Age is just a number… or is it?
A new survey conducted by Gay Star News that found that a whole lot of people are lying about their age on dating apps.
Over 3,000 people participated in the survey, which was conducted earlier this month. One if four respondents admitted they had lied about their age at least once while chatting with a potential new hookup.
Related: Can you be “too old” for Grindr?
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Among those people who say they’ve been dishonest on their quests to get laid:
- 12% never or rarely lie about their age.
- 13% sometimes or often lie.
- 35% always lie.
When it comes to going on dates, the numbers aren’t terribly different:
- 6% never or rarely lie about their age.
- 10.5% sometimes or often lie.
- 39% always lie.
So why all the lying?
The answer is pretty simple: Agism.
When asked about agism, 60% of respondents said their experience of dating was “totally” ageist, compared to 16% who said the scene was a “little” ageist, and 6% who said it was “maybe” ageist.
Related: Guys “of a certain age” talk agism and why men only get better with time
Many respondents also expressed fear about getting older. 31% said they were terrified about losing their looks, while 42% said they worried about losing their partner or loved ones.
Have you ever lied about your age on a dating app? Take our poll below.
Creamsicle
I have never lied about my age on hookup apps or dating sites, but I have chosen not to display my age at times. I was always honest when asked about it, though.
On the other hand, I started using grindr when I was 27, so I didn’t really have the age related concerns like ageism or larger concerns over my looks changing. I can see how lying about your age might have some appeal at that point.
If you can lie about your age and successfully pass younger, it might feel like an accomplishment of sorts and confirm that you’re still as young as you feel.
I’m guessing the queerty poll will skew toward never lying about age, because of the average age of users and because hardly anyone is going to sit to lying about their age after reading something like this.
Vince
Yeah, i read the poll and immediately thought most were lying. However, Queerty skews younger so your explanation makes more sense. Most are still under the 40 cut off. Lol
Vince
lying about your age is akin to rolling the odometer back in your car. Both acts are about trying to up the value of the item being marketed.
tham
Funny, I remember back in college when I was 21. I was at a bar talking to this guy, turns out, he was a Gard student…so I ask him his age and when he said 23, I thought “OMG he’s sooooo old”.
The human brain is quite stupid at times, so of course it makes sense that people lie about their age…they have to compensate for the stupidity of the human brain.
winemaker
Ageism sucks! It seems that in the gay community, anyone over 40 is ‘over the hill’. Sad to say it also seems that gay men in particular think that life is forever young. Just look at the proliferatuion of gyms of which most are gay as well as all the ads promoting cosmetic surgery etc are targeted to gay men. Vanity is big business. In San Francisco where I live, it seems the gay guys seem to think that guys over 40 aren’t worth their time getting to know, sad for them. There’s certain things you can learn only having to go through them, i’ts called life and the college of hard knocks! As for lying about your age on dating sites, I don’t mention my age as i feel it’s like my income, none of your business, at least until we meet and we take it from there. I’ve nothing to hide but again i feel this is personal information and I don’t discuss these aspects of my life with just anyone, and I’m sure a lot of other men feel the same. I’m lucky i don’t look my chronological age and it’s through taking care of myself, going to the gym, eatng right although i have a glass of vino with my dinner occasionally. I don’t smoke or use recreational drugs and if i do say so myself, ‘lookin’ good’. Over time, i’ve had to deal with many issues, weight being a major one and after sustaining and maintaining a weight loss of almost 200 lbs. I’ve found men who reject you or dismiss you because you might not be slender enough or you don’t have a beard, or your butt’s not just qite right or whatever the curent fetish or trend is in vogue, aren’t worth your time. Too damned many shallow and superficial men. In the long run many gay guys lament, ‘why can’t i find a quality boyfriend? Many times he’s been right under your nose!
winemaker
Ageism sucks! It seems that in the gay community, anyone over 40 is ‘over the hill’. Sad to say it also seems that gay men in particular think that life is forever young. Just look at the proliferation of gyms of which many if not most are gay as well as all the ads promoting cosmetic surgery etc. are targeted to gay men. Vanity is big business. In San Francisco where I live, it seems the gay guys seem to think that guys over 40 aren’t worth their time getting to know, sad for them. There’s certain things you can learn only having to go through them, i’ts called life and the college of hard knocks! As for lying about your age on dating sites, I don’t mention my age as i feel it’s like my income, none of your business, at least until we meet and we take it from there. I’ve nothing to hide but again i feel this is personal information and I don’t discuss these personal aspects of my life with just anyone, and I’m sure a lot of other men feel the same. I’m lucky i don’t look my chronological age and it’s through taking care of myself, going to the gym, eating right although i have a glass of vino with my dinner occasionally. I don’t smoke or use recreational drugs and if i do say so myself, ‘lookin’ good’. Over time, i’ve had to deal with many issues, weight being a major one and after sustaining and maintaining a weight loss of almost 200 lbs. I’ve found men who reject you or dismiss you because you might not be ‘their type’, whatever that means at the time, slender enough or you don’t have a beard, or your butt’s not just qite right or whatever the curent fetish or trend in vogue is, have issues that’re their alone, aren’t worth your time. Too damned many shallow and superficial men. In the long run many gay guys lament, ‘why can’t I find a quality boyfriend? Many times he’s been right under your nose!
An addendum to my post above: In San Francisco where i love it seems the gay men here can be very rude, nasty and dismissive when it comes to age and appearance. Awhile back i overheard a conversation between a gouple of gay guys and it went something like this; one of them commented on another man who was walking nearby and his dining partner made the snide comment, ‘he’s too fat and bald’. I looked at the man they were referring to and thought this guy must be blind or something as he wasn’t fat yet had a very short haircut and i thought he was nice looking. The conversation continued with the diaparging and rude comments. The first guy who made the original comment said something, like I’m only into gym rats etc, blondes or whatever. The thing about it, this guy evidently thought he wes ‘the total package even though he wasn’t well dressed, he didn’t look particularly fit or take god care of himself yet he damanded these requirements of other men and obviously before he ever met them and had an actual conversation with them. The reality, these guys are likely to have such high and impossibnle standards and will end up being alone for life, sad!
toddlicious
I know a very attractive 33 yo who says he lies and says he’s 27 because “after 30 you’re dead to the gaydating world.”
Well, at 47, I’m a freaking zombie then.
Chrisk
In your freinds mind the gay dating world means anyone under 30. I assume he’s not interested in anyone over 30 himself.
dean089
Ageism isn’t exclusive to gay people but I wouldn’t be surprised if it has a higher prevalence (has anyone done an actual study? Anyone qualified, that is, not a poll on a website). What I find hilarious is when I see guys at the bar who thirty years ago thought they were hot shit just sitting there looking very old and tired, probably wondering what happened. We were all 20 once, and those who are 20 now won’t be forever. Unless, of course, you adhere to the saying ‘Die young, stay pretty.’
Jack Meoff
This is no great revelation guys have been shaving 4 or 5 years of their ages for decades on these sites. The worst part is when some 60 year old tries to pass himself off as 45. If you are going to lie about your age at least tell a plausible lie.
Me2
Most gay men between 25 and 48 all look like they could be in the same age group anyway.
Chrisk
I think you’re right. 40s were nothing. Just a continuation of the 30s. 50 is generally considered the age when you start noticing things irregardless of the abuse you put on your body. It’s kind of when the shit starts to catch up to you. Of coarse that will effect your looks as well.
Franklin
It seems to me that ageism and racial preferences in the gay community share similarities in that they are usually both based on generalizations made about the group of people they are base on. I think that realization has an influence on why some men’s preferences open up a bit as they age.
1898
it’s always obvious when guys are lying about their age, and i avoid guys like that at all costs. if they would lie about something as silly as that, what else are they lying about? when i see a guy who clearly looks like he’s in his 50s, and his profile says he’s 39, my immediate reaction is “either he’s a bald faced liar or he’s had a very rough 39 years!”
and when guys don’t display their age in their profile, that’s a red flag too. if the guy is visibly young, i assume he’s underage.
just be honest! how hard is that? the truth always comes out eventually