NY Fashion Week

The Top 29 Things Pam Ann Hates About New York Fashion Week

Pam Ann, the saucy stewardess alter-ego of Australian funny girl Caroline Reid. has toured with Cher, crewed a private jet for Elton John, had her own TV show Down Under and  appeared in promotions for Air France, Lufthansa and British Airways, among others.

At a performance at New York’s Triad Theater last week, Pam made a prank call to the Turkish restaurant downstairs, talked Grindr with a pair of Aussie boys, flirted with some Mexican cabin crew and delivered a bottle of bubbly to choreographer Nick Kenkel and his boyfriend.

Like the defunct airline that inspired her name, Pam Ann is known for her eyecatching style. Part mod fashionista, part drag queen, Pam is the perfect insider to give us a unique take on New York Fashion Week, currently sashaying through Lincoln Center.

We asked for ten tips but, in classic, Pam Ann style, she replied with list of more complaints than a passenger flying economy on Southwest Airlines:

The Top 29 Things Pam Ann Hates About New York Fashion Week

1.    The city is full of anorexic super models. Eat something, you’re hungry!

2.    All the wannabe fashionistas trying too hard to be fabulous.  Too many hexagonal hair cuts and horizontal color blocking stripes.

3.    Valentine’s Day and Fashion Week fall at the same time. Not a great city to be in if you’re fat and single.

4.    Karl Lagerfeld called Adele fat.  Shut the fuck up Karl “Bulimia” Lagerfeld—you used to be a big girl once too!

5.    A little bit of bad taste is like a splash of Nicole Richie.

6.    Bejeweled tears on models. Really?

7.    Anna Wintour could do with being double penetrated. It might put a smile on the witch’s face.

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8.    Lara “Gapped-Tooth” Stone, Nigel “Who Cares” Barker, Blake “Why?” Lively and Heidi “Aufwiedersehen” Klum. Yawn!

9.    Mercedes Benz. Remember it was the car Diana died in.

10.  Project Runway’s Gretchen Jones’ show in the dark?  Someone should tell her to turn on the lights and get over herself.

11.  Pretending to celebrate plus-sized models? FUCK OFF!

12.  Lot’s of tilted heads and pretentious air kisses.

13.  Residue of cocaine on every toilet seat at the Boom Boom Room.

14.  Dealers are way too busy.

15.  What’s inside Zoe Kravitz’s closet? Who gives a shit?

16.  Love Brandon Jacobs from the Giants comment on Gisele Bundchen: ‘”Stay cute and shut up.”  Couldn’t have said it better.

17.  Victoria “Bitch stole my look from Roland Mouret” Beckham and her I-hope-she’s- a-porker daughter Harper in matching Mui Mui plaids. Please someone shoot me—or them.

18. Project Runway for creating nauseating people like Christian Siriano.

19. Fashion editors coming up with absurd reasons for trends.

20.  “Maybe there’s some subconscious thing with the troops coming out of Iraq,” said Joanna Coles, editor-in-chief of Marie Claire. “There is a more positive spin on military, much more so than when we saw military after 9/11.”  Next we will be saying the “the wet look” was inspired by Whitney Houston’s death.

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21. Rachel “eating disorder” Zoe’s whiny voice and self-importance. I’m looking forward to her playing E.T. in the 3D remake.

22. Mind numbing fashion tweets: @Brad Goreski: “Feathers at Ralph Lauren,” @Bryan Boy: “Here at phillip lim backstage.” @Roopal Patel: “Rodarte!!!! Inspired by Disney’s Sleeping Beauty.”

23. Brad Goreski Why why WHY are these people given TV shows? Stop it, Bravo! Andy Cohen must be fucking him.

24. 2012 Fashion trends: Romantic silhouettes, tribal prints, military looks with drama. Also, color blocking, leather in spring, bright bold colors paired in unconventional ways. Fark Orf!

25. Dining at Pastis.  I’d rather set myself on fire and run up and down 14th Street than eat there during Fashion Week.

26. The Meatpacking District period. Where’s Al Qaeda when you need them?

27. Reductive is the new black.

28. David Beckham’s underwear. Eeek!

29. Kim Kardashian. Can someone please go over to her house, brick up the windows and turn on the gas? Please? Anyone?


Pam Ann: Around the World runs Thursdays through the end of the month at the Triad Theater.