double lives

There’s A Perfectly Good Explanation For Why Dead MI6 Spy Had Women’s Clothing + Wigs

Dead MI6 spy and code sleuth Gareth Williams, whose body was found locked inside a duffel bag in his home in September, was totally not gay, insists a childhood sweetheart. Despite all the women’s clothing he owned. And his web browser history that was full of bondage sites? Just a part of his job!

Sian Lloyd-Jones tells the Daily Mail that Williams was training for a new secret identity gig for the past eight months, and that all those (unworn, with the tags still on them) women’s clothes were gifts — for she and Williams’ sister, who was supposed to join him on a trip to Paris two days after he was found dead. Regular gifts of Stella McCartney and Christian Louboutin? What a friend! (The women’s clothes and shoes, insists Lloyd-Jones, wouldn’t fit Williams.) But how to explain his stash of women’s wigs? And his tickets to drag shows? Easy, she says: “He and an American friend were going to a fancy-dress party in October.” They were going to dress as two Japanese superhero cartoon characters; the pink and yellow wigs were merely costumes.

Moreover, all this talk about Williams being gay? Nonsense, says Lloyd-Jones: “I’m not in denial and nor is his mum, dad or sister. It would have been fine if he was [gay].”

Now, about this new job: Aren’t spies supposed to keep even their nearest and dearest in the dark about what they actually do for a living? “He said he was learning his new identity,” says Lloyd-Jones. “In February he said he’d be unavailable for nine days because he was on a training exercise. He’d often go away, so I didn’t think any more about it.” Which is exactly the sort of thing a guy would say when he needs to take a leave of absence to become somebody’s dungeon slave for a week at a time!

Either way, the mysteries surrounding Williams’ dead body — found at his Central London home, which was a MI6 safe house — remain unresolved. Particularly the magic trick he evidently pulled by locking himself inside a North Face bag without the assistance of another person. It’s time to find the bondage website that gave shitty instructions on escaping.