The Japanese Have Thought of Everything: an Automatic Sperm Collecting Machine

We don’t have a lot of context for this, but perhaps context simply isn’t necessary. It is a machine that does pretty much what the name “Sperm Collector” suggests: it collects sperm, and does it with aplomb.

According to the internets, the infernal contraption debuted at the Shanghai Medical Convention — no word on whether it was tested by any attendees, or whether it was protested by the many humans whom it will put out of a job.

Kidding aside, perhaps it might be useful for disabled people? If your mobility is impaired, it might be nice to have a robot friend to address your carnal needs. Of course, the mechanical back-and-forth might get a little numbing after a while. The human body is more than a mere piston and crank shaft, after all. (Though not much more.)

By the way, Japanese inventors, don’t think you’re so special. We have a 24-hour sperm collector just down the street from us, too. His name is Tom and he’s always happy to see you.

How about we take this to the next level?

Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.

Daily

Weekly

Promotions and Partner Emails

UPDATE: Commenter Nick informs us that the Japanese have not, in fact, thought of everything, despite what everyone says.