No fats, no femmes

Why we all should take the “Chappy Pledge” to end hate on dating apps

No fats, no femmes.

We’ve all seen this quote in profiles on gay dating apps–so many times in fact that it has become a running joke about the insensitivity of some gay guys. Rainbow flags and Born This Way Pride are nowhere to be found on most dating apps these days. Instead, insults and putdowns on everything from body type and race to age and gender expression make looking for a date feel more lonely than ever before.

For a people bonded by feeling different, sometimes it seems like we’ve learned to be almost as mean as the people who made us feel being different was wrong in the first place.

Chappy says, Don’t be a dick.

The new gay dating app says enough. It’s time to stop being a dick. Organizing a first-of-its-kind pledge, Chappy wants everyone to join in taking a stand to end the “prejudice disguised as preference” in the LGBTQ community, online and IRL.

The chaps at Chappy are dedicated to creating a vibrant and diverse online community that cares about treating each other with respect, kindness and a whole lot of gay love. Next time you’re swiping for Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now), you’ll be asked to agree to the Chappy Pledge:

At Chappy, we believe beauty is found in the way you treat others. Discrimination by race, religion, disability, gender identity, age or anything else is strictly forbidden.

By using Chappy, users commit to treating their fellow members with respect, kindness and honesty, without judgment or bias.

Your fabulousness is uniquely you, whatever and however you are.

Join Chappy today, take the pledge and help us celebrate beauty of all kinds.

Click here to watch the three minute video and learn more about the Chappy Pledge.

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52 Comments

  • Stache

    Chappy sounds great. No judgement and no preference discrimination. Just a complete utopia where everyone is loved equally. Lol

    • kansasteddybear

      that should last a long time! LOL not in the gay “community” I know!

  • Stache

    Chappy sounds like it’s competing with Jack’d for the sensitive crowd. Instead of just racism will get rid of all preferences. Yeah, I can’t wait to see how that works.

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    Virtue signaling gets me hard. Take my money

  • kent25

    Never been that desperate enough to use a dating app thank Goodness

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    The one on the left looks like a very well nourished MC Ride (for that reason alone I possibly could). The one on the right, however, Is so far off my radar.. which is frankly a relief from the standpoint of potentially making a faux pas over pronouns

    • Kangol

      If you’re unsure what to say,
      Just go with “they”!

  • Brian

    Was the name Snowflak’r already taken?

    • jonasalden

      Yes. As was your imagination. At least think up your own expressions, rather than beating to death a news-of-the-moment expression.

    • Brian

      Triggered? Stop noun shaming me.

  • Brian

    Also, isn’t it dishonest and journalistically unethical to not label this clearly sponsored post as the ad it is?

    • Brody

      Since when have journalists been honest and ethical?

  • Ummmm Yeah

    You should stop pushing the rape culture against gay men. You have no right to try to force anyone to have sex with anyone else.

    • graphicjack

      No one is ‘forcing’ you to have sex with someone you’re not attracted to. The concept of the app is to be kind when talking to those we aren’t interested in. While it probably wouldn’t hurt us to get over our so called ‘types’ and give other people a chance in the sack (they might surprise you and give you more options) the likelihood is you won’t open your mind and that’s fine. The point is, you don’t have to be an asshole when rejecting people, and you don’t have to put your dislikes so openly in your profile, because it can be hurtful for others who internalize this name calling and rejection. No one is going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and we’re all going to be rejected by someone we are attracted to. What would be nice is if people used a little etiquette and kindness in doing it.

  • terminalose

    It looks like a scam: I’m in a big French city, but not big enough to know any of the gays in my city according to this application. Worse: I doubt that there are Amerindians in France

    • terminalose

      Not big enough to NOT know, …. my bad

  • tnguy222

    damn, that white boy is the sweetest piece of trim ive seen all day (next to my twink boyfriend :) )

    Id love to give him my chocolate covered banana to play with.

    Long live femme boys! God’s greatest gift to humanity since manna!

  • NateOcean

    The profiles all look the same; no height, weight, age, hair, eyes, race, hiv-status, etc. No profile pics.

    And all the dick pics are blank.

  • Notright

    I have a question for the people promoting this nonsense. Are all gay men sexist because they have a preference for men instead of women?

    • Kangol

      No, you’re sexist and misogynistic because you really are. Just admit it.

  • Howard Roark

    Who writes this rubbish, anyway?

    • Kangol

      Of course you wrote that and instead of just leaving the first link, felt the need to repost it. As your hero Donald Trump would say, “Sad!” Yeah, OK. And you’d probably be the first to scream if you were mistreated by a homophobe, but racism, sexism, etc. you have no problem with. “Preference shaming.” Just remember, NO conservative or right-winger has led or secured the fight for the legal equality or rights you enjoy as a gay man in the US.

  • jonasalden

    Expecting gay Americans to not be American is wishful thinking. Racial hierarchy is built into the national DNA.

    • Ummmm Yeah

      As opposed to all those well integrated black, Asian, and Hispanic cultures? Oh wait there aren’t any of those at all. Not a single one of them promotes other races moving to their countries.

  • demetreus

    Honestly, have some people not learned the power of being pleasant? If someone contacts you who isnt your type, you simply accept the compliment and say thank you.
    I have a phrase for these types. They are called Desperate Daters and they can be described as:
    1- Those who use hate speech in their profile to attract attention.
    2- Those who list what they are not into because they are TOO busy to sift through messages.
    3- are unlucky on their dating app and are taking their frustration out on others.
    A good person will alway want to invite good into their lives. Good doesnt have a weight, height, race. Good is not a top, bottom, masc or fem.
    Positivity is the experience of giving and accepting good.

  • Kangol

    Great for Chappy and everyone who wants to join them. If you don’t, don’t download the app. Someone should set up Kaukkasus or Schnee or Valhalla something for the white supremacists who love to post on here. But why does this article have no byline? It does look like an ad. The bearded bear on the left, BTW, is hot. The one on the right fits what I imagine the spirit Ariel from Shakespeare’s The Tempest looks like.

    • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

      That is possibly the nicest most erudite way of calling someone a fairy I’ve ever read

    • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

      I definitely agree “they” have an elfin quality tho. But could that not be offensive if, say, they personally identify as a dragon-slaying warrior and scourge of all eldritch evildoer folk?

    • SnakeyJ

      This IS an ad. Queerty has been baiting with fake stories for a while now. Isn’t there a law against this?

  • surreal33

    The foundation of society is RACISM. Therefore you cannot eliminate RACISM from gay apps as it is within DNA of everyone. Until we are ready to admit this glaring fact all the little anecdotes about racism and hate are futile.

    • WindsorOntario

      I don’t disagree with you but I’d like to add it’s also CLASSISM – especially within the gay male community in larger cities. No matter what you do, it’s never enough…if you look great, then you’re dumped because you don’t have a masters degree or white collar job or lots of money. If you have all the money/higher education then you’re out of luck if you don’t look perfect and are over 30. Lots of gay men have stopped going out and socializing within the gay community altogether because they’re sick of being treated this way. We are either expected to be sex objects or success objects or both.
      This is why opiate addiction and suicide is so high amongst our community. It sometimes looks hopeless because it becomes more clear that finding love in the gay community just isn’t going to happen, and now with these lists and expectations and everything, we can’t even be friends with each other.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      @WindsorOntario: Yes it’s true, there are a LOT of gay guys out there who don’t have masters degrees, don’t have a lot of money, don’t have impressive careers, are over 30, and don’t look perfect.

      And yeah, I include myself in “all of the above.”

      Obviously, since there are SO MANY OF US, we tend to find each other. Sometimes it takes a little time but it’s really not THAT difficult. I don’t understand why you have so much trouble finding anyone and you whine about it and blame the “gay community” on every gay or gay-ish forum you can find (including even the Village Voice once during Pride week, as I recall).

      If you have trouble finding gay, non-sexual friends, it’s not because of any of the factors you mention. It’s probably because you’re too whiny, and a bit of a self-hating homophobe.

      If you’re having trouble finding a sex partner, jeez, go to a friggin’ bathhouse and as long as you DON’T TALK, you’ll probably get some. :)

      Your mis-defining this as some sort of “gay community” problem is not helping you.

  • southsam7

    More bullshit. If I’m not attracted to obese men, women or people of African decent, that makes me a racist or misogynist? We’re all suddenly supposed to be attracted to the things were not, all so unrelated strangers will feel better? It’s hopelessly flawed Utopia and it’s none of their damn business. Oh yeah, this was an ad, poorly disguised as an article for Crappy.

  • IWantAFullBeard

    How exactly do you take preference out of mate selection?

    Maybe instead of an app without preferences, we just remind people to be polite. In fact, don’t even remind people. Someone who puts some jackass thing on their profile just clues others in.

  • am_psi

    Maybe these guys didn’t have success on dating apps because they seem like big self-pitying wusses. A little confidence (even faked) will get you a long way.

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    So let me get this straight. It’s not about advocating mandatory sympathy fücks (?), but instead advocating being better at dissembling about why you find them unfückable? So you still get to discriminate and also get a pat on the back and a woke cookie. Or maybe it’s really an app for pansexuals (half-assed ones) who don’t care about “gender expression”, unlike most gay/bi men whom really rather do. Quite a lot.

    • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

      Or “Who”* …whom knows????

  • jd.cali

    From my experience, all these dating apps are the exact same with the exact same people with in most cases the exact same profiles…
    I encourage decency and openness but it will not change a person’s preference or their bigotry.
    A person who does not fit the generalized ideal mold, which for argument sake I will say is white/muscular/seemingly masculine/&attractive, will still face the same challenges/rejections. So this seems like putting lipstick on a pig.
    I’m all for a positive message of course but I don’t see how this will change anyone’s experience. What needs to happen is positive exposure for gays who are not “the ideal” buff masculine beauty (or so it would seem) in the media, including this site. They need to be seen and celebrated. The ideal gay man is not real. It’s rare to be a model. The media is just a fantasy but society forgets that and compares themselves to it, measures themselves, often learning to hate themself for not being perfect.
    Positive diverse real regular rollmodels will make a much bigger difference. Glamorized men from all walks of life. And the truth is, most men are not “ideal” men. Never will be. They are diversely average and that’s cool because everyone is still unique and with amazing traits.

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    My first thought after seeing that pic was: Yikes! Blacked.com has fallen off badly!

  • barkomatic

    Some people just need to calm down. No one is saying you need to get together with someone you’re not into, but don’t make a point to insult people. As a private company, Chappy has every right to kick people out for being jerks.

  • sdd

    I can’t wait to join snappy, snippy, “chappy” where there will no prejudice and no judgement regarding my being a senior, HIV poz, a stoner, a long walk on the beach person, and my comedic drag characters! Yea! Just to think that I will not hear the words troll, bitch, drug addict, gender bender, cynic and a preference for Latinos. How will I say, no meth users without judging..

  • sfhairy

    LOL! This is getting ridiculous. This app will fail no matter how hard Queerty tries to promote it. Try taking this PC nonsense to the bars/nightclubs. People segregate themselves over the smallest thing (ie will dick size become a non-negotiable now?) Are people going to scream racism/sexism/ageism if I don’t latch onto some little ambiguous raced twink who is 21 and wanting a “daddy” (oh wait, they are discriminating by wanting a daddy).

  • Danny595

    You can’t go to a sex app where you peddle your body like an object, and where you select the bodies of complete strangers from a torso menu, like buying slabs of meat at the butcher’s shop — and then protest that people are focused on the physical and aren’t being nice to you. It’s absurd. If you knowingly enter a sewer, don’t complain about the smell.

    A better approach is to avoid the sewer.
    Toss all of these hookup apps, stop helping a bunch of venture capitalists get rich off of gay people, and instead embrace love, monogamous relationships and marriage.

  • StupidBoy

    I keep reading that the preferences on dating apps are white, young, masculine gym rats, and the slideshows on Queerty and Advocate and Out seem to support that. My preferences are almost total opposite of that, and I have some body issues, so I decided several years ago that I wanted to stop having to buy guys meth or coke in order to have some human contact, so I became celibate and semi-agoraphobic. I’ve never been on a hook-up app on my phone yet and I don’t go out to bars. My friend gets upset that I don’t want to go over to her house or have company, but I simply can’t deal with the gay community in person anymore. Even in my online game, there were several people that quoted alt-right talking points, almost point for point, that I blocked them. I write, listen to music, read the news, read books, but as for trying to connect with another human online, I don’t think that will happen. Gym rats and pretty boiz are made to make the gay world go round. Some of us others are made to make sure the mechanisms of the world keep working so they can have a nice time. I’m satisfied now that I may never have sex again before I die or meet a dark-skinned man who isn’t afraid to wear makeup or be feminine, but wants to be a man with a man. My place in the world is making sure that it keeps turning and the world behind the scenes keeps fitting into the boxes you expect it to. I don’t only like dark-skinned black men, but I’ve been told online many times that I fetishize black men by finding them attractive and that is racist, so I just don’t anymore. I will keep the world turning for you, and you get out there and post pics of your abs and parties.

    • Kangol

      Perhaps consider a LGBTQ group that connects with your interests, like reading or liberal politics organization (like Drinking Left, etc.) or a music-listening club. I imagine you’ll find other gay and queer people who defy the stereotypes, you’ll connect with people who are more in sync with where you are in the world, and yes, you might meet some attractive guys who fit the kinds you tend to be drawn to (unless, of course, you’re in an area that isn’t too diverse). Also, being attracted to certain types of people isn’t a fetish unless that’s the chief and only thing you fixate on, then it can be an issue.

  • DavidIntl

    Hmm… I watched the video, and I think it gave me the opposite of the intended message. They present a very diverse bunch of guys, and I would be glad to count most of them as my friend. But it was really clear to me that there was only one who I would find remotely attractive as a romantic partner – and he (the very blonde twink) is gorgeous. I realise of course that for others the “one” hot guy will have been one of the others, and they won’t understand what I see in that twink at all. And… that’s just fine. None of us are bad people because of it.

  • baggins435

    This is beyond ridiculous. Whatever it is the Chappy people and their supporters are smoking, toking, snorting, shooting, injecting, inhaling, or imbibing, they need to just stop. There is NO ONE on the planet who is attracted to everyone else. No one. It is not racist to not be attracted to every racial type out there. Attraction is an involuntary response to the sensory input we process. You can’t just make yourself attracted to someone you’re not. If you could how many of us would be straight? I tried to like girls all through jr high and high school and it didn’t work no matter how much I prayed and cried. Ditto for “liking” some other races and/or ethnicities. I grew up in the south surrounded by whites and blacks. I was almost 30 before I moved somewhere there were a number of Hispanics, and I still haven’t been around Asians. There is no excuse for being rude to someone who isn’t your “type”, but neither is it ok to be offended if you aren’t someone else’s type either. These people’s goal seems to be have everyone not only wear blinders, but those Zentai suits and use gender neutral pronouns. I learned many years ago that just because I find a guy attractive is no reason to assume he will find me attractive, and I’m ok with that. You can’t make someone like you, and you don’t have that right any way. I wish Chappy luck, but I think they are going down in flames.

  • bugg

    Welcome to democracy: having the right to like OR NOT “fat” “femme” “InsertWhateverYouWantHere” people.

    Some people have preferences. Sexual preferences. Welcome to the world. Deal with it.

    This is stoopid. This article is stoopid.

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