The A-List: Dallas Recap: “You Gave Him A Mimosa Facial”

During his comically awkward date with Mohammed, Taylor is so snide and casually racist that I am now virtually convinced he comes from the same improv group that hatched Herman Cain. “I thought you were Mexican,” he quips, adding that he ultimately realized Mohammed’s name is “Buddhist or Islam, whatever.”

Come on, that’s hilarious!

The hunky, good-natured Mohammed somehow takes it all in stride. He flirts with Taylor and invites him as his date to the dual birthday parties that he and Chase are throwing for each other. Taylor’s thirst for revenge is so obvious he might as well be twirling a mustache. But it either goes right over Mohammed’s head or else he’s been instructed by the producers to play along.

Meanwhile, Ashley is still trying to save James’ soul. She drags him to church and the scene is introduced with organ music. Of course the scene is introduced with organ music.

She and James sit down with the kindly Reverend Jo and listen as James gives his practiced spiel about how a life of laying around the pool and burning up his trust fund and draining the hooch from the local watering holes is so, like, y’know, whatever. Ashley flatly tells him he’s losing it; James squirms and deflects blame. Reverend Jo imparts wise counsel and they pray. Ashley is pleased but James makes it clear, in a confessional interview, that he was only humoring her and the good reverend.

Oh, this will not end well…

The group converges on a local nightclub for Chase and Mohammed’s dual birthday shindigs. The place is packed to the rafters for once; it’s clear James was not the party promoter this time around. Chase and Levi, who is already hammered, flirt and kiss and kvetch about—who else?—Taylor the Terrible. Mohammed appears and reveals that Taylor stood him up as his date. Everyone commiserates and for good measure throws in a round of eye-rolling about James and his perpetual state of victimhood.