must watch

The Most Honest It Gets Better Video You’ll Ever See

This just might be my favorite It Gets Better video yet — although, admittedly, I may have reached that conclusion because I’m exhausted from watching the “regular” It Gets Better videos. You know, the ones with messages of hope. As SodomiteHalDuncan explains, “I keep thinking how my 16, 17-year-old gay self would’ve responded to a video of someone like me coming on and saying, ‘Don’t worry, it gets better.’ And I think my answer would’ve been along the lines of, ‘Yeah, fucking when?’”

“I keep thinking that when I was growing up … a thousand, ten thousand, a hundred thousand, a fucking million It Gets Better videos would still be only a fucking band-aid over a fucking gaping wound where they ripped your fucking heart out piece by fucking piece,” he continues. “Because let’s face it, if you’re one of the kids out there thinking of following in the foot steps of too fucking many, it’s because as far as you’re concerned you’re fucking dead already.”

Heavy, yo.

We’ve all heard the criticisms of Dan Savage’s project, saying it does little to comfort bullied teens, and only offers them a glimmer of hope. But I don’t think SodomiteHalDuncan’s video is even a criticism of the effort. It’s a new take on it. It’s not about focusing on what’s to come in the years after grade and high school. It’s about the real shit you’re dealing with right this fucking second. “If the question burning in your head is, ‘When does it get better? Fucking when does it get better?’ I can’t give you a satisfactory answer.”

Watch this whole thing. Really.

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  • stephen

    transcript please?

  • Ashton C

    Fucking Brilliant!

    “…they ground you to the point where when you associate the very sound of human joy with your humiliation”.

    That sentence right there brought tears to my eyes.

    Thank you for this post.

  • Ashton C

    Question: Is anybody else here having trouble accessing Queerty lately? I am constantly getting data base errors, problems loading, , no server access etc… Only for Querty though so I know its not my computer or server. Thanks in advance.

  • He doesn't look well.

    No, he doesn’t look well at all.

  • Qjersey

    Best Ever

    Maybe cause FUCK YOU was my attitude as a gay teen in the ’80s. Said it to my step-father, my grandmother, “friends,” a boss and even a lady in line at a store for giving me shit for being gay.

  • TampaZeke

    The Scottish accent is FUCKING brilliant icing on the cake!

  • Fagburn

    Brilliant – a fine antidote to the usual sentimental vomit, crappy platitudes and happy clapping on IGB videos.

  • Duane

    Awesome “fucking” video. He’s right. These kids are hurting and the last thing they need is a hollow “It get’s better” statement. Stand up for yourself people. You are strong. I was strong and lucky around the way. I would have given anything to listen to a message like this when I was battling my sexuality against the world. Like they said in Waterboy – YOU CAN DO IT!!

  • asa1973

    @Ashton C: Ditto…

  • Jeff R

    @JD: Thank you so much for posting this! Job well done!
    @He Doesn’t Look Well: Incredibly insipid comment. His looks are not the point – he’s a real gay man stating his message.
    @Stephen: Many members of our community have accents, BFD! It’s the message that’s important. FYI, years ago at the Miami Film Festival I attended an advance screening of “Four Weddings And A Funeral” and I daresay that English was not the original language of 85% of the audience yet they loved the film, dealt with the plethora of English, Irish, Welsh and Scottish accents and got the film’s message. Your comment reeks of shallowness and isolationism. Despite the man’s accent, the honesty of his message ring true.
    Once again, thank you JD!

  • Dennis

    @Jeff R: in [email protected]stephen: some of us are hearing impaired as well. e have to depend on Youtube’s crappy closed captioning system if that video even has it available. I usually don’t even click on posts that have video embeds. This one caught my eye though and I did. Thanks for your insensitivity and excluding a part of your own community. So as one who can’t here this video I will ask “transcript please?” (and this goes for all the videos embedded)

  • brian

    “These words are a decision, a determination, a defiance that you will hold in your fist as you raise it high…”

    Dude can write.

  • Cranston Cranium

    Without the deluge of abuse suffered not only by LGBT youth, but by race, gender, weight, other issues in school, etc. “It Gets Better” isn’t handed to you on a silver platter. You have to earn it, by moving past the pain and abuse, convert it to being accepted by others. This will come at a point beyond, from where you are now.
    Focus on your dreams and aspirations, you are much more mature, loved and valuable; than those who try and break you.

  • declanto

    “It gets Better” just got a lot fu*king better.

  • gina

    Let’s face it, swearing just sounds better with a fookin’ brogue. I love his statement at the end.

  • David

    Does he look like David Spade a little bit?

  • Benjamin

    Brilliant. Whoever this is has a brand new #1 fan. This is a lesson I really could have used at 16.

  • tjr101

    Hmm, as the video went on I found him increasingly attractive!

  • scribe

    It gets better when you stop taking shit from people. It gets better when you realize that you are worth loving. It gets better when you are kissed by another boy, who sees you as an equal, who stands by you against the rest of the world. It gets better when you figure out that God created you for a reason, that he doesn’t make mistakes, and anyone speaking in his name against gays is full of shit!

  • McMike

    Someone does need to be honest with LGBT youth because it does NOT get better unless you do something about it. I did something about it when I was 18 when I moved out of my house and out of my town. 18 years later I moved back to my hometown and it’s the same f’n shite as before. Is how society treats the LGBT community really getting better? Sure, about half of America is more understanding but there’s still a HUGE slice that’s the same exact scum that they’ve always been. Gay youth need to be reminded we’re the Alexander the Greats, the Shakespeares, the Leonardo Di Vinci’s, the Michelangelos and the Socrates while bigots end up being nothing but history’s losers. We need to tell these kids if they’re not happy with what’s going on then do something about it. Either move out of your town as soon as possible or work out, get pissed and kick someone’s ass.

  • Danny

    It gets better when you realize that huge numbers of heterosexuals are insanely afraid of dying so they start making up religious shit and passing the baggage down to their children so that thousands of years later they lead their lives according to the writings of long-since dead people who couldn’t figure out that the world is round, not flat, and that the Earth goes around the Sun, not the other way around – in other words, some ancient dumbshits who couldn’t figure out the most basic concepts of reality. How stupid is that shit? It gets better when you realize revenge is the most justice most humans throughout history have ever or will ever achieve. Don’t get angry or depressed, get even; it’s more productive. Don’t put up with crap from homophobes. Support the good heterosexuals, and punish the bad ones (that’s what heteros have always done).

  • mucklucky777

    I want every politician (Hey, Obama, over here) every pundit (Hey, you big bouncing asshole whose name escapes me right now) every so-called religious leader (Hey, the guy who used to be a Hitler Youth but who now claims to be Pope) take a look at the truth.

    You all are spineless pieces of meat. This is a MAN talking here.

    I’ll be honest with you, This is the best thing I’ve seen out of It Gets Better since the original with Dan and his cute hubby.

    Thank you Hal Duncan! You are The Man.

  • Kenny

    It’s always funny to hear people bitch & moan about what kids want to hear, especially when the comments are from those who don’t have kids.

    Every gay kid is different. So different videos will appeal to different kids. The important thing is not to speculate what kids want to hear, but to make a video that relates your ideas and your experiences. That will ensure a wide variety of messages so as to increase the odds that a struggling teen will find a video that resonates with their feelings.

  • Annie

    I can’t stop watching this. Too perfect. Hal, whoever you are, thank you. I love you so much right now. And so does my 16 year old gay self.

  • Ash

    I loved his hit towards the end about fucking all the people who aren’t there for you and being there with all the other gays in the future.

  • prohomo

    @McMike: Right on, McMike. Especially the last paragraph.

  • Daez

    I don’t get why everybody states that it gets better when you get out of high school. The truth is, it gets better when you take a stand for your own principles and find a way to work those principles into your life.

    If you want friends to accept then you then find friends that you need to accept as well (yes, I’m talking to you twinks that think anyone that isn’t your size/shape/color/freakishly hairless self isn’t worth knowing).

    If you want there to be change then don’t be afraid to make it happen.

    If you want to be loved then don’t be afraid to find someone to love (and when you find someone that actually needs loved don’t look for their every flaw and then bitch because you can’t find anyone to love).

    Personally, high school (in small town Ohio) was great for me because I was willing to get out there and make it better. I learned at an early age how to make friends and influence people, and I would honestly say I’m stronger because I experienced that hatred and bigotry from some people and found ways to work around it.

    In the end, you can only control your behavior, so if you are going to let someone bully you without standing up for yourself than they win. If you learn how to fight back then you win. Learning how to fight back is something that will last you a life time.

  • Daez

    @Kenny: No kid wants to hear an “it gets better” message from someone so completely different than them its not funny that has made it there mission to exploit the gay community for all its worth.

    I’m not saying the “it gets better” campaign isn’t a novel idea or that we should overlook our allies, but honestly, the vast majority of these people have absolutely nothing in common with a kid being bullied in small town USA.

    Some of them, Dan Savage and Dan Choi to be more exact, have done nothing but use their status as a gay to exploit the community for every last dime they can get while having no real marketable skills outside of that exploitation.

  • GimmeaBreak

    Daez – Your assertion “the vast majority of these people have absolutely nothing in common with a kid being bullied in small town USA” is totally baseless. It’s built on your own experience and I’m guessing it’s also one that doesn’t include having children, especially teenagers. Why is it that a community who bitches about respecting “diversity” doesn’t understand that it’s own population is quite diverse, so different kids are looking for different messages.

  • thousandfold

    @brian: Yep, he can. He’s a published author. I’ve only read part of Vellum: Book of all Hours, but that’s enough to tell he’s got great potential.

  • Otis Walker

    I somewhat disagree with the video.The issues of being black and gay were not addressed.

  • Jacob Woods

    This video made me cry. And I am not talking like teared up. I had tears rolling down my cheeks. It was motivational. And so true. It has been my favorite because it doesn’t become any more blunt than this. I am here to help those around me. And when had I given up on those around me. I would have given up on myself and things could not have gotten better for myself or for anyone who comes to me for help.

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