The "Science" Of Gay Sex

SURVEY: Twinks, Cubs And Bulls Most Likely To Be Total Bottoms

Are you a Top Twink? A Muscle Pup? Maybe an Otter? A Bull Bottom? Or a Wolf?

The folks at Noodles and Beef recently posted a survey allowing gay men to self-report their stats (age, weight, hairiness, etc.) and find out exactly what gay clique they belong to.

You can also view the physical features of the average person in each clique. For instance, according to the decidedly unscientific survey, the typical Otter is 27 years old, weighs 160.3 pounds, and is “extremely hairy.” In contrast, the typical Gym Bunny is 28 years old, weighs 163.8 pounds, and is “totally smooth.”

In addition, you can see attraction by cliques: 83% of Muscle Bears are into other Muscle Bears. 18% of Twinks are into Cubs. And 45% of Gym Bunnies are into Gym Rats.

You can also see the distribution of tops and bottoms within each clique. It should come as no surprise that Daddies are statistically more likely to be tops than any other clique. Twinks lived up to their stereotype by identifying overwhelmingly as bottoms, making them perfect matches for Daddies. But bottom Twinks, don’t get your hopes up about Bulls: no matter how big and aggressive they may appear, they are one of the cliques most likely to be bottoms.

Take the survey to find out which clique you fit into, as well as how you hold up in comparison to others. You may be surprised at the results.

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  • Tackle

    Twinks cubs and bulls most likely to be bottoms. Of course! But this is not really surprising. Considering that most gay men across the board are bottoms.

  • petensfo

    I clicked through just to find out what a “bull” was… am I that old, I don’t even know all my categories of gay anymore?

    Here’s a joke I liked; not my own.

    Q. How do you define a Top?
    A. A Bottom that got tired of waiting! :)

  • DistingueTraces

    What the heck is a “Bull”?

    I have never heard of this subculture. Now I have yet another standard of desirability to not live up to!

  • Mr. E. Jones

    Twinks and cubs and bulls! Oh my!

  • GayTampaCowboy

    They forgot to add this generalization: Drag Queens and “total bottoms” have the biggest junk! ahhahaha

    I took the actual survey and it stinks that just because i’m over 50 (not FAT but not MUSCULAR) i’m categorized as a “Daddy.” Lord! I know we all read this line on almost EVERY online profile of a guy my age – but i really don’t look or act 50! I mean, i’m fit, don’t have hardly any grey hair (no, i don’t color my hair either), I take care of my skin so I’m not replete with wrinkles, i’m not infatuated with “twinks” or younger guys (guys under 30), I’m not a “regular” at the local gay bar known for its younger/twink crowd.

    We need another label for guys like me! ahhahah

  • tardis

    Otter? Wolf?

    Welcome to the weird world of gay.

  • Paul F

    Yep GayTampaCowboy, more labels are needed! 1)Greybee: Older person who refuses to grow OLD. 2)Hummingbird:Person who flits from dick to dick giving hummers.(“musical” blow jobs) 3)Peter Painter:Person who enjoys covering others in the fluids that spray out his peter. 4)Egay: Person who’s only “out” on the internet. 5)Blender Bender:Person who’s so sexualy confused that they go from totaly straight to totaly gay and ALL shades in between during the course of a single conversation. 6)Snick Snark: Person who’s ability to cast shade is so subtle it doesn’t register until weeks have past then the barb harpoons the victim. See, it’s fun and passes the time and no one else will know what the flock you’re talking about but will make them feel that they’re not “with it” when you drop them into conversation. P.S. bet you’re close by, here in Plant City myself.

  • Bozen

    I’ve never heard of half of these things and I’m 23. Must be the older generation and dadfags who make this stuff up

  • Alan down in Florida

    @Bozen: I’m pushing 60 and never heard of half these things either so don’t blamer the older generation – we’re even more out of the loop than you.

  • gaymaniac

    Never heard of 65% of those categories, but after taking the survey I ended up as a muscle pup?!?!?!

  • Bee Gaga

    I’m 18 and hell I don’t even know these damn categories, the hell is a bull? And what is an otter? Why the hell are we animals? lol

  • fetch3535

    I should like to commission a survey and study to determine if gays in these different categories taste differently. I believe I will start this evening at the Tool Shed in Palm Springs…

  • hyhybt

    What’s a bull?

  • simplicious

    Sadly for us 40+ oldsters, apparently all sexual variation and identity has been telescoped to ‘daddy’. :(

  • JasonBrownUK

    Otters can be any age. They are the slimmer version of a bear lol

    I would also like to point out that bears, cubs and otters aren’t labels. They are part of a sub-culture that has been around for decades.

  • Paul F

    @Paul F: I hope the people who were commenting on never hearing about half these labels were refering to the article and not my sarcastic comment because I DID make it all up just to poke fun at it all….and so should you when you hear someone dropping some label or abbreviation you never heard of. POSOF: Pissed Off Sarcastic Old Fart. ;-)

  • Bopper1

    …I’m 50’s, only out for a couple of years, but if I could make an observation…the degree of social stratification and branding in the LGBT community is its own worst enemy…the prevalent mis-trust of younger gays for older gays, the stereotype that gays over 30 are fossils and/or obsessed with vapid, youthful beauty is ridiculous…young people, men and women, ARE beautiful…but so is maturity, knowledge, wisdom, grace, compassion, empathy, patience, understanding, success, confidence, self-knowledge and experience…I wouldn’t trade any of these for a night with some hot, young piece of ass…well, maybe a couple…but that’s it!…

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