What issue on fear would be complete without a piece on frightful fashions? Answer: none. To this end, we enlisted the help of our friends over at Gayz of Our Lives to make a top-ten of their sartorial no-no’s.
If you’re guilty of one or more of the offenses listed after the jump, expect to be scoffed at, scorned, and/or spurned at the boys’ next party. Which party? How about their Halloween event at APT on October 31st here in NYC?
Show up wearing crocs and you’re dead.
See what the GOOL-ies have to say for themselves, after the jump.
1. The Fedora: Once every contestant, male and female, on American Idol started wearing them, we knew there was a problem.
2. EdHardy Hats: (pictured) Girl, we won’t eat food that is sold at a fair, so why would you dress like you bought your clothes there!?!?
3: Please, let’s not forget TTSS: Too-Tight Spandex Shirts, courtesy of Bang Bang, you ghetto, tasteless, gay whores.
4. Banana Republic Dress Shirts: How are those “going out” shirts? You might as well put on some Dockers, a frown and a nametag, girl, cause ya look like a prom chaperone.
5. Sports Sandals: (pictured) You can do sneaks or you can do sandals. But don’t do both. Last time we checked mama had the foresight to know whether she was going for a hike or to the showers at Crunch. Listen to us, Boy Scouts, you really don’t need to be ready for anything. (Queerty note: Wearing with socks is extra offensive.)
6. Colored Contacts: because it’s not PC to call anything colored these days.
7. Cowboy Boots: Unless you are literally a cowboy and you have a big bulge, you shouldn’t be caught dead in ‘em.
8. Skechers Footwear: If you’re wearing them then you ARE sketchy. You’re not saving the planet by wearing hybrid, you’re just polluting it with your bad taste. We say drive a hybrid, don’t wear them.
9. Abercrombie: We get it: you wanna look straight. But, don’t you get that you look even more GAY?
10. Crocs: (pictured) Let’s hope a real one bites them off your stank ass feet if you wear ‘em.