There’s Nothing Gay About Competitive Men’s Tickling, Right? Right?!

You just couldn’t make this up.

After stumbling upon a bizarre “competitive endurance tickling” video online, wherein young men are paid to be tied up and tickled, reporter David Farrier reached out to request a story from the company.

In a Facebook message, he wrote, “Hi there — is anyone on here that’s competed a New Zealander? I want to talk to you. DM me please.”

Here is the response he got:

It reads, “So far, about 5 New Zealanders have participated. But, to be brutally frank, association with a homosexual journalist is not something that I will embrace. We desperately do not want a homosexual participant base applying for this project. My concern is that your “journalistic style, reputation, and fan base” in your own country [sic]. This is offered in earnest and strictly professional.”

What could possibly seem gay about it, we wonder?

The bizarre response was enough for Farrier’s journalistic spidey sense to start tingling, and what was intended to be an off-beat profile piece wound up with more nefarious twists and turns than an episode of Scandal.

Now he’s turned it into a documentary (opening Friday June 17), which we could try to explain, but really you should just watch the trailer and marvel at the strange things that happen in this world every day. But we will give a special shoutout to the poetic perfection of the line, “This tickling wormhole was getting deeper.”

Watch below: