survey says

The More Fags a Fag Hag Has, The More Likely She Is to Feel Good About Herself?

Researchers asked 154 heterosexual women to count the number of gay male friends they have, as well as quantitatively score their own body image and sense of attractiveness, and list their romantic relationships over the past two years to gauge their own dating lives. “The results were analyzed to test the common assumption that women befriend gay men because they have poor body esteem and feel unattractive to straight men,” writes Scientific American‘s Jesse Bering. “If this were true, the authors reason, then there should be a meaningful statistical association between a woman’s number of gay male friends and her body esteem and relationship success—in other words, the more pathetic a woman’s romantic life and the more she sees herself as being undesirable to straight men, the more she should seek out gay men as friends. But the data revealed otherwise. In fact, with this sample at least, there was absolutely no link between a woman’s relationship status, the number of times she’d been on the receiving end of a breakup, or her body esteem and the number of gay male friends in her life.” Does that mean straight women with a lot of gay male friends actually fare better in life?

The study found “the more gay male friends that a woman had, the more sexually attractive she found herself.” But also: “The longer that a woman has been friends with her closest gay male friend, the lower her perceived sexual attractiveness.” Which means hot girls either surround themselves with hot guys who happen to be gay, or gays laud their fag hags with so many compliments it helps these women perceive themselves to be attractive — a connection that may prove harmful to the lass over an extended period of time.

Either way, our work is done. We made you feel better about yourself, and now we’re going to leave you sitting in the corner with your iPhone while we cruise the bar.

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  • ggreen

    When a fag is out socializing with his fag hag, he should ask himself why it is he can’t get and keep a man; then just look across the table at Hag City.

  • Jayson

    I prefer the term “fruit fly”

  • Hodge Podge

    How many fags would a hag fag have if a fag hag could have fags?

  • Hodge Podge

    NOO I messed it up damn it!!!

  • Jake

    Duh. IMHO, a real fag hag is that Will/Grace interdependent relationship, bording on unhealthy, between best friends for ages.

    Women that collect us like fashion accessories are sort of fun w hen you’re in that stage of your life, but now kind of make me sick. They assume that every gay man is just there to hang on their arm and for some reason absolutely wants to listen to all the stupid BS that their boyfriend doesn’t, but then doesn’t want to reciperocate. We do, for some reason, make them feel very attractive and progressive and cosmopolitan.

    We’re real human guys, who like to bang other guys. That’s it. Get over it.

  • robert


    or, maybe, you know, there are people who can do both? GASP

    i didn’t realize the sole objective of socializing was to keep a man. you should write a quaint dating manual.

  • WTF

    I see fag hags as a disease best rid of soon as possible. But my main quibble is that Scientific American must have slumped down to the caliber of Cosmo in its data collection methods. I’m sorry, but 154 samples is a wholly insufficient number upon which to make any proclamations.

  • Swimmer - Chicago

    Sorry fellas – fag hags are essential to almost every gay male. They can come in very handy and provide unlimited entertainment because of their over-the-top actions in real life.

  • Rick

    Being a post-gay, I guess I don’t label my friends as labels are for clothes, not people.

    If I am friends with a woman then I am friends with a woman.

    If I am friends with a man then I am friends with a man.

    When I was in the USMC, I had more straight guy (fag stags, if you must) than any other type of friend.

    Once again

  • jeffree

    @Rick: What you said is SO deep!
    “When I am friends with a man, I am friends with a man”
    Because that means you are not friends with a goat, a sheep, or an ameoba! Cool!

    As a completely inclusive genderqueer, polyamorous, person myself I agree that “I don’t label my friends as labels” either. In fact, I don’t even use their names. I just call them “FRIEND.”

    I hate labels so much, I remove them from ALL of my garments. You should too.
    It’s liberating!


    @Swimmer – Chicago:”… because of their over-the-top actions in real life.”

    Which you in turn inherit to make an exhibition of yourself to get bashed for. We the MEN can’t always be there to ward off haters…effete guys seem to forget that every time. Ditch the chick and enter the world men. C’mon nigger your shit up!

  • 7

    @jeffree: You’re weird.

    I don’t have a fag hag, don’t really care for one. I’ll take a girl friend, but the whole concept of the obsessive queeny woman is tiring. I already had a “straight” guy friend like that in high school, I don’t need a sequel with more vagina.

  • jeffree

    I’ve never had a “fag hag” to be honest. Unless a close lesbian friend counts, but there’s no drama or tension there — I’ve seen waaay too much weirdness between gay men & str8 women and it sure seems counter-productive for both people. They end up, often, “alone together”.

    @7: I was kidding. Perhaps you’re new here. But i agree with the other stuff you said. The closest I ever got to being “genderqueer” was wearing a scarf with purple stripes one winter, and I got my fingenails painted for charity once. It was a stunning shade of coral.

    My verson of polyamory was crushing on TWO guys at the same time.

    “When I am friends with a person, I am friends with a person.”

  • Jimmi

    @Rick: I like that!

  • Jimmi

    Fag Hag is an anti-feminist term. I have women friends who are my friends. Any relationship fraught with codependency is a bad thing no matter who it is.

  • John

    MY fag hag is at my job. She is needy, clingy, whiny and constantly in my face, asking me if her clothes look good (they don’t), if she’s wearing too much makeup (usually not enough), and telling me all the details of the separation from her husband and string of dates. I’d rather shoot myself in the face than have her around, ruining my reputation at work. Did I ask for this? Fuck no.

  • counterpoll

    @Jimmi: “Faghag” can be offensive both to gay men *and* to women. The word “hag” has had negative associations with witchcraft and sorcery in history and literature. The word “crone” has a similar background.

    I personally do not use or like the word “fag” but I gave up fighting that cause long ago. I know when I’m outnumbered.

    “Codependent” had little negative connotation until the 80s when it got linked with the substance-abuse/addiction recovery movement and the associated focus on partners/friends/children of addicts. Up to that point it was, like the word “interdependent”, more value-neutral: it meant “mutually dependent.”

    Nowadays it’s code word for unhealthy relationships.

    Words change! But gay men and heterosexual women seem to keep developing longstanding friemdships, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse!

  • scott ny'er

    @Rick: Wth is a post-gay?

  • Dollie

    We can dress sexism up however we so choose… but alas, sexism by any other name is still sexism. And I am seeing a disgusting amount of it on this board.

    The idea of a “fag hag” is, at it’s core, a powerful thing. Historically (though I’ll admit this might come off as a gross generalization) , women have been more sympathetic towards the “gay community.” It only makes sense that this would lead to friendships. This is far from detrimental. Though I do not advocate the full assimilation of the “gay community” into a heteronormative society, I think acknowledgment and acceptance is pivotal (would anyone argue?). Wouldn’t close bonds with heterosexual women prove beneficial?

    Though, I do see why the “fag hag” relationship has become heartbreakingly annoying. Women exploiting their friend’s sexuality is obnoxious (“This is my gay friend, —–“) and women holding stereotypes as truth is damaging. However, instead of condemning these women, why not educate them? Wouldn’t that prove far more beneficial/positive than writing them off as “diseases”?

  • MMDD

    @scott ny’er: I guess post-gay is the label you use when you declare you hate labels. Rather ironic, isn’t it?

  • counterpoll

    @scott ny’er: @MMDD: Nicely said!

    I, apparently, am not “post-gay” enough, learning this when I once got my arse handed to me on a platter for asking why asexuals were now being included in the LGBTQ “movement.”

    I thought it a reasonable question at the time. I had no preconceived notion whether they should or shouldn’t. I just didn’t quite get the connection. Twenty minutes of invective against my heteronormativism and “a-phobia” ensued, but no explanation was provided.

    I won’t make that mistake ever again. Promise. Now I smile and say “Another beverage please.”

  • Jaime

    Fag Hags are obnoxious cunts. God Hates Fag Hags.

  • jeffree

    @Jaime: The Reason that Queerty’s filter allowed this use of “cunt” is??

  • Samwise

    I’m kind of surprised that Jason isn’t already in this thread warning us of how all women want to steal our precious bodily fluids.

  • SCRN

    It’s funny that the criticism focuses almost exclusively on how obnoxious the straight woman is, without noting the other side of the pattern. Just as some women consider their gay friend an accessory, some gay men consider their straight female friend as simply a sounding board for good crusing stories or an easy safe harbor from homophobia at work–and easy to dump when something important walks by.

    Surprise! In friendships, both parties respect each other. If that’s not happening, it’s probably not a good friendship.

  • MMDD

    @counterpoll: I had no idea asexuals were part of the movement now. Funny thing…I’ve yet to read any news stories about asexual bashing or asexual discrimination.

  • JahovasFitness

    That’s a horrible study! They got it backwards. By their own logic, if a woman keeps fags to boost her self-esteem, then by definition she should on average have LOWER self-esteem than a representative straight counterpart, not higher. Some social scientists are so dumb!

  • Ponyboy

    I married mine off last month. Now she will spawn more for my empire!!!!

  • J

    @scott ny’er: More quasi intellectual postmodern bull. That’s what.

  • J

    @counterpoll: Would that beverage happen to be kool aid? Just askin’…

  • ewe

    Most fag hags eventually abandon gay men. It has something to do with their biological clock ticking. It’s true. I think it is a generational thing. I don’t tend to see many fag hags hanging with gay men who are 40plus all that much. They are in denial and think they are going to woo the guy. They have always been selfish in their goal to possess the gay guy they have their eyes on but eventually reality sets in and they split.

  • Jimmi

    @scott ny’er: Some movement that began in the early 90’s by a bunch of Gays who were trying to show that they were very mainstream and looked down on the freak show of Amazon Dykes, Leather Men and Drag Queens.

  • AxelDC

    How many gay men actually have fag hags?

    As a gay man, I much prefer the company of men to women. I have a few female friends, but they are far more involved with their own personal lives than with mine. My closest friends have always been gay men since I came out.

  • Yuki

    First off, I gotta say, I have a dislike of people who insist I’m not “gay” enough because they want a “gay friend who can help with fashion” and crap like that.

    Second… this study makes no sense. They’re testing gay friends and body image, yes, but how are they going to show a causation? There may be a correlation, but do gay friends cause self esteem boosts, or does it just so happen that those happen with gay friends around?

  • hoganbcmj

    Why is no one discussing the very obvious contrast between these two statements:

    — The study found “the more gay male friends that a woman had, the more sexually attractive she found herself.” But also: “The longer that a woman has been friends with her closest gay male friend, the lower her perceived sexual attractiveness.” —

    Is this a typo? Should this read the “higher her perceived sexual attractiveness”? Because if not, then I would say the whole point of this article is missed. The study seems to show nothing. Fag hags feel both better AND worse about themselves because of their gay friends? I’m confused.

  • RAMWolff

    My first real friend in the gay community is the one that officially brought me out. We met in a ABC Liquor bar in Bradenton Florida back in the late 70’s. We made out and I put my hands on her breasts and went ‘ew’. I tried again… same reaction. She said “I know what’s wrong” get in your car and follow me… so she took me to “Ryan’s Someplace Else”, now in bar heaven and introduced me to her cute, furry best friend. He took me home and we had fabulous sex and I thought to myself “that’s much better”… lol So I have nothing against fag hags in the least. They are a blessing for many of us and for others it’s not a good thing as many fag hags want the opportunity to “turn” a gay man straight. Mine did the opposite for me! hehehe

  • suko

    I have a few gay friends that i met after i got married and a couple before and it’s about the person not what they are in to.The friends i have did not even come out to me until we had been friends for almost 6 months and them sharing that info with me made us closer friends not cause of the fact they were gay but because they felt i could accept them for who they really were.Also they find the word fag extremely offensive.

  • Justin

    @scott ny’er:

    Isn’t “post gay” just code for “I’m full of self loathing but way too hip to admit I’ve considered right wing converstion ‘therapy'”

  • Justin


    It’s not a typo. I guess it means people should be friends with each other, regardless of gender, but not for the wrong reasons. Not all female friends are ‘fag hags’. I reserve that term for those women who won’t let go of their gay friends and do their best to stymie the potential hook ups of their gay friend, for jealousy’s sake. It is not uncommon.

  • Justin

    @Dollie: And ever wondered why the “L” is now mysteriously ahead of the “G” in that ridiculous acronym LGBTQ. I don’t identify with any of it except the G, and I’m not overly concerned if you want to label that sexist or not. One of my closest friends is a straight woman. But she’s married, and doesn’t get territorial with the gays. These women who do, are accepting of male homosexuality on the surface only, and are a pain in the arse. But some effeminate gay men also have them around as a kind of security blanket, which is also unhealthy.

  • Andy

    Fag hags can be clingy and annoying, especially when you’re out in the club and there is this cute guy you’re trying to hit on and then next to him there is this loud OMG I AM SO CUTE AND OPEN MINDED BECAUSE MY FRIEND IS A FAG!!! irritating woman telling him who to reject and who to take, and who’s cute and who’s ugly! (as if he was her accessory or her BBF)

    Then some fag hags are VERY VERY hard to get rid of, once you hang out with them, they are like freaking needy and won’t stop calling you asking you to do stuff with them!!

    I’ve been to nightclubs or those type of monthly gay party/events where gay guys go to meet or hook up and as soon as u step in, 60% of the entire place is fag hags or annoying straight girls who came with her girlfriends because they’re all so “crazy liberal OMG OMG”

  • Ogre Magi

    @Andy: Holy Crap, that is sooooo fucking true!

  • Old time fag hag

    Well, I see the new young, out, millenium gay boys are just as hateful against women as gays were in the 1970s. Damn, the hate is palpable. The ghosts of 1970s queer.

    Stay in good health bitches because no lesbians will be coming to wipe your asses in the hospital when all the meds fail. And they will fail.

  • silverscreams

    @Old time fag hag: You’re really just a hateful old lady, aren’t you? If these people don’t like the idea of a fag hag, then let them think that way. Also, “millenium (that’s spelled wrong, by the way. It’s millennium) gay boys” have better access to medicine and educational materials. AIDS isn’t the terror it once was.

    And another thing, if they had lesbians that were friends, I’m sure those people would help them out with whatever situation they found themselves in. How dare you judge someone’s relationships based on their sexuality.

    These people have probably only run into rabid fag hags, so their dislike is understandable. You should really back off their dicks, they obviously don’t like vagina.

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