And it had seemed like such a sure thing.
So that widely publicized protest — which would’ve involved “5,000 totally naked protestors” ambushing Obama’s arrival in Kenya — ultimately didn’t happen after all.
Related: New Movements in Uganda and Kenya Prove Anti-Gay Laws Are Never Dead in Africa
The initial plan was hatched by Kenya’s floridly homophobic Deputy President, William Ruto, and would have involved countless arduous man-sheaths flapping insistently in the wind, tendrils of perspiration teasingly winding down innumerable V-shaped backs, slipping coyly into the crevices of myriad pert, muscular buttocks, clasping in anticipation of the President’s imminent entry into the wide open plains of their country…
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You see, mastermind Ruto condemned Obama’s “aggressive support” for gay rights, and thought this fleshy fantasia was the perfect way to let the President “see and understand the difference between a man and a woman.” It was to be an anatomy lesson of sorts: The thousands of bouncing, boundless breasts; those bobbing globes of flesh that look sculpted of whipped apple-butter, crested with honeydew, smashing and mashing against each other as excitement mounted and the horses whinnied as one; that sweet musk rising imperceptibly from the nubile, molten bodies; the coiling wisps of pubic hair; those hulking, muscular frames; pink and fertile folds achingly wrapped around jutting man-scabbards; powerful locomotive physiques — male and female and everything in-between — fusing in an intoxication orgy of flesh and fetish.
Related: Kenyan Leader Tasked With Uncovering Why Antigay Laws Aren’t Enforced
But alas, the Kenyan newspaper The Star reported it was not to be. Republican Liberty Party leader Vincent Kidala told the paper the protest was postponed and that he “was forced to cancel it in a 2 a.m. phone call.”
Which is unfortunate, as Kidada had been expecting “1,000 women and 4,000 men” to attend, and had been longing to preside over the cavalcade of meaty cheeks and twitching members; the miles of wickedly smooth skin rumpled over with gooseflesh as man-tusks jabbed and jolted, squirming, bucking and thrashing against a thousand hungry, hoary man-chutes.
But no. Apparently the national security committee strongly cautioned against the protest, saying it was akin to “a terror attack;” a terror attack replete with staunchly feminine gazes burning paths of warmth between breasts and stomachs, nipples waiting to be nibbled and sucked; fingertips, lips, hips, tongues going taut as hands continued to caress, though none of the girls knew whose body they touched, whether male or female, didn’t know, didn’t care; all they knew was this hunger, this insatiable hunger…
Kieran
There can be only one reason for the President of the United States visiting this homophobic sh!thole. To condemn loudly and unequivocably homophobia. Let’s hope President Obama doesn’t miss the opportunity.
Ladbrook
Well this really is an unfortunate turn of events. I was hoping to use one of the better crowd scene photos as the new background on my laptop. Damn.
aliengod
Believe me, our buffoon of a President isn’t visiting this shithole to “condemn loudly and enequivocably homophobia”. He’s going back to his roots, visiting his father’s homeland. That, and speaking to the Global Entrepreneurship Summit. Follow the money, that’s where he’ll be.
James
The kenyan deputy minister is obviously into exhibitionism and drooling over naked people. Sure signs of an extremely self hating closet case.
Glücklich
** DAFUQ ??!!**
I thought Dame Barbara Cartland died *ages* ago!
Realitycheck
@aliengod: He did spick against homophobia in Jamaica, and met with local members of the community, I see no reason why he should not do the same here.
Realitycheck
speak not spick….. effing auto correction thingy
Giancarlo85
@aliengod: You’re the buffoon. That’s the same thing with all you right wingers. Every article on Obama and you are here… spouting off your bullshit about how much you hate the President. Want buffoons? LOOK AT THE FUCKING PARTY YOU VOTE FOR.
Giancarlo85
@Realitycheck: Alienturd is incapable of reason and logic. He’ll attack the President anyway he can like a good republican right wing drone.
aliengod
@Giancarlo85: Are you capable of an original, coherent thought? You’re so predictable. I’m not a party line voter. I vote for the best candidate, not party. I know that’s difficult for sheep like yourself. Now go back to picking out what color nail polish matches tomorrow’s outfit. You’re wasting valuable time.
Giancarlo85
@aliengod: Again… attack the President anyway you can because you were told to do so by your parents and the TV shows you watch. You are not capable of original thoughts.
You clearly don’t vote for the best candidate. You are the real sheep and you are incapable of looking at various policies.
I’m so sick of demented right wingers like you saying stupid shit like “I vote for the ‘best’ candidate” blah blah blah… bullshit!
aliengod
@Giancarlo85: You’re like a parrot. Just keep repeating what’s been said to you. Do you have any other ignorant assumptions under your wig?
How would you know who I vote for? I just told you I vote for who I feel is the best candidate, regardless of party. That’s more than you can say. Clearly you vote Democrat regardless of the candidate or their stance on any number of issues. Ironic that a minority would so blindly follow the party that fought to keep slavery and segregation.
Again, you’re a McCarthyist. You see Republicans hiding everywhere. Your paranoia has overcome you. Find a good therapist in your area. I’m sure Obamacare will cover the expense.
You got one thing right, you are sick.
Giancarlo85
@aliengod: The real parrot is YOU. You are mentally ill and demented. I called you a parrot in the past and now you call me that? Goodness man, get some original thoughts and stop it with the “I know you are, but what am I” mentality. You sound like you’re 12 years old.
You vote for whoever is right wing or republican. That’s just how your brain works. I vote democrat because 100% of the time they are better than republicans. I have never seen a republican that was good ever. And the last republican that was good was perhaps Eisenhower or Teddy Roosevelt.
You’re the real blind idiot here. By the way, clown boy… the democrats switched in the 1960s. All the Dixiecrats went to the republican party. That’s how it is. Look at all the states that had slavery and segregation… mostly republican states these days. You are a revisionist and you are extremely disgusting. You have nothing to your argument and you are thickheaded and mentally sick. You need Obamacare to help cover your medication.
Giancarlo85
And it’s funny you call me a McCarthyist when you act like one yourself simply based on your demented political views. Grow up please!
aliengod
@Giancarlo85: You’re impossible. It’s like having an argument with a three year old. Literally everything that’s said, you repeat and try to make it your own. Talk about revisionist! Now please!… go back to painting your nails and matching your panties to your undershirt. Morning will be here before you know it. Leave these discussions to the adults.
Giancarlo85
@aliengod: You repeat what I said to you in the past. YOU DON’T EVEN POST YOUR OWN ORIGINAL THOUGHTS. You just REPEATED what I said again. I called you a revisionist, now you bounce it back to me! LOL at painting my nails and wearing panties. Bit misgynoist aren’t we?
You ARE NOT AN ADULT. You’re not even over 18. Are you even able to vote?
Giancarlo85
I get it… you vote for who you think is the “best candidate”… when in reality, your belief system leads to shit choices.