SENIOR QUOTE

Teenage Ted Cruz Was All About Butt Sweat And World Domination, In That Order

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Things we had in common with 18-year-old Ted Cruz when we were that age: joking about unwanted body sweat. Actually, we still do that, and it’s still just as funny.

Things we didn’t have in common with 18-year-old Ted Cruz: goals of world domination.

No, those came later, much later. [cue maniacal laughter]

Related: Here’s The Incredibly Awkward Raw Footage Ted Cruz Doesn’t Want You To See

Either way, it’s a bit off-putting to see the boy who would eventually say, “I call upon every Believer, every Constitutionalist, every lover of liberty to stand with Kim Davis. Stop the persecution now,” profess his hopes and dreams of world conquest, joking or not.

Even more shocking is the part where we actually agree with something Ted’s father Rafael says. We never, ever thought that could be possible.

Related: Turns Out Ted Cruz’s Father Rafael Is Just As Obsessed With Gay Sex As His Son

When asked if he thinks Ted is “going to rule the world one day,” Rafael responds “I hope not.”

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21 Comments

  • Alexander R. Rodriguez

    What’s hilarious is you all thinking he’s seriousL. Cause I’m sure we were all mature at 18

  • Alexander R. Rodriguez

    “This is outrageous!” – supporters of rich, powerful man aspiring to world domination in 2008 and 2012……….

  • Tobi

    He inherited his mother’s brain and his father’s looks.

  • PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS

    asdf jklo

  • PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS

    USE A SEARCH ENGINE AND ENTER “TED CRUZ APPEARS WITH KEVIN SWANSON” TO SEE JUST HOW DANGEROUS THIS VILE NOXIOUS SMCUBAG CRUZ IS………..

    And then spread the word around as much as you can, for some reason Cruz’s appearance at this disgusting event recieved very little publicity………

  • Sansacro

    @Alexander R. Rodriguez: Well, so glad he matured!!! Seems like a frat douche to me. World domination is a pretty specific and unappealing ambition. Sorry, but being American prez, does not world domination make.

  • Hermes

    @Alexander R. Rodriguez: I’m sorry – The things that I wanted to see when I was 18 I still want to see. The views I held, I hold — that is much more common than you think. In fact, the best predictors we have of what a person will believe in at 50 is what he believes in when s/he enters college.

    I did not know about this video – although I know more than enough to oppose Cruz because I actually understand his particular brand of Christianity – and I know the theology of the Seven Mountains Movement (which anointed him as a sacred king at a gathering in Iowa). This simply adds more evidence of the same tendencies – and it actually is disturbing.

    Regards.

  • tzwicky

    Cruz is the most creepy far-right politician out there at the moment. I don’t care what he thought or said at age 18. I care what he says and does now. How creepy is Ted? I think he is the NEW Santorum. Perhaps someone with talent can sandbag his name, too.

  • corey

    Didn’t daddy Cruz say he believed the god he worships picked Teddy to do just that: rule the world? I’ll have to dig through email folder….

  • Hero Hu

    Ewww

  • 1EqualityUSA

    You don’t have the body to wear 501 jeans. Dominate that, Snausage.

  • joeyty

    @Hermes: But you’re the one who claims to have so many gay-chummy Muslim friends in NYC.

  • joeyty

    @Keebler ILF: LOL. Remember that ?

  • JessPH

    So he is a douchebag way back then too.

  • Sluggo2007

    OMG! He was a dog even way back then. Somebody get the milkbones!

Comments are closed.