Is there anything worse than being straight? It sounds absolutely awful, from the boring smalltalk, to the white picket fences, to not being allowed to eat ice cream. Wait, what?
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Yes, apparently that’s a new rule for straight people–sorry, heterosexuals! According to British TV host Richard Hammond, “I don’t eat ice cream. It’s something to do with being straight.” He said this in a room full of people, with cameras pointed at him, and he appeared sober, so it must have been something he intended to say. And then he doubled down and defended himself.
Hammond added, “it’s that way rather than that way.” What even are straight people? How do they live in this insane world where the rules are constantly shifting like a churning bucket of dairy products?
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Anyway, this probably means more ice cream for queer people, or something. Since this odd moment happened, Twitter has been sharing various weird stories about the gymnastics straight people have to endure: “One time a straight didn’t want to capitalize on the 2-4-1 cocktail happy hour with me because two guys drinking cocktails was weird,” writes one person. “An ex’s house mate had really long hair, but wouldn’t use a hairdryer because gay. He smelled damp all the time,” writes another. And another said, “my uncle told my cousin he can’t chew gum. Gum is for women and gay men. Mints are for men.”
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Just another reminder to thank your lucky stars every single day that you can do what you like, lick whatever you want, and don’t have to constantly prove your sexuality.
Brian
There is no such thing as straight and gay. Straight and gay are artifices created by the Left to separate male homosexual desire away from the rest of the world.
This was done to accommodate the anxiety that the female sex has about male homosexual desire.
Thus, gay is a homophobic concept.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Silly remark gets even sillier amount of media attention
Captain proton
I knew there was a reason I don’t like mints
Aromaeus
It’s only gay if you get rainbow sprinkles.
Jack Meoff
Men who get hung up about their masculinity and not doing things that may be perceived as gay seem very suspicious to me. It’s a classic case of over compensating in an effort to hide their true self. I’m not saying it necessarily means they are closet cases but perhaps they are worried that they are not masculine enough. Men who are comfortable with themselves don;t get cuaught up in this kind of thing.
Heywood Jablowme
I once had a straight co-worker who thought it was “gay” for two men to go to dinner together in a restaurant. Anything fancier than McDonald’s was gay!
Chris
In the immortal words o Bugs Bunny: What a maroon!
Paco
For something that is supposed to be a sign of strength, confidence and virility, masculinity seems to be so fragile for some men.
Ice cream is on the menu for me tonight.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@Paco: Indeed.
Captain Obvious
He must thing ice cream dripping down his face looks like cum which means he’s thinking about cum and eats his ice cream like a toddler.
Kieran
More people would probably equate his English accent with being gay than his eating an ice cream cone.
crowebobby
Of course this is ridiculous, but years ago I read a serious book on Russian Society by a former diplomat, I believe, and he said no Russian man would eat an ice cream cone out on the street because it wasn’t macho. I once lit a cigarette and started to pass it to my Cuban friend while we were in Havana and he told me this would be considered absolutely gay behavior in Cuba. Different people different mores.
iranardo_dasilva
He is so silly. Everyday human beings get sillier and sillier. Maybe what he really wanted was eating an ice-cream or lick some lollipop. I cannot see the weirdness of guy who wants to eat an ice-cream. Our minds that are dirty, we are getting used to see bad things where they are not.