“So my daughter told me she ‘hates gay people’ yesterday and I’m at a loss on how to handle this.”
Those are the opening words of a concerned father in a Reddit post seeking help. It’s certainly a role-reversal in how we usually hear these kinds of familial conflicts play out, but young people are like sponges — sometimes influence comes from the unlikeliest of places.
He says he made a joke about his daughter “surprising us” by bringing home a girl. “Her reaction was of immediate disgust of homosexuality which left me stunned.”
He continues:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
“I am in no way a prejudiced person and have a strict belief of acceptance of all people (do my best with this). This morning I told her I was very disappointed and that she shouldn’t judge people based on anything other than their actions and even then forgiveness is always a door that should be unlocked. She proceeded to tell me being gay was disgusting and that she thought it was gross and she really does hate gay people.”
Every study on the subject shows that young people embrace diversity in sexuality and gender at incredibly high, never-before-seen rates. But clearly the wold won’t be all butterflies and gumdrops once they mature into adulthood.
Perhaps this girl is in fact just going through a phase, and will learn she doesn’t really mean the things she’s saying, but what should this dad do in the mean time?
“It’s not what I want for her and I know it’s best to show kids a good direction and let them make conclusions themselves but, I feel like I failed somewhere. She’s always been a good kid and she’s in her second year of college (she’s been done with HS credits way early, yea smart one) even made deans list last quarter so I just can’t figure out why the hate. Her mom is full Latina so she is biracial which I would think that alone might give her a little better perspective on what it’s like to be a minority and she’s even been on the bad end of racism on more than one occasion from adults. So she knows what it’s like to be hated or looked down on just because of her appearance.”
Then again, college is the time when some of our core identity characteristics are cemented, which is troubling here to say the least.
What advice would you give Dad?
jdboston617
My thoughts are leave Reddit to Reddit.
Why discuss (mostly) imaginary stories on another website?
thealexofevil
Yet another Reddit story. Slow news day?
okbye
Well, it’s an interesting topic.
Personally I have questions, maybe I should find it on Reddit, but isn’t anyone else curious as to why she feels this way? If she wasn’t raised that way (and it sounds like she wasn’t) and her father had never heard her say anything like this before then something happened in the likely recent past to make her feel like this. Either outside influence or a traumatic event.
I’ve always wanted to be an analyst, lol.
Ogier
An interesting story and dilemma. It is not unusual for a person, lacking status in the dominant power group to seek an outlier group, seen as even more despised for reinforcement. This is at the basis of the whole poor white/black conflict. I am assuming the girl’s mixed blood is obvious. One can assume she didn’t come by her views from the family. At this stage I can’t see how the parents can have any influence in changing her other than a gentle reproach when offered the opportunity.
nitejonboy
The poor girl needs therapy stat. This is how terrorists are born. Get her some help, someone to talk to before she stages a mass shooting at a gay/straight alliance meeting at college.
mykelb
We all know what the studies say; Those who yell loudest about homosexuality are trying to cover up their own sexual insecurities and same sex feelings. They need family counseling/education from a sex expert.
ChrisK
@mykelb: Yep. Ironic since it just brought her out of the closet for most that know the obvious signs.
Rimminit
Im betting she’s discovered Jesus and is regurgitating the words she’s been hearing through the Christian youth group she’s attending.
Terrycloth
Maybe she doesn’t have anyone close to her that’s gay.if a friend she’s known for a long time comes out to her maybe she will.change her mind.maybe she saw 2 kissing girls and that freaked her out.maybe 2 guys it’s ok..
girldownunder
1) is closeted
2) was teased about being gay
3) was bullied by a gay student(s)
4) coerced by a group of bigoted kids or their parents
I vote #1.
Imho
seaguy
@jdboston617: Posting it on Queerty opens it up to a larger audience meaning more people making suggestions more chances of finding a way to respond to his misinformed daughter.
Jack Meoff
Reddit stories are rarely legit but if this was a real scenario I would suggest she has fallen in with a group at college who tout these attitudes and ideals and she is trying to fit in. Probably pro Trump rabble who are caught up in the rhetoric of hate speech.
Caliban
My conversation with her would start. “Listen, you little bitch…” and go on from there. It would be the same is I heard her call someone a n****r. You don’t coddle something like this, worry about their delicate feelings, you nip it in the bud, sharp and fast. If they don’t likeit, tough, but at least everyone knows where they stand.
jdboston617
@seaguy: I get that. But it’s not a real story. So there is nothing to suggest.
GayEGO
He should ask his daughter why she feels this way, maybe she is homophobic and needs help.