Terrible Advice On Turning Your Lesbian Daughter Straight

I have never heard of The Ladies Monthly, but I have to assume it’s a parody site, sort of like ChristWire.org? After all, they’re recommending American women show solidarity with our troops in the Middle East by wearing hijab swimsuits in red, white, and blue colors. And then there’s that whole piece on why readers should support bestiality, because after all, “Ladies’ Monthly Research Lab has found that even today as we live in big cities, 53,8% of the American population regularly engages in naughty play with beasts big and small,” which isn’t true. (It’s closer to 52.5%.) So when I got through “Setting Your Gay Daughter Straight,” I didn’t react like the 50+ commenters calling its author a “horrible person” for recommending parents retrain their gay daughters to be straight by “remind[ing] your daughter of the moral atrocity she is committing, as well as the ramifications of her decisions to her God.” I mean, this is a straight up LOL, right?

At least I hope it is:

Our last, but most effective strategy. The Bait and Switch should be your last resort. However, it is a very powerful tool, and you are not likely to be disappointed. Wait until an important event, like Homecoming or Prom. Knowing your daughter, she won’t have a date, so it’s your job to set her up with a nice boy. Since at this late stage she will surely refuse, you’ll need to outwit her. Set her up with an attractive young lady. She’ll see your actions as a motion of respect and acceptance of who she is, and she will most surely agree. What she won’t know is that her elegant suitor is actually a transvestite. He will use his skills to seduce her as a woman, maybe even making her fall in love. After the dresses come off, she’ll be given the surprise of a lifetime, a night she will not soon forget.