BI BI BIRDIES

STUDY: Mens’ Chubs Prove The Existence of Male Bisexuals

Bi guys get hated on a lot as either being closet homos, straight guys who just wanna seem “edgy,” or opportunists who will fuck anything with a pulse. Some gays even go so far as to say that bisexuals don’t actually exist. Well, Northwestern University has just proved that bisexual dudes do exist… and they did it with a little more than porn videos and a dong-measuring machine.

First, Northwestern University rounded up 100 dudes, closely split among bisexuals, heterosexuals and homosexuals. They found the self-identifying bisexual men on bisexual websites (imagine that) and then selected only the ones who had sex with at least two men and two women and had an at least three-month romantic relationship with both a man and a woman. Then they showed all these men a bunch of gay and lesbian pornos while gauging their boner growths with a phallometric device (aka “A Rigidometer”).

Unsurprisingly, “bisexual men responded to both the male and female videos, while gay and straight men in the study did not.” SCIENCE!

But just because some bi guys find homo and hetero porn hot, it’d be a mistake to think that all bi guys feel fifty-fifty about both genders:

Jim Larsen, 53, a chairman of the Bisexual Organizing Project, a Minnesota-based advocacy group, said the findings could help bisexuals still struggling to accept themselves.

“It’s great that they’ve come out with affirmation that bisexuality exists,” he said. “Having said that, they’re proving what we in the community already know. It’s insulting. I think it’s unfortunate that anyone doubts an individual who says, ‘This is what I am and who I am.’ ”

Ellyn Ruthstrom, president of the Bisexual Resource Center in Boston, echoed Mr. Larsen’s discomfort.

“This unfortunately reduces sexuality and relationships to just sexual stimulation,” Ms. Ruthstrom said. “Researchers want to fit bi attraction into a little box — you have to be exactly the same, attracted to men and women, and you’re bisexual. That’s nonsense. What I love is that people express their bisexuality in so many different ways.”

To me, proving that bisexuals exist is like proving that vegetarians exist. Yeah, you might hate vegetarians, and they might eat meat on rare occasion, but they still exist.