sex

The Most Exciting Part of the Pentagon’s 10-Month DADT Study? The Part About Anal Sex and Blow Jobs

Today in Washington D.C., the nation’s capital of pillow fights, General Counsel Jeh Johnson and U.S. Army Forces Europe commander Gen. Carter Ham stopped by the House Armed Services Committee to talk about their nine month (or ten month, depending on which report you read) review of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. It was, by all accounts, really freakin’ boring. Marine Corps Times:

But no sparks flew during a hearing of the House Armed Services Committee’s military personnel panel, with two Republican lawmakers who oppose repeal, South Carolina’s Joe Wilson and Louisiana’s John Fleming, making understated arguments that the impact of the current ban is negligible and does not adversely affect military readiness. The three Defense Department officials did not bite on those or any other issues and spent the hearing side-stepping inquiries about their personal opinions.

Both civilian officials said they understood that while they are part of the administration of President Obama, who has called for repeal of the law, they are not going public with their thoughts. “My job [is] obviously not only to be open-minded and objective, but to be ready if Congress actually repeals the law,” said Clifford Stanley, a retired Marine major general barely two weeks into his new job as undersecretary of defense for personnel and readiness. Nor was an opinion forthcoming from Pentagon General Counsel Jeh Johnson, who is simultaneously producing short-term legal advice for Defense Secretary Robert Gates on whether current policy can be softened within the law.

Well, glad to know we should expect testimony about DADT to be as bland and lacking in opinion as a Supreme Court justice’s confirmation hearing.

Oh, but we didn’t mean to say absolutely nothing happened at today’s hearing. Namely, we learned the Pentagon will spend taxpayer dollars investigating policies about how the armed forces are affected by one man inserting his penis into another man’s anus, or into the mouth of another man or woman.

The Uniform Code of Military Justice prohibits sodomy and oral sex, even among consenting adults and married couples. Pentagon General Counsel Jeh Johnson, who is helping to lead a study on the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, said he planned to review all related aspects of the military legal code. When asked by Arkansas Democratic Rep. Vic Snyder whether that review will extend to the rules on sodomy and oral sex, Johnson said yes.

But what if sodomy has nothing to do with anal sex, and is actually concerned with vile arrogance? Well, let’s review that, too.

(Pictured L-R: Pentagon General Counsel Jeh Johnson, Undersecretary of Defense for Personnel and Readiness Dr. Clifford Stanley, and Army Gen. Carter Ham, via)