"Girls" Talk

The “Girls” Emotional Age Recap: “Only Child”

Well, the ladies are confronted with all sorts of problems this week: legal troubles with intellectual property, roommate squabbles, unemployment and confusion over who invented the electronic cigarette. With so many ups and downs, you’d think there’d be wild fluctuations in their maturity levels, right? So far, not so much. Though I suppose if they ever grew up, the show would need a new name.

s3e05 hannah

Emotional Age: Dead

This probably seems like an unfair assessment. Yes, she’s definitely in the danger zone, when you consider that her self-involvement was so overpowering that it got her kicked out of a funeral. But she deserves some points for selling a book, even if it turns out that she wasn’t contractually allowed to do so! And kicking Caroline out was half a good idea, even if it was timed and executed with an exceptional absence of skill and tact. But the simple truth is that anyone who answers the phone with a variant of “I can’t talk right now” is dead to me.

s3e05 marnie

Emotional Age: pre-natal

I suppose it’s good that Marnie is trying to grow, but honestly, she has nowhere to go but up. Her actions this week are so impulse-based that she is essentially a single-celled organism. She sees a cat and takes it and then sees a person and asks his opinion and then sleeps with that person because I don’t even know why and then leaves to probably shop at the first store she passes and then eat at the restaurant right next to that and God, I hope she knows how to get back to her apartment is someone watching after her? Like, always?

s3e05 shoshanna

Emotional Age: 70

I’m lowering Shosh’s age a bit because she’s right at that sweet spot where she’s totally with it but old enough not to care what anyone thinks. The result is a combination of insight and brutal honesty that make her someone I wish were real so I could hang out with her and learn. She’s so fearless and laser-focused in her interactions this week that I’m surprised Jessa didn’t shrivel like a raisin under the glorious light of her cousin’s many revelations. Preach on, girl.

s3e05 jessa

Emotional Age: 5

What do you call someone who watches TV all day, needs full support from her family because she’s unemployed, can’t tell the difference between a commercial and reality and thinks that getting a job involves saying hello to someone holding a “Help Wanted” sign? You call that person a child. Good thing she has Grandma Shosh to look after her.