Ted Casablanca To Be Made Honest Woman

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Big News in Gayville. And when we say “big,” we mean “a sort-of-famous E! network staple homo-journo plans on getting hitched”. No, not Steve Kmetko. No, not Mark Malkin. No, not even Ryan Seacrest. Give up? Ted Casablanca! (As if the headline didn’t tip you off.)

That’s right, everyone’s favorite toothy yet handsome columnist has accepted soon-to-be hubbie Jon Powell’s proposal. Or, at least, that’s what Defamer heard from Stony_Curtis who heard it from Casablanca’s The Awful Truth:

Which brings me to why I feel like Ms. Hilton today–kinda/sorta/maybe just a li’l. All legal and loony, really. See, my partner, whose name is Jon Powell, got all rather Paris Latsis when we were on a deserted Hawaiian beach.

Mind you, J. didn’t have a huge-butt rock with him, but, he did do something that’s often accompanied with such brilliant specimens: He proposed. And I do mean marriage… [And] I said yes.

So, get ready, Ah-nuld, you homo-bashing big-hair. Since the California legislature approved gay marriage, only to be vetoed by your fruit-served self (I mean, do you all know how many gays have serviced Schwarzenegger’s girlie coiffure alone?), I suspect my attention to your sorry and sagging behind will only increase during my engagement.

‘Cause a gossip columnist can’t live by love alone.

How romantic: a beach, a comparison to Paris Hilton and a threat to highlight a Governor’s political shortcomings. Mr. Casablanca truly is in love.