Way on the other end of the spectrum, a snippet of Ashley’s wackadoo photo shoot from last week’s episode was selected for a bit of mockery as the “Clip of the Week” on E!’s The Soup with Joel McHale.
Episode eight of ALD is essentially a placeholder for two storylines running parallel: the first involves Ashley’s well-intentioned but ultimately futile attempts to nudge insecure partyboy and burgeoning alcoholic James towards a healthier lifestyle. The second storyline details the continued entanglement of Chase and Taylor the Terrible, the show’s ostensible villain, as they spar and snap their teeth at each other over the affections of Levi, whose cowboy pheromones are puzzlingly addictive. No real progress is made on either storyline but the internecine warfare is amusing.
The episode opens with Ashley luring Levi on a shopping trip to pick up a pair of cowboy boots, preferably in pink. (It is The A-List: Dallas, after all. Gotta stick to the stereotype.) The shopping was just a pretense to confront the laconic horndog for lying to her about cheating on Taylor with Chase. He shrugs it off, ever conflict-avoidant, and advises her to mind her own business. Levi, that’s not how this process works. You’ve forgotten that you are on a reality-TV show. Levi has been on the receiving end of quite a few of these types of conversations in his life and he just doesn’t care enough to change his behavior. No one else in his orbit seems to notice; perhaps it’s the pheromones.
You have to give Ashley credit for not letting her friends off the hook when they behave badly. Her outmoded notions of what it means to be a gay male can be infuriating, and her ostentatious displays of praise for Jeebus are often annoying. But she clearly does not forgive and forget. She can tell Levi does not take her concerns seriously but gives him another chance anyway. Dare I say it: she turns the other cheek.
Ashley’s permissiveness may have been due to the fact that she wants him to help her babysit James out on the dude ranch for an afternoon to introduce him to sunshine and fresh air rather than the stale fumes of a nightclub at the 2:00 a.m. sidewalk sale. He agrees but the attempt has no discernible effect. James shows no apparent appreciation that his friends are looking out for him and boasts in a confessional interview that he’s brought along his flask. He also pokes mean-spirited fun at Ashley, James and cohort Brayden, who is a scream and whose flouncing affectations enliven each episode for a moment or two.
Afterwards, Ashley “volun-tells” the boys—a combination of “telling” them they have been “volunteered” for something, which is kind of clever—that they will be required to participate in a bachelor auction to raise needed funds for a new charity called Compassion 54 that assists with HIV/AIDS outreach in Africa. Levi rolls with it; James rolls his eyes. While Levi offers to take a buyer for an afternoon of riding—presumably he meant horses, but with Levi you never know¬—James notes the only skill he has is getting hammered. No one disagrees.
Ashley meets with the four guys who founded Compassion 54. They’re all handsome and easygoing and also a bit taken aback, it appears, by Ashley’s passive-aggressive charms as well as the cameras accompanying her. The nonprofit is operating on a shoestring budget and doesn’t have the resources to stage Ashley’s elaborate bachelor auction. They suggest something more manageable, like speed dating. To her credit, Ashley doesn’t whine and enthusiastically backs the idea. It should be easy to shoehorn her gay posse and all of their pals and cohorts into attending, right? Wrong.
The speed-dating event arrives and the Compassion 54 guys are crushed when virtually no one attends. Phillip and Levi are nowhere to be found. Chase has brought along a few acquaintances, but when a frustrated Ashley asks about the whereabouts of his boyfriend-lover-whatever, Chase is defensive and pissy with her.
Elsewhere, James is already pounding down the hooch. Taylor the Terrible is also present, twirling his imaginary mustache and plotting revenge. His every appearance should be accompanied by some kind of telenovela melodramatic flourish on the soundtrack. He and James and Chase sulk and whine—a bored Chase also makes out with another hunky speed-dater—and lob passive-aggressive insults at each other.
Earlier, Taylor had met for lunch with a group of Log Cabin Republicans. In a confessional interview, he notes that he is not aligned with the group on a number of issues but that he intends to cultivate the business they might throw his way. Probably shouldn’t mention that on television, buddy.
Two of the Log Cabin guys are a longtime couple. Nobody mentions the irony of devotion to a political party whose leading lights and other top officials denigrate and disrespect them, and who actively work to prevent legal recognition of their relationship. Another guy asks if Taylor attends the local gay church. Of course he doesn’t! “Leave it to the gay church to have a laser show for Easter,” he says with a sneer. He also hauls out his infamous “plantation” quote and they raise a glass to being conservative gay men.
The remainder of the episode, if anyone is left watching after that scene, deals with Phillip engaging in his usual shit-stirring antics and rustling feathers with Levi and Chase. Levi has absolutely no interest in a romantic relationship and he says so; he also doesn’t appreciate Phillip’s meddling. Chase, for his part, does a bad job of pretending he doesn’t care about Levi’s horndogging and laconic attitude towards whatever they’ve got going on. Phillip picks up on this sore spot right away and continually pokes at it with a sharp stick.
Levi is also preoccupied with other things. He broke his back seven years ago when he was a high school senior, which put a stop to his participation on the gay rodeo circuit. When he recalls his memories roping steer and riding horses, his love for the sport is obvious. He meets with a member of the International Gay Rodeo Association, who wisely suggests Levi not risk his health. The guy suggests “goat dressing,” which involves wrestling a goat into submission and jamming the poor creature into a pair of underwear.
Levi considers the promotion might be good for his Inchwear line of underwear and swimsuits. He meets with a prospective investor who asks that Levi move from Dallas to Ft. Lauderdale, where Inchwear is based. The investor also flirts with Levi and it’s interesting to observe that Levi doesn’t quite know how to respond when there is another alpha male in the room.
He sets up an appointment with a straight-talking (and handsome) doctor and submits to X-rays, which show that he is developing a bone spur, among other complications. As there is no way to guarantee that Levi won’t be thrown from a horse or suffer another traumatic injury, it seems obvious his days as a competitive rodeo cowboy are over.
Next week: Taylor makes another move for Levi! Chase cries! James probably gets drunk again! Git ‘er done!
JC Adams is a Los Angeles-based writer, filmmaker and blogger of moderate renown. His first book, Gay Porn Heroes (Bruno Gmunder), was published in September. Find him on Twitter @GPTimes.
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TxBorn
Has anyone else noticed Levi’s “Parkinson’s like” body & facial movements?
Juan
Have to admit, this was a boring episode. Pat yourself on the back for struggling out the re-cap. But, if you didn’t recap, I would have been so disappointed. You wit is fab.
Heard Levi’s bar fight was not due to ALD haters, but Levi haters. They didn’t like his arrogance.
So sick of Chase, he’s getting fugglier by the scene. His snarling, Taylor-hating is just getting soooooo boring. Man is he jealous of that little twink. In the preview, it looked like Levi was going to kiss Taylor… and why would Taylor want someone that stated many times and ways how he hated him? Of course, we all saw through that, but still – run, Taylor, run! Find another, better storyline and a cowboy with a brain and heart. Chase and Levi deserve each other, leave them to it, that would be the most victorious or revenges.
Damn this story it’s addicting, as are your recaps.
Casper
I’ve been reading these since Queerty started re-capping A-List. Gotta say, I feel like Chase is the real villain of the show. Preachy, Witchy and just Gross. He needs to back off from those v-necks and those tacky hair styles.
Haven’t seen this episode yet ’cause logotv takes it’s time online. But looking forward to it.
Why is everyone into Levi? He’s chubby and a drunk. And James reminds me of an ex-boyfriend- that guy needs to man up and grow up. I hope these men realize their the main attraction at the zoo, not some interesting ground-breaking tv personality.
Ashley and Taylor – they’re the only normal ones!!
lovesagr8smile
@TxBorn: I am glad someone else has noticed and said something- I thought I was going crazy. I didnt recognize it as parkisons like, but it certainly is very noticeable, And I know that most take great sport in hating on Levi and everyone else, but I thought it was really sad when he found out his issues with his back I find the dallas show more entertaining than new york
lovesagr8smile
While I am at it- my pet peeve with the show is their use of the word “like” I feel like taking a shot everytime one of them uses it, but I would be tanked 6 minutes into the show
timncguy
@Casper: @Casper: Oh my Casper. Ashley and Taylor are the :normal” ones???? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL No way. All Ashley does is run around sticking her nose in other people’s business. And Taylor, gay republican!!!! Nothing normal about that…..
shannon
LEVI….is ——————–DISGUSTING————WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THAT SHOW??????? WHY DO THEY LIKE HIM? SPASTIC…ACNE FACED….FAT….NO ASS….CROSS EYED….CROOKED NOSE……DRUNK…..SWEATY….CROOKED TEEF…..YUCK!!
MKe
I have no interest in ever watching this show with all the bizarre in-fighting they’ve brought to the gay community. No thanks.
andy
Taylor should enjoy the attention while he has it. He’s a cute puppy but he’s going to grow up to be an ugly dog.
Matt
I really can’t stand James’ facial expressions and mannerisms. Just the way he presents and talks is so…just…annoying!
Brian Wells
should read:
“The speed-dating event arrives[insert comma] and the Compassion 54 guys are crushed when virtually no one attends.”