.
You’d be the expert. It’ll look good on your resume of peeping, bestiality and stealing Underoos from your neighbors’ garages.
@Glücklich: LMAO I’m not into any of that. You have me mistaken for NMHarleyRider and your “husband”.
Whateeeeeeever you say analscentslover.
@Glücklich: LMAO nice try, you’re a troll and I’m not even into rimming/man smells, etc. unlike you and your “husband” who are idiots with death wishes since you do it raw with random people and cheat on each other.
Flattery won’t work analscentlover. You’re just not my type.
Everyone’s experience is different. For me, having started my life as a gay man in a long-term, wholly monogamous relationship and therefore being very accustomed to the sensation of bareback sex before ever having tried using a condom, condoms completely eliminate all pleasure, to the point of usually being dysfunctional. Of course, I am well educated about the risks, and try to mitigate those risks, just as I would do if participating, for example, in an adventure sport. But for me, the only alternative to raw sex would be celibacy.
@Glücklich: What man would be so sad and desperate actually even want you, or your “husband” who are bug chasers? You have me confused with NMHarleyRider he’s really into “anal scents”.
Okay can we agree that men and women cannot be trust when it come to STDs?
People in general out of ignorance, selfishness or just plain evil engage in unprotected sex. Since we know this fact why not use the tools we have home hiv tests and condoms?
The gay community MUST change the narrative make unprotected sex as intolerable as obesity
(I know it is fucked up analogy but it true none the less) is viewed.
@DavidIntl: “condoms completely eliminate all pleasure, to the point of usually being dysfunctional.”
If they do that to you, you’re doing it wrong. I’ve never had that issue in the few times I’ve done anal sex. And I never have and never will do bareback sex. I don’t have a death wish.
Raw sex is the reason why rates of drug-resistant gonorrhea and syphillis are skyrocketing in our community… people think they know how to stay safe. Sorry, but you shouldn’t be trusting people that must. Anyone can lie.
And before someone tells me “well… you’ll notice if you get gonorrhea and syphillis real fast”. Sure, but what if they don’t respond to drugs?
@Giancarlo85: With all due respect, and I mean that sincerely, if you have never had bareback sex then you are not really in a position to judge. If I wasn’t so keenly aware of what I was missing, maybe I would indeed derive some pleasure from sex with a condom. I think it is is similar to the situation of guys who were cut from birth advocating for circumcision.
@Will Moor: Please define monogamy as used in this story….
Folks still trying to play chicken huh and on top of that, they think it’s a joke. Can’t say that I feel sorry for anyone that gets sick and didn’t bother taking precautions at all. Too many reckless dumb dudes out here.
I’m on prep but I know he was clean anyway I only did oral
@DavidIntl: With all due respect, I don’t have a death wish and I don’t see the need to do bareback. What you are saying is a myth. Sorry.
Is there a questionnaire going ’round that we all should be filling out?
@David Chachki: Why are you taking the extremely toxic medication PreP/Truvada instead of having safer sex? No you don’t know if someone’s “clean” or not, it’s best to just assume someone could be HIV+ or have other STDs and then have safer sex with them.
@alphacentauri: I am a different David, but I can answer that. I would very gladly be on PreP if it were readily available here. Because for some of us who know the difference, ‘safe sex’ is disastrously unsatisfying. I would truly prefer to avoid anal altogether than to be obliged to attempt it with a condom. Yes, I have tried on a number of occasions, with an open mind. And I have never once in my life succeeded in reaching orgasm with a condom on.
You are truly vile. You place your need to get off above the safety and well being yourself and others. If your actions only affect you I could not care less however, your selfish, irresponsible, reckless actions affect others as well. Your inability to have orgasm using safe sex is the result of you being BITCHY, WEAK, IGNORANT, SELF-LOATHING QUEEN!!!
Newsflash douche bag the most potent sex organ is your brain.
@surreal33: Well, I know that I can always count on the comments section of Queerty for a level-headed, constructive dialogue. I have tried to express my perspective in as clear and non-confrontational way as I can, and what I get in return are insults. No, I am not bitchy – actually if anything I tend to be the calm, stoich one in my relationships. No, I am not weak. I make very conscious decisions and follow through with them, even in the face of the aggressive attitudes you represent. No, I am not ignorant. By any objective standard, I am unusually well-educated in general, and reasonably well-read on this particular topic. No, I am not self-loathing. I am actually very comfortable with who I am and my particular circumstances. And above all I am not a ‘queen’ (not that there is anything wrong with being so described). Unless you are using that term not to describe mannerisms, as is usually the case, but simply as a slur against any gay man. Certainly, I am gay, yes.
The reason why I don’t find sex with a condom at all rewarding is simply because, apparently unlike some of you, I am keenly aware of the difference. If you had never had decent fresh orange juice in your life, you might conclude that you were fine with powdered Tang. Or you might conclude that you don’t care for orange juice at all. But once you know the real thing, you will always be offended by the substitute.
I know that I am by no means alone in this assessment. Although I am by no means a big fan of porn, or web cam perfromances, I am aware enough of that world to know that yes, there is some of it filmed with condoms. Most of it is not, for a good reason – it is isn’t what people want.
What is the point of fighting the uphill battle to be gay in our society to still find yourself wholly sexually unsatisfied?
Even as a relatively low-risk individual within a high-risk group, I am actively working on starting on PreP just as soon as possible to further decrease that risk. Unlike some, I am not completely cavalier about the risks. Instead of directing your insults at a guy who is trying to have a reasonable discussion of these issues online, why don’t you instead hurl your vitriol at large number of guys who are still banging lots of anonymous guys every night unprotected in darkrooms and saunas around the world?
@DavidIntl: What reckless foolish behavior. Some of us don’t want to know the “difference” (total myth), because some of us want to be healthy and not catch anything. Not only so you not use Prep, you readily engage in bareback because you cannot get off. You made yourself think that way and it is all in your mind. Maybe you should avoid anal completely.
And yes I agree with surreal. You are vile!
Compare the diligence required for PrEP Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis and/or so called safer sex practices and condoms with The Strategy BEFORE sex getting tested TOGETHER for A VARIETY OF STIs Sexually Transmitted Infections then making an INFORMED decision, google… tested together before sex
As a further thought, I am personally aware of the difference in experience only as a total top, and would have thought that it would be important primarily to the insertive partner. Interestingly, I recently had this discussion with a good female friend, who indicated that she similarly finds sex with a guy wearing a condom completely pointless. In her words, she might as well just use a dildo, because that is what it feels like to her.
I don’t disagree with your decisions – I respect them. But don’t assume that I am delusional, when you don’t actually have any personal experience from which to draw objective conclusions.
Don’t bother trying to have rational discussions. With few exceptions in this thread – my exchange with Giancarlo85 was really pleasant and if he reads this comment, I appreciate that – it’s like trying to argue with children only without the satisfaction of sending them to their rooms for the rest of the evening.
But in a way you *can* send them to their rooms. Blow off the comments and stop responding. You seem too intelligent to have nothing better to do.
@Giancarlo85: “One is at a far greater risk contracting drug resistant diseases through unprotected anal sex than oral sex. This is a fact.”
“Far greater risk”? Citation, please? Where did you hear this? That’s how HIV works, but NOT gonorrhea and syphilis, which thrive in mucous-y places like the throat.
I will say this, though. As much as I oppose bareback anal; as an exclusive top, I found out by accident that it really does fell at least twenty time better to have skin on skin. I broke a condom off in some little Chinese boy’s butt while roughly banging him. I didn’t realize what had happened, I just noticed it suddenly felt MUCH better than before and I went to town on that ass. This was just a one time slip and I’ve been much more careful since. I think that bareback anal is like crack cocaine to some people. They become addicted because they like that feeling. I, personally, don’t think it’s worth it and I will settle for reduced sensation in excnage for increased safety and peace of mind. But, that’s just me.
Trolls aren’t interested in rational discussion. They aren’t smart or secure enough for discussion. They are miserable people with broken, disappointing lives. Their teeny-tiny sense (false) of power comes from a place of anonymity, where they insult and intentionally cause discord. What they seek most is attention, and they’ll say anything to get it. You’re right, don’t respond to their comments.
I’ve been in a committed and monogamous relationship with my partner since 2003. After the first 3-4 dates when we knew that the other person was a keeper, we both decided to get tested for ALL STD’s before moving on to having sex. We were very happy with engaging in lots of serious kissing, groping, grinding, licking, nibbling and stroking (which by the way, many of our gay friends simply don’t get or bother with or understand as being enjoyable). Six months after our first testing, we both got tested again. Our results both times were negative and we were advised to get both Hepatitis A and B vaccinations. I did not have them, but my partner did as he worked in the healthcare field and was more aware of what specific precautions were needed for gay men engaging in sex together. Once I had gotten my vaccinations out of the way, we began enjoying the pleasures of engaging in oral and anal sex with the person we each was crazily in love with and wanted to spend so much time with. We initially experimented with the use of condoms, but even with trying 3-4 different types and brands, both of us never could achieve the rock solid and extended erections that we enjoyed during our earlier times with just foreplay. We talked about the idea of ditching condoms as we both knew that we were monogamous with each other, had a clean bill of health from our doctors for our STD status and both had no problems with having open and honest dialogue with each other about our relationship together. Fast forward 12 years to the present and we are still enjoying incredibly arousing condomless anal sex with each other, are still committed and monogamous and I couldn’t be happier with where our path together had led us. We have both entered the realm of now having “dadbods”, but I find that fucking sexy as hell! I can’t imagine myself wanting to be someone that willingly chooses to take PrEP for any reason. I do know of two friends, both in their late 20’s, who have been taking the PrEP treatment for close to a year now and they each have made the choice not to use condoms as they have put all of their trust in this new approach. To me, that is almost as dangerous and stupid as engaging in random sex with no protection at all. I had my share of heated discussions with each of them before I simply decided that I was not responsible for their health and their actions and they were each going to go ahead and proceed with their decisions. The thought of random, casual sex has never appealed to me. the thought of having an open relationship has never appealed to me, the same for a polyamorous relationship. I remember my single days being quite flirty when out with friends for an evening of entertainment, but it never once led to hopping in bed and getting it on. I grew up as a teenager in the 1980’s and read and watched and saw upfront the horrors of the AIDS crisis. Couple that with coming to terms in identifying myself as gay and wanting to be honest about who I was and come out to my family, it was not an easy time in my life, but I went ahead slowly, talked with people who had been there before me and I survived it. Since I came out more than 25 years ago, I’ve known 4 friends and 6 more distant acquaintances die from AIDS related complications and know about 10-12 others who have become infected in the time that I’ve been together with my partner and these men are all in their 20’s and 30’s.
How do you know you both are monogamous?
@DavidIntl, that’s correct. When I bottom I vastly prefer the sensation of skin on skin to a condom. Condoms tend to chafe no matter how well lubed you are. I am sure a lot of people who have given up on bottoming because they find it painful would change their opinion after experiencing bare sex.
Also, if the top is is uncut, there is even less painful friction for the bottom during bare sex because the penis moves inside a sheath of loose skin. You lose that advantage completely with a condom.
And we shouldn’t underestimate the powerful attraction that many (most) bottoms (and tops) have for skin on skin f*cking and internal ejaculation. It’s what many guys very much want. There is nothing wrong with wanting it and that craving has been pathologized for too long.
@DavidIntl, also, for the record, I also can’t orgasm with a condom on either when I top, assuming I can even keep the erection in the first place.
@Giancarlo, where is this vaccine-resistant Hepatitis B? Now you’re just making things up.
@DavidIntl: I cannot orgasm or ejaculate with a condom on either when I top as that’s what I do for anal sex; but I do not mind this.
@MinnesotaNotNice: Well aren’t you special?
Do you really have two friends in their late 20s? Or two friends, period?
Btw I fucked your boyfriend last week. (With a condom!) Those inhibited, frustrated, horny “monogamous” types are wild.
@notevenwrong: Lord have mercy satan is posting here
@notevenwrong: in the middle of the AIDS crisis I was 18 and this older man took pains to explain that using condom would hurt me and it would be best to do without. He was just like you a psycho wi a death fetish. Why don’t you join Isis or something
“A very high percentage of people in ostensibly committed relationships will cheat. Condoms must be used every time, even in a committed relationship.”
This is how I used to feel. My fiancé and I have not used condoms for awhile but it took me a long time to get there. It was the source of many arguments because he said it meant that I didn’t trust him. And well….I just am of the lot who don’t think most men can be faithful. If I can’t watch your ass 24/7/365 I don’t know what you could be doing and at the end of the day I am putting my life in your hands. I did get to the point where I agreed not to use condoms but my fiancé knows I will kill him if he creeps and brings me back any STI. I would be perfectly fine to still use condoms if it wasnt such an issue for him and over time I guess you can say I caved but its still something I think about from time to time in the back of my mind.
So those numbers are discouraging. Yes, barebacking feels better but it again shows a complacency that exists with a lot of people who just seem to think if they catch something oh well they can pop a pill or rub some ointment on it and manage it. It’s ashame. Casual hookups without condoms with all the info out there about MSM and STIs is just fucking stupid and if you catch something then ya know what…your dumb ass deserves what you get. Call it being judgmental. I don’t give a shit. There’s no excuse for such recklessness when it comes to your body.
In so called monogamy when a sexual opportunity turns up for one of them would it be before or after that the other gets to know, if at all?
They are. The worst part of it is feeling embarrassed for them. I hate that. Way off topic but that’s one of my top three nuclear meltdown triggers at work: doing something that makes me embarrassed *for* someone, even when it’s unintentional.
^^A lot of screamers making fools of themselves up there.^^
You think I’m lying? Keep engaging in bareback because you like the “sensation”. It’s dangerous behavior.
@notevenwrong: A morbid sick fascination that has to change or gay men will continue to have far lower life expectancies.
Look, if someone is committed and has been thoroughly tested with their partner, I won’t make a big deal. But when someone is fucking bareback with multiple partners that is dangerous behavior to others and to themselves.
Infection rates of various diseases and viruses have skyrocketed in the community because of the “fascination” with bareback sex.
I understand people will criticize me and say “but I TRUST my PARTNER(S) and I know their status”. Alright… I understand that… but people lie all the time. Even someone you claim to trust can betray you and it just takes one time.
@DavidIntl: “The reason why I don’t find sex with a condom at all rewarding is simply because, apparently unlike some of you, I am keenly aware of the difference.”
Awesome. I’m keenly aware of the difference of using a condom. I don’t end up catching something and I stay healthy. But I rarely do anal sex anyways… it just doesn’t appeal to me at all. Also keep in mind I have had very sexual partners in my life and all were committed relationships (4). I absolutely refuse to sleep with anyone just because I might be horny. I have to be in a relationship.
“I am aware enough of that world to know that yes, there is some of it filmed with condoms. Most of it is not, for a good reason – it is isn’t what people want.”
The result of that:
I was going to post specific articles, but just scroll down that list. There have been multiple HIV and STD infections in the porn industry the last few years.
As a result of this, we in Los Angeles voted on a specific amendment, one I clearly supported. This prohibited porn being shot without condoms.
The Porn industry tried to appeal it, but failed.
“Even as a relatively low-risk individual within a high-risk group, I am actively working on starting on PreP just as soon as possible to further decrease that risk.”
To me, you’re a high risk individual. Not as high risk as some, but you rank well up there. A low risk individual is one who doesn’t do anal sex… or uses a condom and other protections in anal sex (this isn’t as low risk as one who doesn’t do anal sex obviously, because a condom isn’t 100%).
@theszak: How do I know he’s monogamous with me? Because I know from the trust and communication we have in our relationship. I’m sure that won’t satisfy you, but I don’t really care!
@onthemark: I half expected that some pathetic Queerty troll would make a lame attempt to get under my skin wth an asinine and stupid response to my posting because they are bothered and irritated by how someone can be so lucky and happy with a strong relationship like what my partner and I enjoy together. Please continue on with your woe is me bitterness as it seems that’s all you know.
@Giancarlo85, that link you posted doesn’t support your (false) claim of “vaccine-resistant” Hep B. It is not even about vaccines.
@Giancarlo85, by the way, before acting like you are so virtuous for not having anal sex, there is no “virtue” in giving up something you don’t like anyway. (That is, assuming the infantile quasi-religious logic that virtue can be found in self-denial.)
What kind of sex DO you like (if any). Try imagining how it would feel not to be able to have that kind of sex (if any) before lording your supposed moral superiority over the rest of us.
How can faith be called trust for what could happen?
Nature’s biological imperative is powerful. How about trust that most people will take a sexual opportunity that arises? Trust that nature’s force will work. Partners can have a strategy for the more likely scenario. The Strategy BEFORE sex get tested TOGETHER for A VARIETY OF STIs SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED INFECTIONS then make an INFORMED decision, google… tested together before sex
@Giancarlo85: Well said. When I have anal sex as a top only I use condoms and I have had male and female partners cheat on me, so I use condoms and assume that whoever I’m with is HIV+ or could have other STDs and still have safer sex. I only give anal sex to men who I am in a relationship/partnership with, and I’m personally not a bottom or versatile for anal sex.
@MinnesotaNotNice: Just ignore the trolls that will tell you how two men can’t be monogamous or that most bisexual and gay men are in open relationships together.
@notevenwrong: You have always been a stupid know it all. Wake up please. Anal sex isn’t the only kind of sex and doesn’t define me as a gay person. What moral superiority? You are just a nasty troll. I was stating the facts. And yes, hepatitis B is mutating and becoming resistent to the vaccine and treatments. That is viruses. Think about that next time you get barebacked.
People who bareback are like the parents who spend their children’s inheritance. You are building of a pool of viruses that will fuckup future generations of LGBT people. I’m glad my generation did the right thing and stop the spread we saw people die horrible deaths and did something as a community. Anti gay porn producers fetishised raw sex and the idiots fell for it.
It it really monogamy?… when monogamy ends and then having another relationship considered to be monogamy?
Over a) what period of time?… a few months?, a year?, 2 years?, 10 years?, more years?
and b) for how many sequences of relationships would a relationship be monogamy or not? if 2 ?, if 3 ?, if more?
*That is what viruses and diseases do. They mutate and outfox vaccines and treatments. Hepatitis is doing that, just like what gonorrhea has done. Notevenwrong is an example of why infections are skyrocketing in our community. One said bareback is like cocaine… Exactly right. Addicting and deadly.
@dean3000: But they love the sensation. They live in the moment without any consideration of the future.
@Giancarlo85: That’s very true I have met younger gay men and older gay men who survived the 80s who have the death wish mentality that “I would rather not have sex at all than use a condom during anal sex!”
It’s healthier for the individuals and for society having as much sex as possible as often as possible. Compare Bonobos https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonobo#Sexual_social_behavior It’s what can be done before having sex that makes a difference for stopping the epidemic. What can be done is The Strategy BEFORE sex getting tested TOGETHER for A VARIETY OF STIs SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED INFECTIONS, then making an INFORMED decision, google… tested together before sex
Whatever sexual practices could be planned the more crucial thing is acknowledging in the moment regardless of plans anything is liable to happen as a mind gets stupefied. Sex partners getting tested together before sex are informed what could happen, have choices and can get treatment for an infection.
Although I’m definitely pro-condom and agree that condoms are appropriate in MOST cases, the condom monomania (condomania?) displayed here is a “Reefer Madness” approach that will inevitably backfire. Well, it already has backfired. Guys react to hysterical scare tactics by rejecting the ENTIRE pro-condom message.
It’s not helpful to make misstatements of fact like:
– mythical vaccine-resistant Hep B;
– “far more likely” to get gonorrhea and syphilis from unprotected anal sex than from c0cksucking – SIMPLY NOT TRUE! As much as I would love to believe that (since it would be quite convenient for my personal sex life, lol), it’s just not true.
Quit spreading ludicrous and dangerous misinformation.
@Giancarlo85: “hepatitis B is mutating and becoming resistent to the vaccine…”
That is false. Please stop spreading misinformation.
google… hepatitis b mutation
@onthemark: that is absolutely wrong. Hepatitis B has definitely mutating. This isn’t a myth. And yes a simple Google search will show how dangerously wrong you are.
The statement on bareback being more dangerous than oral sex is true.
I posted articles and facts… and you predictably post nothing, asides more falsehoods. I suppose you consider your own words to be evidence. Delusional.
A thought experiment… Imagine a disease of the future, an organism both parasitic and canabalistic centered around the genitals. If you don’t have sex you die. So A calls B, “Please come over.” B says, “I can’t. I’m going over to C’s.” A cries, “You’ve got to come over now. It’s beginning to gnaw at me!”?
@Giancarlo85: Re: gonorrhea and syphilis being supposedly easier to get bareback than orally, where did you post anything about that? You ignored that when I said earlier you were wrong. And where did you get that crazy idea? Yes, HIV is a “far greater risk” bareback – to the point where that’s almost the only way for a gay man to get it – but gonorrhea and syphilis are, unfortunately, very easy to get orally. Why do you want to pretend that’s not true? That fits your prudish, anti-sex agenda so well that it’s a mystery you object to it.
Re: Hep B, you might as well say the flu is “mutating” in response to the notoriously hit-or-miss flu vaccine. The Hep B vaccine is more reliable (and extremely long-lasting), but it can work differently on people depending on their underlying conditions.
Look, we all get it – you don’t like sex, you like to kiss and cuddle, you don’t want anyone else to have sex! It makes you insanely angry when you think about all those sluts out there having SEX! We all get where you’re coming from.
@onthemark: He’s making everything up and his words are evidence. Notice how he has NEVER proved me wrong. I never said oral sex was without risk (go find me a quote where I did). You sir are a liar. And you keep lying. You just don’t get it.
” That fits your prudish, anti-sex agenda so well that it’s a mystery you object to it. ”
What is my prudish anti-sex agenda? Point it out, or stop trying to talk for me. You’re still as dimwitted as ever.
Hepatitis is outsmarting the vaccine. And you haven’t proven me wrong on that one. You just say “you are wrong!!!!!”… yet provide ZERO proof. You have NEVER posted a single link. You just coming in as the loud mouth you are and say I’m “prudish and anti-sex” simply because I oppose bareback sex. Grow up please. I’m way pass that vendetta.
I never said anything about anyone else. I’m just stating the facts about unprotected sex. People obviously going to do whatever they want and they are free to do it. I have no desire to have bareback sex nor am I jealous of people who do it.
So what is this prudish antisex agenda you talk about? Oh yeah… some more shit you made up.
Offthemark thinks his words are proof. He never provides any sources for anything he says. Delusional.
It’s a myth sexual practices can be separately evaluated for risk because before and during sex any idea about what’s going to happen can change. Often sex partners don’t do one sexual practice and stop.
@onthemark: you must be some st anti gay nut who want to see gay people die a horrible death. You sir are a truly nasty person
Penetrative sex is primitive bullshit. Nothing good comes of it, only crying miserable newborns and diseases. Notwithstanding is the despicable romanticism of masturbating into another person’s body or ripping through another person’s delicate rectum or vagina for one sided physical gratification (and yes the pleasure IS one sided contrary to the delusions of “bottoms”. Incidentally condom adamant bottoms are just as delusional to think their pleasure is real. Even most women don’t get off from getting fucked. These are mere psychological pleasures, but harmful ones. It’s a mental disorder inherited from a long line of dumb monkeys guided by “might makes right”. Only some are lucky enough to evolve beyond it and see fucking for what it is – war, love’s opposite. How ironic that HIV started with some fucker eating “raw” monkey meat. I agree with a poster from earlier. Gay dudes totally have fallen for the free love garbage. Isn’t that why it’s said to keep your enemies closer? I firmly believe that gay men have been the only obstacle to a happy and healthy community.
Ed Wilson. Sociobiology
@theszak: Irrelevant as it merely shuts down conversation as all biological theories do. What can be done is what’s relevant, not what influences us.
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