José Benítez the mayor of Huarmey, Peru, is worried that high levels of strontium in his town’s tap water will turn citizens gay by reducing their male hormone production.
The drinking water used in Huarmey comes from Tabalosos, a town which a Lima-based television station once infamously claimed was inhabited by 14,000 gay men. (Sounds like a fun place.)
But silly mayor Benítez should know that too much strontium doesn’t cause lower hormone production—it causes cause bone cancer, anaemia and cardiovascular problems. But of course, he probably doesn’t want to tell that to his constituents.
Besides, everyone knows that drinking soy is what makes people gay.
Image via Greg Riegler Photography