Remember when, during his failed bid for the presidency, Ted Cruz tried to sell himself as a normal, relatable human by whipping out his godawful Simpsons impressions? Well, the bloviating Texas Senator is at again, trying to ruin more cartoons for you.
As shared by The Recount, Cruz used a recent live taping of his podcast, Verdict With Ted Cruz, to whine about Disney’s (too little, too late) condemnation of Florida’s dangerous “Don’t Say Gay” bill.
After a few lapses in logic, the anti-LGBTQ senator brainlessly asserted that Disney wants to have “Mickey and Pluto going at it” in “every episode.” Every episode of what? What is this man even talking about?
Even with the full context of the clip, his argument is bunk, but you can hear the nonsense for yourself below:
How about we take this to the next level?
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Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) slams Disney for opposing Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” law:
“In every episode now, they’re gonna have Mickey and Pluto going at it … You can always shift to Cinemax if you want that.” pic.twitter.com/iZX82OiyC2
— The Recount (@therecount) April 19, 2022
When his co-host Michael Knowles jokes, “Thank you for that image, Senator,” one has to wonder just how long the thought of Mickey and Pluto boning has been rattling around in Cruz’s head to begin with.
And is it even worth it to get into that fact that, in the world of these characters, Mickey is a talking, anthropomorphized mouse, while Pluto is his pet dog? What Cruz is talking about here in animated bestiality.
We digress.
As he rambles on, the shoddy pundit offers up Cinemax as a solution for anyone who wants to see that sort of thing and resorts to the same treacly, “golden days” bullsh*t as so many MAGA touters: “You used to be able to put your kids on the Disney Channel and be like, ‘Alright, something innocuous will happen.'”
Cruz offers up an extreme hypothetical—one he pulls out of thin air—then treats it as an inevitability, railing against something he just made up himself. This is right-wing fear-mongering 101.
And while it’s nice to have a laugh about Cruz evoking cartoon sex for some dumb argument, let’s not forget the insidious agenda at work here. He can write this off as a joke, or some lame attempt at parody, but this is no comedian (or impressionist). This is a politician pointedly attempting to stoke the flames of homophobia once again.
Here’s what Twitter has to say about it…
There’s going to be a Ted Cruz bio some day, and the index will be AMAZING.
Big Bird, accusation of COVID “propaganda” and … 62
Disney, bestiality fantasies and …212
“Green Eggs & Ham,” Senate performance of …158
Legislation …N/A
“Simpsons” impersonations …34-38
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) April 19, 2022
Why is Ted Cruz talking about a porno where Mickey Mouse and Pluto are doing the sex?
Is … is he ok?
— Baroness Becky Bunzy, Co-CEO Execubetch™? Power (@BeckyBunzy) April 19, 2022
I swear Ted Cruz and the GOP are the only people that think about Disney characters fucking. pic.twitter.com/nYiCu9XqY3
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) April 19, 2022
Breaking: Mickey Mouse and Pluto are gay. Source: Ted Cruz.
— Larue ?? FIGHT FASCISM ELECT DEMOCRATS (@LeftHandedLarue) April 19, 2022
I did NOT have "Cartoon Dog Porn Expert" Ted Cruz in my Tuesday Hellscape Bingo card.
— Rick Wilson (@TheRickWilson) April 19, 2022
@tedcruz misses the days when you could put your kids in front of a Disney movie and something innocuous would happen… no “nuvo” style relationships that would make a red-blooded man uncomforta… wait a minute!!! ? pic.twitter.com/O1u1wO2DFo
— Joy-Ann (Pro-Democracy) Reid ? (@JoyAnnReid) April 19, 2022
If I was United States Senator Ted Cruz, I would not say something in the vein of "haha what if Mickey Mouse fucked Pluto, a non-sapient dog, wouldn't that be crazy?" in front of an audience.
Really, I wouldn't do that at all.
— Eva Cantor, best beer in the game (@LetheRiverBand) April 19, 2022
Imagine how disgusting your brain has to be that when you think of LGBTQ+ inclusion in animation you INSTANTLY think of a mouse fucking his pet dog https://t.co/9ONWXgIJ5T
— Jay Jurden Just Jokes…Again 5/21/22 (@JayJurden) April 19, 2022
Fun Fact: @TedCruz thinks about Mickey Mouse banging Pluto 100% more than the average person should.
— ??Soapbox Jay???? (@onasoapboxxx) April 19, 2022
Wait, Ted Cruz thinks Mickey Mouse is banging Pluto?
Well that’s just fucking Goofy.pic.twitter.com/zcvR0ioZny— Jo ? (@JoJoFromJerz) April 19, 2022
BREAKING: Ted Cruz concocts a bizarre fantasy scenario, falsely claims that Disney now mandates that "every episode" of its TV shows depict "Mickey and Pluto going at it." RT IF YOU THINK CRUZ NEEDS SERIOUS HELP!
— Occupy Democrats (@OccupyDemocrats) April 19, 2022
Ted Cruz: What next, is Goofy gonna dress as a cop and handcuff Mickey to a chair and make him watch while he has sex with Minnie
audience: *sporadic, uncertain applause*
Ted Cruz: what if Goofy, like, spit in Mickey's mouth
audience:
Ted Cruz: that's liberals for ya
— preorder CHAOTIC NEUTRAL now (@edburmila) April 19, 2022
ZzBomb
Remember when being in politics, people actually had to do work and instances like this where they completely debase themselves would be such an embarrassment they would be forced to resign and leave the party? I miss those days.
BennyTheHill
I agree that Ted Cruz says some ridiculous things, but the Queen of Stupidity in Congress is that race-baiter: Maxine Waters.
ZzBomb
Benny, please elaborate b/c I haven’t seen or heard a single thing from her in ages where the Republicans are constantly saying stupid shit daily.
Man About Town
Remember on the sitcom “Soap” when Jodie (Billy Crystal) said Goofy was Pluto’s lover? This adds quite a complication to that relationship!
Bosch
“I always think about gay sex when I see gay people, because I’m so straight.” – every homophobe
Show of hands, guys, how many of you think of straight sex every time you see straight people?
AdamMK
The only time I think of anyone having any kind of sex is when I see a visibly pregnant woman. That belly didn’t just appear out of nowhere.
JB
Hard to believe this idiot was admitted to Princeton and Harvard. I guess their admission standards were MUCH lower when he applied to college.
jt1990
@JB Ivy leagues are way overrated these days. Back then, they may have carried a lot more weight.
It was easier to bribe admissions if one’s parents had money and junior wasn’t bright enough to impress. Big brother wasn’t quite as efficient at spying on us in the old days, so less risk of getting caught.
On a side note, am I the only one noticing a link between politicians and apparent dementia? With the high salary and exclusive healthcare, you would think their brains (and bodies) would age better.
My2CentsWorth
Or, maybe money got him in. His father was, after all, working in the oil industry in Alberta.
BennyTheHill
The admission standard was higher back then. Now they’re taking in lots imbeciles due to affirmative action.
Kangol2
BennytheLoonyTunes, the imbeciles were there from the beginning. George W. Bush, as dumb as a brick, got into Yale and then graduated from Harvard Business School. Don the Con, a complete imbecile, couldn’t even get into Penn at first, then transferred from Fordham after his brother intervened and someone else allegedly took his SATs. Many wealthy, stupid heirs have attended these schools.
Also, don’t knock affirmative action, since the majority of beneficiaries of affirmative action have been WHITE WOMEN. (Of course your racist troll @ss didn’t know that. But look it up if you can figure out how to do so!)
Polaro
Ted is actually rather smart, which makes his poor performance and laziness all the more disappointing. Most Congress people aren’t very bright. They may have degrees, but they really aren’t that bright. Some are just outright dumb (e.g. MTG, Madison Cawthorn, Boebert, Maxine Waters – yeah, come for me, she’s dumb). The few that are are (e.g. Katie Porter, Mitt Romney) just can’t seem to make a difference.
BennyTheHill
Kangol2:
I agree with you that George W. Bush is as dumb as dirt. But so are most of those minorities from the ghetto who are aided by affirmative.
BennyTheHill
Polaro:
I agree with you about Maxine Waters. You could also throw into that category many members of the Congressional Black Caucus, too.
Jim
Maybe it’s time we acknowledge that the”cache” of Princeton, Harvard etc. Is just smoke a mirrors.
Let’s face it. If you want a good education you go where the good teachers are not overpaid researchers.
jt1990
I have always suspected the mouse was gay, but never witnessed the two “getting it on” or whatever Mr. Cruz stated. I’ll take some mushrooms and rewatch a few episodes. Maybe that’s how it works?
My2CentsWorth
Mickey Mouse was my favorite when I was a child. Never thought Mickey or any of the other characters were sexually active.
gaym50ish
And it’s not just gay sex — it’s INTERSPECIES gay sex.
Max
Cruz, one of those moron Republicans, is sexualizing fictitious characters that were never construed to be a gay relationship. he’s got some sort of messed up fetish going on via his oral diarrhea from marbles bouncing about in his head.
BennyTheHill
He’s a moron? You should be so lucky in having degrees from Princeton and Harvard. I’d bet you’re a high school dropout.
storm45701
Now, now Benny… this seems to have ruffled your feathers a bit. You can tell us: when did you start fantasizing about Ted Cruz? Before beard or after?
white-queer-african
@storm45701 trust me ol’ Fake Tits Twit @BennyTheHill fantasizes over anything that is from the GOF party, male and white!
LOL.LOL.LOL.
It is a dim pathetic troll.
Stefano
@white-queer-african : we all know that BennyTheHill is a troll. “A person who relentlessly posts provocative messages on the Internet in order to stir up controversy and upset the balance of a given community.” Maybe Queerty hired him to create clicks? He always responds to comments in the same way…as if he was programmed. Someone in their right mind would let go and move on but not him. It’s like he needs to prove something to himself. That’s the sad thing, when your life depends on an internet gossip site to make you feel good, your life isn’t worth much.
BennyTheHill
white-queer-african:
Flattery won’t get you anywhere with me, sweetie.
I’m already taken.
However, your obsession with me is flattering. Anyway, we wouldn’t be a good match as I only hookup with handsome and intelligent men, and you’re not one of them. 🙁
BennyTheHill
storm45701:
I find Ted Cruz physically repulsive. Now, I wouldn’t mind hooking up with Madison Cawthorn. I know he’s paralyzed, but because he has such a cute face and chiseled torso, I’d let him suck me dry.
BennyTheHill
Stefano: Two words of advice for you: PLASTIC SURGERY.
gaym50ish
Cruz knows a lot about gay sex. He’s so far up Donald Trump’s ass that he probably ran into Sean Hannity.
Heywood Jablowme
There’s an episode of The Office where someone at the paper mill puts an obscene watermark on Dunder-Mifflin’s fanciest paper: a “beloved cartoon duck” f*cking a “beloved cartoon mouse.”
Dwight says, “I grew up on a farm and whoever drew this got it exactly right.”
Brian
I’m guessing that he meant to say Mickey and Goofy. Those two are both adult male characters who walk and talk. And so it’s completely disingenuous when he uses the line “I’m a father of daughters” and paints the scene of him frequently sitting with his kids and watching TV together. He doesn’t even know the names of the animals. What “episode” is he talking about? Mickey is primarily a symbol these days, not a character on new episodes of any serial TV show. His lies are so obvious.
Kangol2
Rafael Ted Cruz is an embarrassment to the state of Texas, the US Senate, Princeton, Harvard, and anyone and anything that has ever been linked to him, including his wife and kids. He really should do us all a favor and hop on a one-way flight to Cancun, where he was headed as his state was suffering a major energy crisis, and never, ever come back!
Polaro
Cruz really isn’t an honest arbiter on this topic. Clearly, as a “heterosexual” he is blind to the pervasive heterosexual promotion in all media. Disney is chock a block with heterosexual relationships; all the prince and princess stories are just promotions of the heterosexual normality. Expanding this to the real world, which has LGBT people cannot be a bad thing, assuming you do not hate LGBT people; the jury is clearly out on this with Ted. As far as Disney characters having sex in a cartoon, he is just being a fool. Be careful Ted is not stupid, far from it, but he is wildly dangerous and underhanded.
radiooutmike
Just when I forget that Ted Cruz exists, he comes back with another dumb and inappropriate thing to say.
fur_hunter
Such a MORON……. and we, the taxpayers, are paying him nearly $200,000 a year to be an IMBECILE senator. Pathetic.
BennyTheHill
I can’t believe we’re paying an Alzheimer’s patient $400,000 to be President.
BennyTheHell
BTH: cite one valid source for your statement.
dbmcvey
These conservatives are obsessed with gay sex.
BennyTheHill
I’m a conservative and I’m obsessed with gay sex, so you are right about at least one of us.
KyleMichelSullivan
Jesus, Benny, give it a rest. You’re being ridiculous.
Kangol2
@KyleMichaelSullivan, BennytheLoony may be suffering from multiple personality disorder.
She’s gone from being a 1) gay ex-Dem libertarian (James Hart) to a 2) gay libertarian (BarryM) to a 3) trans “civil libertarian” (MarcyMayer) to now being a 4) garden variety racist “conservative” obsessed with “gay sex.”
The verdict is clear: she’s as deranged and racist as her beloved Don the Con, whom she implicitly defends above despite his imbecility. She’s a hopeless troll. Thankfully Queerty has stopped the multiple posts on the same thread.
Mack
I would love for Disney to sue Ted for slander. But then again he would take off for Cancun.
traced
Your “comments” have moved into dumb gay bit sex sh**. I hate Ted Cruz. He is evil. Enough said your “discussion” is about yall, not about the issues. This is REAL! Dont trivialize this as you are. Try being female, a Mom for and therapist for transgender kids in Texas for 30+ years and we would see how “fun” this all is. Make some sense, be serious, and not just flap your gd gums or otherwise shut YOUR pie holes!
johncp56
Just to damn hateful scummy creep,