MOON MAN

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly From Last Night’s VMAs

Lez be honest, chances are you didn’t watch last night’s MTV Video Music Awards. And really, you didn’t miss much. We don’t predict too much VMA chatter today at the proverbial water cooler.

But the night wasn’t completely devoid of notable moments.

So without further ado, here’s the good, the bad and the ugly from the 2014 VMAs.

The Good:

Sam Smith crooned his way into our hearts, yet again:

 

Laverne Cox showed up looking like an interstellar space queen:

laverne

And if Laverne was a space queen, Amber Rose was a sexy metal plated stripper from Saturn’s third ring:

Screen Shot 2014-08-25 at 9.11.47 AM

Beyonce killed it by closing the show with a 16-minute medley of her latest album:

 

And Blue was digging what Mommy was serving:

OK, now The Bad:

Nicki Minaj opened up the night with a wardrobe malfunction during her performance of “Anaconda.” Normally this would make the “good” list by sheer virtue of being exciting, except that it was the most boring near-nude experience you could imagine: wardrobe

Jim Carrey did full Jim Carrey shtick as he pranced around the stage showing what he’d do with his scarf if he were at Burning Man. This would be unfunny enough on its own, but then he had to go and fall down.

fall

When Kim Kardashian’s breasts found out they weren’t eligible to win any awards, they hit the champagne hard and wouldn’t shut up about how overrated Bey is:

Screen Shot 2014-08-25 at 9.49.11 AMBrace yourself, here’s The Ugly:

Speaking of Kim and her cloney clan — during a tribute to the conflicts in Ferguson, Mo. and a moment of silence for Mike Brown, the camera cut to Kim, Kylie and Kendall to discover all three with phones out and fingers tapping away. Perhaps they were just Googling what Ferguson is in the first place:

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The awkward rotten banana peel half-dress is one thing, but the “#hashtag” clutch is actual proof that humanity’s end is nearer than we thought:

Screen Shot 2014-08-25 at 9.13.01 AM

They say imitation is the highest form of flattery. But when one talentless pop star (Katy Perry) imitates an even more talentless pop star (Britney Spears), nobody should feel flattered. Here is Katy and Riff Raff imitating Britney and Justin’s denim look. Oh, the humanity:

katy

katy

Special Runner Up:

Ok, so this may have happened at VMA benefit preshow, but this clip of Iggy Azalea falling off the stage might be our favorite moment of this entire post:

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21 Comments

  • Desert Boy

    Beyonce was the only entertaining person on the VMAs. To be honest, this was the first time I was bored and thought, “stop wasting your time and mind on this crap.” Maybe I’m getting older?

    An aside, why can’t the VMAs, and Grammys, resist the urge to show endless cut-aways of Taylor Swift dancing badly? Heffa dances as bad as she sings.

  • DDstar1me

    @Desert Boy ….I agree. I am a big fan of Beyoncé but even her performance as perfect as it always is, was a snooze fest.

    I think I’m just getting old and sick of the foolishness as well lol….

    The music industry is headed to the trash dump. Everyone is over sexed or naked and talentless.

  • bitemelo

    The nail in the coffin for me was lorde winning best rock video against artic monkeys and black keys (which the presenter called black eyes). I can’t anymore. I’m out.

  • Jarrod

    What the fuck is a Beyonce?

  • DarkZephyr

    This article overdid the snark as far as I am concerned.

  • Xzamilio

    This article was snark-perfection, as far as I am concerned.

  • lencho

    They disappeared sometime Friday afternoon, but I had a couple towels in my bathroom that looked suspiciously like Kim Kardashian’s ‘dress’. How has this whole K-Family lasted more than their already too long 15 minutes. There is something seriously wrong with USians…

  • stranded

    @DarkZephyr: I agree.

  • Wooly

    Who are these people and why are they important?

  • siltor67

    them kardashians are nasty whores… i laughed when iggy fell..girl can’t rap for the life of her..what the hell is a riff raff and someone please shoot him!!

  • strix1

    When does MTV play these videos they give away awards for? I never see music videos on Music TeleVision (MTV)anymore…they have nothing to do with good videos and only to do with who is popular.

  • Franco C.

    Meh. Most of these “artists” couldn’t write or read a sheet of music if their careers depended on it. Meow.

  • MusicEsMiVida

    Beyoncé was AMAZING, as usual… Performing the entire album was genius!! Best album snippet in existence. King Bey<3

  • michael mellor

    Half-naked corporate bimbos who lip-synch on a stage are going to destroy the music business. These bimbos suck and so does MTV.

  • lykeitiz

    @michael mellor: Sadly, your prediction has already come true.
    @Xzamilio: Agreed!
    @bitemelo: Thank you for saying that! As the corporate-owned press naturally drooled over that sh&t-fest, I have not heard ONE report about a nominee being mispronounced! (Black Eyes…really?)
    @DDstar1me: And now I don’t have to say anymore….

    Except Thank You to Querrty for having the blz to call it out!

  • Sebizzar

    The only performances I enjoyed were Sam Smith and Ariana Grande. 5 Seconds of Summer was pretty nice and Usher’s new song is okay I guess.

    I definitely agree that the winners were bad choices. Artist to Watch should have gone to Sam Smith, Best Pop Video should have been “Happy”, and Lorde isn’t “rock” -.-

  • stranded

    why would you bring a baby to an awards show? Seems tacky and attention seeking. Just like Will Smith did with his kids.

  • Jake357

    If you’re old enough to buy liquor and still watching the VMAs / listening to corporate pop (a la the Top 40), you might need to re-examine your life.

  • LadyL

    @stranded: I know you’re right, but she sure was/is cute. Reeeally hoping Baby Blue grows into her mom’s looks rather than, um, her dad’s. There. I said it. Someone had to.

  • LadyL

    Got another one of those bizarre “Slow Down. You’re posting too fast” error messages when I tried to post the above comment. You know what, WordPress? Shut up.

    • Sebizzar

      @LadyL: Lol I get that too, it is extremely annoying especially if you had typed a long comment >_<

Comments are closed.