seltzer slinger

That Ted Cruz hard seltzer-throwing incident just took an even more embarrassing turn

Ted Cruz in a blue suit speaking into a microphone.

Ted Cruz can’t seem to catch a break recently — which is the precise number of breaks he deserves — but a recent court ruling is an especially funny strike against the anti-LGBTQ senator.

Back in November, the Texan embarrassment was riding through the Astros World Series Parade (to some cacophonous boos) when a can of White Claw was sent hurling towards him. Instead of attempting to catch it like many others in the parade, he drew back in fear and let his detail send security after the fan who threw it.

It didn’t make any substantial contact, so don’t clutch any pearls:

It seems Cruz has been so thoroughly disliked (even in his own state) for so long that, on instinct, he assumed that a celebratory gesture was an attempt to cause him harm.

Related: Of course Meghan McCain has found a way to make the situation with Ted Cruz’s daughter about herself

The crowd member who tossed the drink, Joseph Arcidiacono, has officially not been indicted by a grand jury and has had the charges dropped by a Harris County Court. The defense’s claim that the entire incident was intended as “stupid, good fun” that “ended up as not fun” was seemingly enough to convince the court to rule against Cruz.

Following his arrest, Arcidiacono’s attorney assured that the action was “not political violence nor ‘aggravated assault with a deadly weapon’,” but instead “an Astros fan trying to toss drinks from his cooler.”

The lawyer also pointed out that Arcidiacono had apparently been waiting for such an opportunity. Texts he sent the night before the parade read, “My dream would be to throw one of the players a beer. Doubt it would happen haha but that would be epic.”

The defense cited this instance as one of the “many generous, fun, semi-stupid, legendary moments” that has happened at an Astros parade, and hoped to continue to see them in the future despite this misunderstanding.

Related: Ana Navarro telling Ted Cruz to kindly STFU on ‘The View’ is literally all of us

The attorney went on to compare this altercation to similar events from the parade that had much better results.

“Fans throw cans to people in championship parades all the time, that is a widely known thing, to get them to chug,” the attorney explains. “Astros pitcher Ryne Stanek set the legendary chugging bar high that day. The Houston Astros official social media account featured him chugging a beer a fan threw to him. That fan posted his own video showing how excited he was it happened.”

Unfortunately for Arcidiacono, those same athletic reflexes were not present in the senator.

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