lols

The Definitive List Of What Makes You Gay (Or Not Gay) In The Military, Including a Britney Spears Reference

Playing George W. Bush’s human video game two years ago in Iraq, LA-based comedian Jay Michel, who graduated from the U.S. Naval Academy in 2006, pulled together a list of all the things that make you gay — or not gay — in wartime. No, this isn’t out of some officer’s code of conduct. It’s from living on a base with fellow soldiers who determine whether “you’re gay” or not. Surprisingly, calling yourself “Hector The Molester” and lying on top of people as they wake up does not make you gay. Nor does borrowing somebody’s underwear. Or showing off your asshole. My god, the armed forces has so many confusing rules I could never manage to master.

Get Queerty Daily

Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of #don'taskdon'ttell(dadt) #jaymichel #lols stories and more

7 Comments

  • Jay Michel

    Wow! Thanks for the shout-out.

    Hit me up on facebook /michel.jay
    or twitter @j_michel

    Would appreciate it!

  • Stanford

    No it just makes you sound like a nellie queen regrdless of orientation…

  • ganymeade

    Very funny Jay. Jocks are ridiculously homoerotic/homophobic too. They do stuff I couldn’t think of and think they are str8. It is ironic and funny.

  • Lawrence

    haha i loved this! well done man!

  • Adonis-of-Fire

    LOL, very cute and funny

  • WilliamG

    @Jay Michel: fuck this is funny. All of it just as true in the Australian defence force :)

  • Aaron in Honolulu

    Ah, wasn’t that funny :/

Comments are closed.