It’s that time again for the self-inflicted puncture wound that is our weekly blogging of The A-List: New York. We’ve already covered episodes one, two, and three, but no worries if you’re a newcomer! With our handy character guide and one-sentence synopsis, we’ll help you hate yourself in no time!
CHARACTER GUIDE
AUSTIN = Obese slut. AKA. “The Upper West Slide”… pretty dirty but everyone’s had a ride.
DEREK = Gossipy waif. Instigates and ends conversations with “So, anyways…”
REICHEN = Hungry bottom. Trying to make love work… with someone other than his boyfriend.
RODINEY = Heartbroken Latino. Subtitles will help you understand his crazy moon speak.
RYAN = Botox addict. So white you can almost see through him.
MIKE = Invisible grandma. You’ll barely miss her.
ONE SENTENCE SUMMARY: Austin wants Reichen’s ass, but Reichen’s dating Rodiney; and it all upsets Derek for some reason, probably because he will die alone.
And for long-time Queerty/A-List live-bloggerettes, here’s a pre-show point to previous reader criticism: Not since Queer Eye For The Straight Guy has a group of gay man-pals caroused together on TV. And though The A-List’s crap contains some golden kernels of truth about how catty fagz be actin’, it’s still rife with tired stereotypes that deserve mockery. Don’t feel too bad though — it’s not like the A-Listers don’t know how ridiculous they look and besides, anyone who behaves like these bitches do in “reality” deserves a little shade thrown their way lest they get pimp-slapped. Word? Word.
NOTE: NYC party promoters Austin Helms and Robert Maril (aka DJ Executive Realness), known collectively as 21st Century Life, join Queerty contributor Daniel Villarreal in live-blogging this soulless commercial fuppet show.
9:57 p.m. EDT: The beers are poured (we think we’re going to need it). Let’s DO THIS.
10:00 p.m. EDT: OK, here’s the recap. Austin is a “model.” Ryan decides to “help him.” Derek makes out with an “uber-hot guy.” Reichen needs someone who can protect him.
10:02 p.m. EDT: Derek hires as his assistant his friend Gina, who he calls “Gyna” because–ICKY–she has a vagina! He does not want his party to turn into a “nasty” gay pride party. He decides not to invite Austin to his super-classy, non-nasty pride party.
10:04 p.m. EDT: An appearance of Mike Ruiz this early in the show bodes well for the episode. Please, please bring us some sort of normalcy, Grandma Ruiz. I wonder if any of the producers alerted Mr. Ruiz that he shouldn’t show quite so many real emotions. This is reality t.v., after all.
10:06 p.m. EDT: The boys decide to talk about relationships in an absurdly expensive spa. You know, where you usually go to talk about serious things. Reichen opens up to…his masseuse. Apparently it’s totally possible to have serious relationship talks while wearing a mud mask. Rodiney, fortunately, is still being closed captioned. Wait, is that a tribal tattoo on Reichen’s foot?
10:09 p.m. EDT: PHEW, we’ve made it to the first commercial break. Once again, Julia Stiles meets her fake gay lover (herself) at a bar and acts snotty. Next up is a Burger King commercial? THAT, Logo, is not on the A-List diet!
10:14 p.m. EDT: Ryan moves forward with his plan to “help” Austin, who is wearing the same 2xist tankini he wore during his “lifting” session with Reichen last week. SNAP, girl. During the meeting, Ryan continues trying to move his face. Austin awkwardly “models” some clothing. He’s done this before, right? I’ve seen wedding photos that looked more natural.
10:15 p.m. EDT: Derek meets Roberto, the 38-year-old grandpapa he drunkenly made out with at Amanda Lepore’s Big Top at Carnival. A minute and a half into the date, Derek decides that he can’t wait to see Roberto again because he is so, so attractive (he is). THAT, sir, is what a successful marriage is based on. Oops, he shills clothing for a living at Barney’s (sound of record scratching).
10:17 p.m. EDT: Rodiney and Reichen have a relationship fight while cooking breakfast…in their man panties. Reichen breaks the shocking/earth-shattering news that things aren’t so rosy off-off-off-Broadway. He informs Rodiney that it’s really his job, three months into the relationship, to help support them.
10:20 p.m. EDT: We’ve realized that we look forward to the commercials, because being sold things is somehow more genuine than anyone on The A-List. Wait, a BEDBUG commercial? Again: NOT A-LIST, folks.
10:22 p.m. EDT: Beer. NEED MORE BEER.
10:24 p.m. EDT: The boys visit NYC gay pride. Suddenly we realize that Carl Paladino kind of had a point. Vote Paladino 2010!
10:26 p.m. EDT: Mike’s dad lives in Albuquerque. Seriously, I love this man more every episode. He forces his father to talk about his mother’s death on-camera, and it’s obvious that his father would rather be taking a shit in front of people. Side-note: Mike, always do that sexy gelled-back hair thing. Werque werk oeurques.
10:28 p.m. EDT: OK, this is seriously Austin’s only shirt. T.J. tells Austin that he “has a beautiful body,” after calling him morbidly obese to the cameras for the last two weeks. Ryan continues to try to put a timeline on Austin and Reichen’s “relationship.” Good luck with that one, girlfriend, we’re sitting here with Venn diagrams and can’t figure it out. Austin uses the photo shoot to take pictures for his upcoming spread in Inches.
10:36 p.m. EDT: Austin treats his boyfriance to a fancy dinner, using all of that money he earned doing…ahem…uh…Inches. He imagines putting PJ’s on to watch a movie with Ryan in Ryan’s glittering mansion in the sky. Totally gonna happen, Austin, call me! STOP EVERYTHING, Austin gives his fiancner a wedding band (YELLOW GOLD, again SO NOT A-LIST) to replace the one he already “lost.”
10:38 p.m. EDT: Rodiney and Reichen head to couples’ therapy, three months into their relationship. Since the counselor doesn’t have the benefit of subtitles, he clearly has no idea what Rodiney is talking about. “Yes, Rodiney, you’re right. I do love the musical Annie!” Also, we suspect that this “counselor” is really an intern from Logo.
10:42 p.m. EDT: Commercial for new Logo show, One Girl Five Gays. Fun fact: we’re friends with one of the guys on that show. A-List!
10:45 p.m. EDT: Was that straight people kissing!? Straight, OLD people kissing!?
10:46 p.m. EDT: Ryan and T.J. visit Derek because they “of course want to see what he’s wearing.” The answer: shiny things. Ryan ridicules T.J. because he has nipple hair. He then asks Derek “Do you want to know the straw that broke my back?” I think that might not be the saying. Maybe. In addition, Ryan is wearing the “Love Muscle” shirt that Mike was wearing in a recent episode. LOVE TRIANGLE.
10:49 p.m. EDT: The entire cast of the A-List is invited to Derek’s non-nasty pride party except for Austin, but he shows up anyway. It will mean so much to Derek if Grandpapa Roberto comes. Thank GOD Derek spray-tanned, because he is really “popping.” We’ve decided that every time we throw a party in our apartments we’re going to hang a sponsor banner for the paparazzi.
10:52 p.m. EDT: Ryan is so mad at Austin for missing an appointment he helped set up that he’s “about to explode.” If he did explode, our guess is that the set would be showered with glitter, botox, and Stoli.
10:56 p.m. EDT: Austin tells Ryan some story about a fist fight in Times Sqaure. Did we miss something? T.J. bitches the hell out of Ryan for missing whatever the fuck meeting he missed, doing what gays do: pretending he’s actually involved.
10:57 p.m. EDT: SADSIES, Derek’s future husbear, Grandpapa Roberto, didn’t come to his non-nasty Stoli-sponsored pride party. Luckily, Derek is still totally popping.
Well, that’s it, folks. Next week’s teaser promises that there will be so many bleeps that we won’t have any idea what’s going on, all of which will take place in a part of Fire Island we will never, ever be invited to.
Beer. We need more beer.
Rob
These summaries almost make me want to watch the show.
Jeff
Thnaks for the summaries so i don;t have to watch the show. My eyesight is very important to me.
Jeffree
Your summaries are much more entertaining than the show! Thanks for keeping us amused. (And yeah, I know that gratitude is SOOO not A-List).
p.s. Get MORE beer next week:…
scott ny'er
OK. This was the funniest line of the live blog…”Since the counselor doesn’t have the benefit of subtitles, he clearly has no idea what Rodiney is talking about.”
Seriously, Rodiney’s accent is NOT that strong.
And dayumn. They had TWO hot latinos on. Rodiney and Roberto. Roberto can do so much better than Derek. Roberto oozed sex appeal.
Derek’s big head on that teeny body looks so weird. I can’t STAND him.
Vman455
This show sounds like a train wreck in slow motion, but I have to say: the writing here is the best on Queerty, so I will continue to read these synopses, if for no other reason than that.
Ted B. (Charging Rhino)
Who ARE these people????
Shallow, spoiled twinks with no real jobs or careers…certainly NOT A-List material…just cliche’d stereotypes. Hairdressers, wannabe actors, models and media lesser-light….yeetch.
One or two seasons of this will set gay rights back a decade with Middle America.
TeesonNYC
Your summaries are much more entertaining than the show. however, the show is such a train wreck that I can’t not watch the silly thing.
Note: switch to gin it makes the show that much more watchable.
myrios123
I love the re-craps of this show. Keep them coming!
Jeff
Does LOGO have any idea how much this sho is dispised and how embaressed the LGBT Community is about it?
Not only are they vapid, ridiculous queens. The sho is obviousley statged and sections are re-shot over and over. And every restaurant in Manhattan must be close to going bankrupt since there are never any custoimers in them. Either that or the sight of these queens coming sends the customers running.
I am glad that Grandpapa Roberto dodged the bullet and left DayGlo Cheeto Derek hanging at his party though. Grandpapa Roberto is too cute. I myself am going on a shopping expedition today at Barneys!
Cam
Austin actually must have magic hooker healing powers, he claimed when they missed that meeting that he had two black eyes as an excuse. Pretty incredible that there wasn’t a sign of them at the party.
As for him being a hooker.
1. Dated MArc Jacobs
2. No sign of income
3. Livedn in England for nearly a year without a work permit so couldn’t have had a legit job
4. Dated Marc Jacobs
scott ny'er
@Jeff: LOL. I never even thought about going to Barneys to stalk. NICE!!!
@Cam: I thought the disappearing black eye/lip was a neat trick as well.
I can’t stand TJ as well. WHY was he getting involved again? And while I think there is something fishy with Austin, sheesh, they did make it a HUGE drama over a missed appointment. Austin was right in that it’s not like he killed someone.
I felt so bad for Rodiney as he seemed so upset because he wasn’t getting his needs met. I need to go hug him and support him.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Dear Queerty: We don’t fcuking care about these shallow, vapid, silly, pathetic queens who actually think that others give even half a shit about their empty lives. I attempted to watch the first episode, yet couldn’t get past the first 15 minutes when they all began vomiting words about how oh so very important they are (in their own scary minds) Each and every one of them are going to be the pitifull old queen you see at the end of the local watering hole attempting to pick up the latest twink to stroll thru the doors……..*Ugggh*……….
JoeyO'H
I am on the fence about this show. I feel it sends a message that gays are dishy queens and clyare only about their bodies, hair, status. Basically, it shows that these A-List gays (I don’t feel they are really) care only about themselves.
I do like Ryan, however, I feel he’s genuine, at least that’s how he is portayed in the show. TJ is a riot. I think he’s very funny. Derek is so hung up on Austin, who drinks too much and makes himself out to be a bigger than life person than who he really is= a fame whore with nothing to show or offer.
Reichen and Rodiney are a train wreck waiting to happen. I am floored that Reichen is making such a deal over being the bread winner. My partner and I- whatever both of us brin into the relationship financially, it’s ours, not his, not mine, ours.
Reichen, as it appears on the show, is somewhat of a player. He would be better off single, as it seems that’s where he wants to be and headed. He’s resentful that he is the one earning the $$$ in the relationship, and that’s not a good thing if he’s trying to build a relationship with Rodiney.
Mike Ruiz, the most normal being on the show offered a heartwarming moment between he and his father. We’re not seeing enough of him!!
Personally, I could only see myself being friendly with Mike and Derek (in real life). The rest of the gang are the kid of guys are like to stay away from. I like “real” people, not a group of guys who are concerned with status and look.
And what is it with these guys and they’re quest to be hairless? The shame of nipple hair? And looking like a 13 year old boy is attractive? These guys should get a grip!!
Jeff
The A-List New York makes me miss “The Decorating Adventures of Ambrose Pierce”
At least he was cute and while its not saying much butcher than the bitches on the “A-list”
Jay
Rodiney is adorable, beautiful and the tragedienne in this hideous comedy of queens. Reichen the worst – an untalented hack, bad at even self-promotion. I guess he thinks that being semi-well-known makes him the belle of the ball. He’s just pathetic. The rest are all cartoon characters (except Mike who apparently has his own separate show within this show), so what they do is akin to watching the road runner mess around with the coyote.
George
You lost me at 1000pm
Badly Drawn Boston Boy
Is it just me or is this show the reason why all GLBT teenagers are committing suicide?
amber
I LOVE A-LIST!!!!!!
Bob80
Where is the article???????????? It disapeared!!! Put it back please, it’s the only reason I come on this website.
Jeremy Ong
Rodiney has a little girl that is dying to come out of his hard macho shell, I mean seriously even if your boyfriend was the sluttiest in the world, you shouldn’t be whining and complaining like a teenage girl, be a man and do something about it.
And Reichen is truly the flirtiest and sluttiest of all, it’s alright if you are single, but he’s not, so don’t do the buffet spread anymore. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. It’s either this or that, unless you are into really unconventional relationships like open or threesomes, but then again it wasn’t that case. The thing is if you can’t commit, don’t.
No one can be shallower than Derek, seriously other people have more money but much less obsession about the A list and other glam stuff. If you really have everything, you wouldn’t care about anything, and almost everything you have makes you bored. If you are really hot, you don’t need confirmation, and if you get it, you don’t have to work for it. No one cares, not even the guys you date. Also he’s so fake, the only thing real about him is his sexuality. He’s so uptight, especially about his “reputation”, just lighten up man!
Austin seems like a really nice guy, just that he’s just too insensitive and oblivious to his surroundings, at times a tad too childish, but that’s lovable and irritating at the same time. Sometimes even if you dislike this person, just leave them alone or try not to agitate him. But he seems to be always in a situation not of his making but ends up in trouble unknowingly. He’s probably knows all about etiquette, but perhaps doesn’t give a damn.
For Ryan, he’s seems really genuine, sincere and maternal. So motherly that he’s just lacking the body and kids. If I have gay dads, I would want his husband and him to be mine, except that he like my mom maybe screaming at me all the time because I broke yet another Lladro vase, Baccarat glass or Meissen teapot.
T.J. is like the sideshow, the sidekick that hardly stands out.
me
tj looks like a sad version of charles pierce with out any of the talent.
Truly, these “men” are pathetic, shallow and awful. I’m glad they live in NYC…..maybe if they ride the subway to MAINE, a mugger will put them and us out of their misery.
ICK!
jckfmsincty
Who is Austin to talk about Reichen? Ausitn has already been outed on the show for have a baby dick.
Penny
To be gay/bi – with a tag team of at least 4+ cameras in your face when you are to have a serious moment, better yet, a breakdown that is over-the-wall. $$$ in these lucky picked faces without agents…yet? Someone leaving for Europe? – of course NOTTA – all the ACT – come on…this tv acted drama will go on and on and o………….
rrr
@Jeremy Ong:
But he seems to be always in a situation not of his making but ends up in trouble unknowingly.
Tell me you are kidding. Austin is always starting things and creating situations. He kept making comments about Reichen’s package and cocksucking until it inevitably got back to Reichen. The only reason it wasn’t a bigger incident during the filming was that Derek didn’t tell Reichen the comments were unflattering. He crashed the party of a guy he knew didn’t like him, then in the party told a ridiculous lie to a guy who’d been trying to help him out. He intentionally did things like getting naked to make other people uncomfortable. He chased after a guy who was taken and tried to break up the relationship. If Rodiney wasn’t such a sweet natured guy that would have turned things much uglier than it did. He disrupted meals with rude, inappropriate, frothing at the mouth hostile rants about Rodiney and Reichen’s relationships that resulted in wrecking everyone’s time. He pushed Rodiney until he threw a drink then used it as an excuse for violent assault.
Austin was a drunken, mean, attention whore asshole.
NYC SOCIALITE
I HOPE THEY DO NOT MAKE ANOTHER SEASON OF THIS SHOW!
UNFORTUNATELY, IT SHOWS GAY PEOPLE IN THE WORST POSSIBLE LIGHT.
IT GIVE THE RIGHT WING MORE POWER AGAINST US.
IT MAKES OUR COMMUNITY LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF VAIN, BITCHY, WHORES.
IT REALLY MAKES US LOOK PATHETIC.
I WORK HARD TO TRY TO GET GAY MARRIAGE PASSED IN NY.
THEN A SHOW LIKE THIS COMES ON TV AND SHOWS GAY PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT HAVING OPEN RELATIONSHIPS, 3 WAYS. BREAKING UP ALL THE TIME. IT MAKES US LOOK SO UNSTABLE.
IT REALLY SETS US BACK AS A COMMUNITY.
AlsoInNYC
NYC Socialite, that is what gay men in Manhattan basically are though. At least 90 percent of them. So the show does serve a purpose for younger gay dudes around the country. It warns them : Don’t move here!! Those are the only types you’ll have to hang out with.
pehnon
With all the bad PR about the A-List why does LOGO keep showing it? Don’t watch LOGO until the show is taken off the air.
Jon Waters should take the shows and turn them into a comedy spoof using drag queens in Baltimore for all the characters alla Devine in ‘Female Troubles’. That way the bitchiness would be funny but then there would still be no point to the story line.
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Keise Velour
A-LIST OF NEW YORK SEASON 2 PREMIER REVIEW: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cd4xZNK-Rc8&feature=channel_video_title
John10001
Rodiney has a profile on recon.com
His handle is FreshBi2011
http://www.recon.com/view_profile.aspx?id=1095550&source=MyVisitors.aspx
Carl
I like the show. I think they all are shallow but fun to watch. Any show with gay men is going to stir up plenty of drama. I am Team Austin. I like Austin and how he refuses to kiss ass. The rest of them play this game of kissing ass and being two faced. Austin speaks up and tells it like it is. I don’t like “nausea”. She is just so annoying and bitchy. I mean the girl bitches about everything. I mean come off of the oh Austin hit me crap. Stop using the same excuse over and over again to annoy him. He never did anything to you. You are just another angry black woman blaming anyone you can for your disgraceful attitude.
Mike
I honestly stopped watching this season because they introduced that nobody Nausea to the cast because she just does not represent any part of the Gay World. She is NO Madonna nor Lady Gaga that honestly support the Gay Community so how does she fit in to this show? She is crass, obnoxious and just plain nasty looking!!! She doesn’t even represent a black American woman because she’s not even American…
I truly want to know who this nasty thing slept with to become part of the cast? Why is it so important that we use non-Americans in these casts when there are plenty of Americans that need work? I am Latin but also feel the same way about Rodiney, I love his character but wish it was a real American.
The worst part of this show is that you have a bunch of hypocrites talking behind everyone’s back and then act as though they are the perfect friend. Please, to the entire cast, with Austin and Mike as the only exception, get a set of balls and say what you mean!!! You had enough balls to say it to someone else so why not say it to the person you are talking about!!!
Poor excuse of the Gay Community…
natalie
i really do believe that the show i good, and that ryan, t.j makes the show and that they shouldnt have the blk girl on there i think she tries too hard and plus she is very ugly too much face work and she believes she is nicki minaj FUGLY BITCH
Mo
I REALLY can’t understand why this chick Nyasha is on the show. My only guess would be that she is there to specifically infuriate the viewers with her perpetuation of the “faghag” stereotype. To this, I give a grade of “ingenious” to the producers. She sat there from the very beginning and started dividing everyone up and throughout the season effectively orchestrated turning just ordinary bitchy queens into a pack of wolves against Austin. That was her only mechanism from which to derive power within the group. And, the remaining “non-Austin” members of the group gladly gave gave that power to her by feeding her petty ego. An ego built through snarkiness and materialism. Is this what defines an “A” List?
Adrian
Mike is the only sane one on the television show!
Austin is trying to hard, he is very immature for his age probably because a lot of things were handed to him in the gay scene, its highly addicting you would think. He has way to much to criticize on others when there are 10 fingers pointing back at him.
Nyasha keeps talking about dereks reconciliation with her but from what I remember Austin attempted the same but I think from the get go she had her eyes set out for Austin its clear Austin wasn’t going after her. Born from a drag queen is correct and the theatrics to boot.
Ryan people were to nice to him he was deceiving to everyone, the smile and talking about everyone behind there back yup that’s two faced cookie, he definitely had a lot to say about Austins relationship but only once do you see his husband on the show in season . Lay your stuff on the line and let the world see and we shall see who nit picks and supports you.
Reichen is a slut with no game, he is pretty like tj says but is predictable and has no spice to him seeing as he dates immigrants and boy band background singing lance
rodiney needs to learn english before he begins to spread what he calls rumors or WOOmuhs as he would say. He is only a somebody because of reichen other then that just another broke diva coming up on new fame, until the other a list comes out.
derek I liked you but you follow the crowds and second season when Nyasha showed up the old derek returned too and watch the pedal stool your on because it can be kicked out and the forgiveness you held way up there not willing to show will crumble too
TJ honey you were fabulous don’t tangle yourself up with the drama you kept classy you stuck true to you throughout each season and brought a smile and life to the show
Phoebus16
Finally got a chance to watch all of season 2. Didn’t like Austin at all last year, but actually feel bad for him this year. Cannot stand Nyasha. She can’t let anyone finish a sentence, it’s all like Jerry Springer. Just picking everyone apart and acting like she’s a therapist, so aggressive and defensive. It really interrupted any real connections or any chance for the characters to communicate.