Straight people get sweat-dripping, often uncomfortably real sex scenes in movies, but where are the realistic gay sex scenes? Surprisingly, it was straight actor Daniel Radcliffe who opened our eyes to the fact that there are plenty of films out there that inaccurately depict gay sex, as he keenly observed during his work with his director while filming Kill Your Darlings.
I was talked through it by the director. He would be telling me what I would be feeling in each take. Basically, gay sex, especially for the first time, is really fucking painful. And [director John Krokidas] said that he had never seen that portrayed accurately on film before. He wanted it to look like an authentic loss of virginity.”
– Daniel Radcliffe on losing his cinematic virginity in Kill Your Darlings.
In that spirit, and because we wanted an excuse to watch gay sex scenes all day, we decided to compile a list of movies that are not only realistic to the gay sex experience but some that are just a little too real. You’ll see what we’re talking about.
Check out our list of movies featuring the most realistic gay sex scenes:
David’s Birthday
This Italian movie shows Matteo, a formerly straight man falling in love with his friend’s son David. The scene that gets real is when he’s interrupted in the middle of sex with David by his wife. Matteo doesn’t even stop pumping while begging his wife to understand. Blue balls are real. You can see the scene here, y’know, for science.
I Love You, Phillip Morris
If we’re being honest, we didn’t expect one of the most realistic gay sex scenes to cum out of a comedy movie (see what we did there?) But in 2009’s I Love you, Phillip Morris, Jim Carrey hits a mustached daddy from the back. Clearly the execs couldn’t handle the hotness and it ultimately got a limited theater release. We’d give them a wider release any day. See the sweaty scene here.
Shortbus
John Cameron Mitchell created this movie as a real sex experiment. While it may have missed its mark at times, it definitely pushed the boundaries of what the public has seen. For example, it features a threesome between a gay couple, and a random guy, which… gets weird. Bonus: the movie features Kiki of Kiki and Herb! Check out one of the odder sex scenes from Shortbus here.
Shank
So, Shank is…graphic. Well, two guys do drugs and have sex in a car in the woods, which is mild enough, until one beats and robs the other. Also, the antihero is raped by his best friend and his lover is forced to watch. Besides all of the realness things get truly real when the main character and his lover have a touching, frank sex scene. Only watch this if you’re into S&M or rough play.
Shame
Michael Fassbender came to many a gay’s attention when he “performed” in Shame, a movie about a sex addict. The part that really gets our attention is when he goes into a sex club and gets orally serviced by a man, even though he’s not gay. There’s your straight man fantasy for ya. See the steamy, “shameful” scene here.
Blue is the Warmest Color
Our list isn’t exclusive to guy-on-guy gay sex scenes! Blue is the Warmest Color, a three-hour adaptation of a Gallic graphic novel, scandalized Cannes with what one critic called “the most graphic lesbian sex scenes in modern cinematic history.” The tale of a 15-year-old girl’s sexual awakening won the Palme D’Or at Cannes and features a starmaking performance by newcomer Adele Exarchopoulos. While it makes us feel a little weird, ’cause they’re so young, the sex scenes are absolutely realistic.
Bent
You and your buddies used to do this before you all came out of the closet, admit it! While not exactly penetration, Clive Owen and his lover bring each other to climax while not touching each other at all. In this scene from Bent, the two stand side by side, never look at or touch each other and reach silent climax. We don’t give it enough justice. Plus, Karl Urban is there. Just watch the scene for yourself and imagine the rest.
Brokeback Mountain
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We’ll admit, this is the first film that comes to mind when we hear “gay sex in a movie” and for good reason. The infamous scene may have gone a bit too easy for first time — though that Jack Twist has certainly been around the block — but at the time, two mainstream actors going at it in a tent in the woods was a pretty big deal. And it also inspired the far more graphic Bareback Mount Him.
Runner up: My Policeman
Clearly, we’re experts in movies that have gay sex scenes. My Policeman has some steamy, while not completely realistic, guy-on-guy love scenes featuring the ever-so-handsome Harry Styles that leaves little to the imagination. Worth a watch!
Whether you’re seeking to indulge in captivating stories of gay love on the big screen or simply looking to stay up-to-date with the latest in LGBTQ+ culture, subscribe to the Queerty newsletter! After all, exploring diverse narratives, including those featuring realistic gay sex scenes, is all part of the cinematic journey.
gwydion
While mild by today’s standards, the sex scene between Harry Hamlin and Michael Ontkean in “Making Love” was a groundbreaker and back then, I found extremely hot.
Greg Mitchell
Any of the sex scenes in “I Want Your Love” must surely be mentioned. These are real actors having real sex on camera, and hotter than porn for that reason. You really see the connection between the actors, as well as oral sex, full penetration and even cum shots. As an example of actors really pushing their boundaries, this can’t be beaten.
I’d also mention the first sex scene in Priest between Linus Roache and Robert Carlyle, in what was quite a ground breaking movie in 1994.
Derek Williams
How beautiful is this!
Scribe38
I guess I am the only one who finds the premise wrong? I don’t think your first time has to be painful. I have topped three virgins without there being “pain” and my virginity was given/taken when I was 17. There was the sensation of being filled but there wasn’t pain. It is all about being opened slowly with fingers first and not just pounding away. There is no reason to equate anal sex with pain.
Greg Mitchell
@Scribe38:
I absolutely agree with you. I was late coming out and my first time was when I was in my late 20s. I was madly in love, and knew that I just wanted this man (my first boyfriend) so badly. I remember it very clearly. It didn’t hurt a bit. It just felt wonderful. Like you, I have also topped many a virgin and have managed to do so without causing pain.
avesraggiana
The “love scene” between Jack and Ennis looks more like a wrestling match.
JasonBrownUK
Total Eclipse with Leo DiCap bumming David Thewlis.
bskeete
My first time was not painful at all. My sex partner was very patient
and started by gently using his fingers.
I found the sex scene in The Candelabra to be very realistic.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
My first time hurt like..er..buggery! It was my last time. I was 18; I no longer am.
zaneymcbanes
Weekend had one of the most emotionally resonant sex scenes I think I’ve ever seen in a movie and probably one of the few to show that anal sex can be loving and not just pounding, not that there’s anything wrong with pounding 😉
Scribe38
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID: Baby you just had the wrong partner… A pro cheery taker will open you up right, get you off while he is still inside of you and make you beg him for a little more. Tops just have to be more worried about the bottom’s pleasure than their own for virgins. After you work the guy a few times, then you can buck wild.
Ajai
Gay sex is not synonymous with anal sex. It can be, but it’s reductive to think that is always the case,
Greg Mitchell
Did anyone say it was?
Travis
Saw ‘Stranger by the Lake’ at the seattle lesbian & gay ff last night. Beautifully shot and well crafted story. The sex scenes are hot, complete with oral and cum shots… http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2852458/?ref_=nv_sr_1
Niall
The list is kinda shitty as having seen “Shame”, I don’t get what was so realistic about the scene considering all the guy did was go down on Michael Fassbender’s character while the latter closed his eyes. But then it’s Queerty and your lists are usually awful anyways.
@Greg Mitchell: I assume that by “most realistic”, real sex doesn’t actually count, just acting that looks very real.
@Scribe38: No matter how good the top is, if it’s gonna hurt, it’s gonna hurt. Had an experienced top for my first time and it was still painful. It works differently for everyone, some people just open up easier than others.
jwrappaport
@Scribe38: Totally depends on the top, but I agree. I feel like I’ve been with a grand total of two tops who knew what they were doing (to put it mildly), and it really wasn’t painful. Everyone else is well summed up by Roxie’s impression of Amos’s bedroom skills in Chicago: “I love ya honey! I love ya!”
Dxley
Go to YouTube and watch Justin and Brian’s first sex scene on Queer As Folk. It looked so f*ucking real and, Justin looked like he was in REAL pain when Brian penetrated him. I personally love that one.
Pistolo
My first time was so easy I had a second and third time in the same night. I’m always a little concerned when someone makes a generalizing statement like this because then we all have to answer for it. Someone’s going to see this movie and then ask me about, I am so sure.
Greg Mitchell
@Niall:
In which case the scenes in Shortbus wouldn’t count either. What is remarkable about the scenes in “I Want Your Love”, and what makes them different from the scenes in a porn movie, is the way they are filmed, the way the camera concentrates on their faces, on their eyes, whilst at the same time not ignoring the fact that the guys are actually having sex. Sheer brilliance in my opinion
Greg Mitchell
I think it’s dangerous for people to generalise. Some guys do have a painful first time experience, some don’t. It’s different for everyone.
hephaestion
I still think the love scene in “Making Love” is the best gay sex scene ever. And Michael Ontkean & Harry Hamlin were superb and sexy as hell in it.
Dxley
I just can’t believe that some of you have topped virgins and they experienced no pain. It’s just very unlikely because my first time hurt like f*ck. I never really understood what people meant when they said “he has too many scratches on his back” but after that guy entered me, it immediately clicked. I even left him with some scratches of my own, and if he causes you no pain on the first time(even if he’s really experienced) it’s either he really took a very LONG time getting you ready(which is also unlikely because his dick would be throbbing, wanting to get in you) or he just has a small one, which isn’t really satisfying. Especially for experienced bottoms!
Greg Mitchell
@Dxley:
Well as I said before, my first time didn’t hurt. Not one bit. Though, as I said, I was totally in love. I suppose that’s rare now. Most guys will experiment long before they fall in love.
I can also assure you that I have topped many a guy for the first time and they have not felt any pain. Some guys need more time than others, but you have to be aware of what they are feeling and move gently.
Scribe38
@Dxley: The guy who topped me used his fingers first and got me use to the sensation, then he pulled me on top of him. I controlled the pressure and force of insertion. When I could take all of it and was use to it he flipped me over. Pain wasn’t part of my experience at all. @Greg Mitchell: Yeah I was in love with my first too, maybe that was part of it.
dvlaries
@Dxley: I remember that. Newsweek talked about seeing a man’s tongue travel south on a man’s back further than ever shown before. “In its first 15 minutes, Queer As Folk rips the door off the closet, and tosses in a stick of rainbow dynamite.”
*
It’s far from the only such scene either, in five seasons. I’d give honorable mention to Drew Boyd (Matt Battaglia) and Emmett (Peter Paige), their motel room scene in episode 10 of season four. But many others of Brian and Justin -or Brian with one-nighters- Michael & David, Michael & Ben, and any number of Ted’s various tricks were all very bold.
Rockery
Oddly enough, the first thing that came into my mind when I saw the title was Bent’s “sex scene” but I instantly thought it is NOT realistic at all. I’m happy but surprised it’s on this list.
That movie brings me to tears
Rockery
@dvlaries:
Queer As Folks sex scenes were anything but that description. While they were not bad they did not do anything for me. The closest thing to being somewhat hot was that hotel scene with Drew & Emmett, but other than that it was just so flat
Dxley
Well, I was just 17 and in love(or so I thought) and he was 19 and VERY experienced. It still hurt despite all his experience but it was way better the second time around. Many of the guys I know also say it was painful and I obviously agree based on my own experience. One friend says it hurt one time when his ex just wanted sex but he wasn’t in the mood and the guy just started fucking him(well, raping him) and it hurt like hell although he was no longer virgin. At least that’s what he tells me!!! You don’t have to be in love to enjoy anal sex. I guess it’s always different for different guys!
Ajai
@Greg Mitchell:
Yes, that would be Harry Potter:
“Basically, gay sex, especially for the first time, is really fucking painful.”
I’m assuming he’s here referring to anal intercourse as being synonymous with gay sex. Sure, that’s an assumption on my part, but either way the statement is false. I’m not offended by it, people say random things in passing, but it’s logic doesn’t hold up to critical analysis.
John Doe
Brazilian film, “Do Começo ao Fim” has very good romantic scenes. Rather realistic for 2 straight Brazilian actors in my opinion.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UchCeyKUTUY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4C-el2IIDY
(note 1 minute mark)
And French film, “Presque Rien” (1:05:00 mark)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qIWCwzb-0E
Cee
Anal sex shouldn’t be painful. Take your time, communicate and use lots of lube. That’s all. If it hurts, STOP. Duh.
Evji108
@Greg Mitchell: Actually, yes someone did. Daniel Radcliffe.
AngelicaCarter
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AnitaMann
Brokeback Mountain was terrible. It was the product of a straight author, straight screenwriters, and straight actors. Nothing realistic about that sex scene. Disgraceful.
Niall
Good for the people who had a painful first time experience, but I just really find it hard to believe it was totally painless imo
Greg Mitchell
@Niall:
Believe it. It is true. Just because it was painful for you does not mean it was painful for everyone. Why do some people find it hard to believe that everyone’s experience is different? I am not questioning the veracity of your statement, but you appear to be questioning the veracity of mine
Dxley
@ Niall: Exactly what I’m trying to figure out. How can the first time be totally painless? Someone’s lying in here o_O
Greg Mitchell
@Dxley:
Well, as I said, I’m not lying. Evidently some people are too stupid (or too ignorant) to realise that not everyone has the same experience as them. And I still maintain it’s to do with what’s going on in your head. If you’ve convinced yourself that something’s going to hurt, then, sure as hell, it will.
yaletownman
Well, I generally don’t prefer to bottom but when I have I’ve noticed it’s all depended upon my mood and the person I was with. I’ve been with guys who were pretty average and took some work to get it in there and I counted the minutes till it was out. I’ve been with other guys who were huge and it went in so well and felt so good that I’d say to myself “now I get why some people only want to bottom”. I think the sensation and level of difficulties have to with a combo of our own hangups, if any, our mood and how we feel about person topping us.
phishy2
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID: Well, it isn’t time yet to give it a second try? Lots of lube and a top with experience that is willing to go at your speed will allow both of you to have great pleasure.
bmwblonde
I wish more gay people would just GET what a disgusting anti-gay perpetration Brokeback Mountain was. It DRIPPED in gay stereotypes, in its quest (perhaps unconscious) to deliberately (or cynically) let fear-based, straight mom-n-pop movie-goers feel all warm and “sympathetic” for us “poor tortured gay dears.” What a SWEET story. Retch. Not really. For Brokeback reinforced the Belief (probably among all too many stuck gay people TOO), that gay love is Tragic, Hopeless and Doomed. What a crock. And how hilariously dated, with Gay Marriage cooking all over just a few years later. And that movie was made so excruciatingly “pretty” by Ang Lee, so as to be even more powerful in delivering its hokey but destructive stereotypes. And PLEASE don’t do the “duh, they were a product of their times and they WERE trapped.” That excuse dooms everyone into never getting free, doing their work, waking up – and DOING BETTER. No one here will comment on this, since Brokeback Mountain seems to have “stoned” gay audiences on the same stupid cool-aid.
Kangol
@Greg Mitchell:
Exactly, I Want Your Love features real gay men (including that yummy lead singer of the Younger Lovers) having real gay sex, sweat, spit, bodies together, and all.
One of the more disturbing gay sex scenes I’ve ever watched is the one in Tsai Ming-Liang’s The River. All I’ll say is, you never know who you might meet (meat?) and have sex with in a bathhouse.
setharno
Leather Jacket Love Story has some sex scenes that looked pretty realistic.
QNetter
Really? The best thing you can say about the divine Mx Justin Vivian Bond is “Kiki of Kiki & Herb”?
Niall
@Greg Mitchell: Of course I can believe other people are different, but totally PAINLESS? That’s what I find it hard to believe. I think people will experience different levels of pain, maybe from 1-10, but total 0? Just seems almost impossible when you consider the muscle was built for pushing things out and not in. Except if you’ve been practising for days or weeks in advance and opening yourself up. My experience wasn’t like a screaming, “get it out of me” level of pain, but I still felt something.
Greg Mitchell
Well I certainly felt something, but it definitely wasn’t pain. Believe me. I have also topped virgins since then who told me, that they too did not feel any pain. So believe it!
AxelDC
Latter Days has a few great sex scenes. The best is the culmination of their relationship at the Salt Lake Airport hotel.
SteveDenver
@gwydion: I remember the local arthouse theater had uniformed police outside, there were such spectacular rumors. I was 15, not yet out, and desperate to see it. I bought a ticket to another movie, went to the restroom and then entered the theater where MAKING LOVE was showing. My face was hot the entire time. When I came out, the theater employee in the lobby asked how I liked it. Looking back they probably all knew what was going on and thought I was cute.
colin4
There’s ‘Freefall’ German movie u guys forgot!!!!
Greg Mitchell
@colin4: I think you’ll find Free Fall hadn’t been released when this was first posted
sfsilver
I thought “Stranger by the Lake” captured regular guys cruising in a rural setting in one of the most honest and frank ways ever http://youtu.be/PgcEGKn7waI
smittoons
Most lesbians I know think the sex scenes in “Blue is the Warmest Color” are funnier than they are realistic.
Daggerman
…Daniel Radcliffe’s claim’s about anal sex being painful for the first time, sounds like a bit of a joke to me. What does he know about anal sex?? Is he trying to say he tried it? And had a bad experience? Anal sex CAN be painful ANYTIME if not done properly. He sounds like he’s just saying this to make people believe he’s straight. Or could it be because he’s so dum?
Rusty66
My eyebrows went up at Daniel’s comment … so did a lot of other people’s.
“Is?” Not “I understand it is?”
I don’t recall most gay porn showing pain, except for the S&M / fisting genre … which he SHOULDN’T have been watching if he was preparing himself for a scene with two tender twinks (chuckle).
Anyway, Dan’s lovely, and I hope he takes a lot more roles that require him to get nekkid!
slinky49
@Greg Mitchell: Exactly. My first time was with my first lover who had an 11.5″ dick and had never been with a man, either. Exquisite. No Pain. Many painful experiences later in life with insensitive clods only in it for their own gratification. State of mind matters a great deal. People, circumstances and experiences vary…the truth of which should be obvious.