Tabbies Go After The Faggies

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The Mail may have hit gay pay dirt with Lord John Browne‘s “scandalous” sexuality, but it’s not always so easy to drum up a homo-tinged story. Former tabloid slave Marlise Elizabeth Kast has penned a new book, Tabloid Prodigy, in which she sheds some light on the tabloid’s homo obsession. For example, editors at The Globe – the same people who claim Virginia Tech killer, Seung-Hui Cho led a secret gay life – sent Kast on a mission to dig up a story on Tobey Maguire and Leonardo DiCaprio.

In an effort to please her bosses, Kast had a little chat with Maguire’s mama, Wendy. From those gossip-lovers over at Page Six:

Wendy Maguire responded to Kast, “I figured this subject would come up sooner or later . . . Those two are just free-spirited guys. Most of the friends they hang around with are gay. They’re comfortable with that. But I think Leo and Tobey are the crossover between men and women. They have feminine traits they are willing to accept. They aren’t ashamed to have any sort of title, even if that means someone calling them gay.”

Kast continues, “Wendy continued to recount her liberal views, divulging details of how the two friends ‘shared a bed and wore ribbons in their hair.’ ” While Kast wasn’t about to claim the stars were gay, “Wendy had provided exactly what the editors wanted – insinuations.”

Please, who would believe that Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire are gay lovers. Gay, maybe… Lovers? No way. Obviously they’d both be big bottom sluts and we all know two sluts do not a secret affair make…