We weren’t really sure what we were in for when we logged on to MediaTakeOut’s website and clicked through to see which rock star has “JANK The Size Of a MICROPHONE!!” Lo and behold, there was, apparently, Travis Barker’s manaconda and naked torso in all its tatted glory. (Barker’s legal team has apparently just coerced MediaTakeOut into removing the very NSFW pics but we trust that with some slight digging you can find them on your own.)
While we don’t know how much “Blink” bandmates Mark Hoppus and Tom DeLonge involved him in the songwriting process, evidently “All The Small Things” and the “it doesn’t seem to matter that I’m lacking in the bulge” lyrics from “Josie” weren’t references to Barker’s own drum stick.
Since we can no longer actually check out the image, we decided to come up with a sampling of 23 other lyrics from Blink-182 songs that were evoked when we set eyes on Barker’s well-groomed weapon.
“I can’t go on sucking on my thumb” – Marlboro Man
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
“I never dreamed that I’d spend my days staring at some tube” – TV
“I would do anything and that’s what scares me so bad” – Strings
“My mind wander as I’m trying not to fall in love with you” – 21 Days
“My salamander has hygiene too” – My Pet Sally
“I’d much rather be riding prone” – Toast & Bananas
“There are only so many ways I can make love with my hand” – M+M’s
“He has fun fun fun and you might call him a whore, but just look where he’s at cuz he is the one that scores” – Touchdown Boy
“Her dad is big and I’ve never seen his face” – Voyeur
“Felt a twelve gauge next to my hum-diddy-dum” – Degenerate
“This world’s an ugly place, but you’re so beautiful to me” – Going Away to College
“I would like to find him Friday night, hanging out with mom and trying on his father’s tights” – Dysentery Gary
“I’ll take, one lift, your ride, best trip” – All The Small Things
“He took the seat off his own bike because the way it felt, he wants to bone, this I know” – Mutt
“It shines so bright it blinds me” – Online Songs
“I guess it’s only the men, who get fucked now and again” – Time To Break Up
“Did he hold you ‘till the sun did rise and did he look into your eyes and ask you to fellate him” – When You Fucked Grandpa
“Our breathing has got too loud (I’m feeling this), show me the bedroom floor (I’m feeling this), show me the bathroom mirror (I’m feeling this)” – Feeling This
“This is the first (thing I remember), now it’s the last (thing on my mind) – Stockholm Syndrome
“Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always, kiss you, taste you, all night, always” – Always
“She creeps up like a spider, and wants you deep inside her” – Snake Charmer
“I will go down as your lover, your friend, give me your lips and with one kiss we begin” – I’m Lost Without You
“When the night will begin, the pain it won’t end” – Even If She Falls
Images via muzicnerd & MediaTakeOut
Gareth
I like tattoos and will get a little more work done BUT not to that extent!!!! lol I dont care how big his dick is…..the all-over artwork’s a ‘no no’ personally for me.
Mike UK
I’m with you on the tattoos, less is more but each to there own!
Aaron
Man, people sure do know how to overestimate size. I saw em’. They weren’t terribly impressive. I mean, he’s bigger than average…. but definitely no monster. Probably 8″ even, but fairly fat (just under 6″ around, I’d wager). It helps he’s borderline anorexic.
QJ201
It’s thick, but it ain’t a bat
tazz602
It’s thick – and for str8 men, that’s what women like, according to my str8 friends and those late nite infomercials.
EdWoody
I have rarely found someone so completely unattractive.
Daez
I don’t care how big is dick is. One or two tattoos are sexy. Walking around like a walking billboard of really horrible ink just makes you look gross.
Lady Haha
It was the size of his balls that was impressive, not so much the dick.
Bryan
No matter how big his cock is, people who overdo tattoos are not attractive.
Elmwoodmac
Everyone and their grandma, yep the one with the little hummingbird tattoo on her shoulder, have tattoos. The rebels today are the one’s without any ink.
GreatGatsby2011
*shrug* Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that junk. Travis Barker has been my celebrity crush since I first saw him in concert back in high school. So for me, these pictures are a pleasant surprise (and were promptly downloaded). As long as the ink stays off his face, he’ll just get sexier in my eyes with each new tattoo. I’m not really sure why my libido draws the line there, but it does. Tatts on the face or piercings below the neck kill my mood faster than Maggie Gallagher in a bikini. But to each their own.
JoeyO'H
I agree, I don’t care how big his cock and balls are, too many tattoos just turn me off. Just not my thang.
bluechip244
I wasn’t really looking at the tattoos, and yes I was impressed, but not surprised. I don’t know what it is with the skinny rockers and the third leg, but it is a frequent phenomenon. Also, if you are stupid enough to take pictures of your dick and give or send them to someone, you have to know what is going to happen. Is Anyone up will be around for quite a while thanks to those dummies. (I am not complaining).
j
@Elmwoodmac: You don’t sound like a rebel, you just sound like you’re trying to put yourself above other people. Tattoos aren’t hot? You might wanna check your ego, it’s not gonna get you laid.
Guy who agrees with other guy
@j: Relax, J. He didn’t say “tattoos aren’t hot”; he said lots of people have them nowadays.
He might need to check his ego, but you definitely need to check your reading comprehension. (On the plus side, though, being an airhead rarely keeps people from getting laid. So have fun!)
lohen
Travis’s tatts are fairly well done. they are symmetrical and balanced an look good on his body.
i’d make him fill up the little space that’s left on his right shoulder and extend them down to his thighs.
also his eyebrows are sexy.
what im getting at is that would fuck him, and be grateful.