The Onion: Straight Girl And Gay BFF Terroize City

The Onion, our go-to source for news so real it’s fake, had a story that had us chuckling with recognition:

With the intention of letting loose, hitting the town, and maybe even “getting into a little mischief,” Christine Fehrman, 33, and her closest gay friend Paul Daganais, 28, have embarked on yet another one of their special little adventures, sources confirmed Thursday.

The latest in an ongoing series of spirited, anything-goes escapades, the day reportedly began with its usual hour of preparation at Fehrman’s apartment, where the pair cycled through dozens of potential wardrobe combinations, covering the floor with clothing and accessories Daganais emphatically rejected as “not fun enough.”

“After the amazing time we had last weekend eating crostini and browsing through Forever 21 together, I was just counting down the minutes until Paul’s car pulled up and we could do it all over again,” said Fehrman, adding that, as usual, she planned to document every step of the ever-so-precious trip with Instagram. “He’s one of my only guy friends I can just forget about everything and be crazy spontaneous with.”

“One minute we could be eating lobster rolls at a food truck, and the next we’re kicking off our shoes for barefoot cartwheels in the park,” she continued. “You just never know where the day is going to go with Paul.”

According to sources, in what has become a standard ritual during their carefree little excursions, the two got in the mood en route to their first engagement of the day—brunch at a Peruvian café Fehrman saw advertised on Groupon—by rolling down the windows of Daganais’ car and unself-consciously singing along to a playlist that alternated between Adele and Florence + the Machine.

Apparently it wasn’t all fun and games: “Sources estimated that over the six hours they spent together, Daganais playfully called Fehrman a bitch 9 times, while she called him a slut 14 times—a tally believed to be about average for one of their little Saturday to-dos.”

No word yet on whether the feuding friends have reached some kind of détente. We’ll keep you posted.

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  • Mk Ultra

    When I first saw ‘straight girl, gay BFF, the Onion’, I thought it might be a skit ala Josh Weed, thay crazy straight Mormon who tried to convince people a few weeks ago that he was ‘a gay that sucessfully chose the straight lifestyle’

  • Baba Booey

    @Mk Ultra: Oh my. You don’t get out much.

    Great article.

  • Daez

    I really do not understand the fascination with straight female friends that some gay guys tend to have. I have nothing against women, and I have female friends. However, I just do not understand the total fascination thing. I think it boils down to the fact that these women desperately want the guy in question and he gets off on the attention knowing that he is unobtainable.

    However, this is 2012, I would have hoped that we would have surpassed the Will and Grace era by now. This is hardly newsworthy (even for fake news).

  • Cam


    If I promise not to disagree with you for at least 3 posts, can you lighten up and just laugh at a goofy story? I know you can, because, I’ve been told that we gays have wicked sense’s of humor. ;)

  • Ernst

    @Daez: Yeah. That’s exactly what it is. Some desperate narcissistic need for adoration on the part of gay men. It couldn’t possibly be that a gay guy met a straight girl and they got along. You know: A friendship.

  • Ogre Magi

    @Daez: @Daez: I think you are on to something

  • ha

    no such thing as straight women

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