We wouldn’t want to relive our fumbling, inexperienced days for any amount of money.
But they are the hoops we all must jump through to evolve — as people, and more specifically, as queer people.
Even in today’s accepting culture, we still have to go off-roading from some societal norms to figure out our way in the world, and maybe that’s not such a bad thing.
For these guys on Whisper, there is still much road to travel:
Phil Krulic
“Have a Lot to Learn?” You make it sound like being a virgin is a bad thing. I see a bunch of guys respecting their bodies and not giving into societal pressure.
Josh447
“I’m a gay virgin and it sucks how guys get turned off by that”
Oh reeeeally . . .
“I’ll get you my little pretty. And that goes for your little dog too!”
Dave Downunder
That whole thing about being afraid to have anal sex for fear it will hurt sums up my experience to a tee. I eventually got over it but felt like I wasted a lot of years because of it. To have someone to talk to about it would have been such a help at the time.
Jon Mackey
What’s wrong with saving yourself for the right guy I am 29 and still a virgin.
Johnny Grady Jr
people choose to have sex for many different reasons…having sex doesn’t help you figure out the world
Lvng1Tor
Happens for everyone in their own time when they are ready…gay or not most virgins feel the same as these guys…
robho3
These whisper things are so stupid!
Glücklich
Really? I took right to it. Still not into getting fucked, though. Does zilch for me.
crowebobby
Can we just have the photos without all the crap scribbled on them.
TrueWords
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PucO0w-HU70
John Mac Farlane
What alot of hogwash
Glücklich
@TrueWords:
AWE.SOME.
@Giancarlo85:
Would be nice if there was some realistic useful advice Queerty could figure out how to tie into with some revenue-generating partners.
Like,
“So you want to run away from home. Here’s how to do it without winding up homeless.”
“So you’re turning 30. It’s not too late or early to start saving for retirement.”
“Fresh out of the closet? Ways to make the most of your semester abroad/gap year.”
“Can’t/won’t move home after college? How to find and be an ideal roommate.”
“Cities off the gaydar with the most bang for your buck and job prospects.”
McShane
Goran Višnji? is so fine, I always forget that he was in ER.
McShane
@McShane: JESUS! Goran Visnjic.
Giancarlo85
@Glücklich: What are you thinking?
Whisper is the only way lol.
gaym50ish
I can understand all of these feelings except for the guy who already has a boyfriend (“My boyfriend keeps making advances…”)
I don’t think the guy is going to be his boyfriend for very long if he’s not wanting to do anything sexual. It doesn’t mean you have to do everything all at once — just take it slow, meaning a handjob, a little oral even if it’s one-way, etc. Other satisfying sex practices will come naturally as the relationship progresses.
As for the people who want to bottom but are afraid it will hurt, how about a little “training” first, with a butt plug, dildo, etc.? Then, when someone you really want to do it with comes along, you’ll be ready.
Bauhaus
“A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.”
– Mae West
martinbakman
@TrueWords: Words to live by. 🙂
Glücklich
@Bauhaus:
Unless she likes that sort of thing.
Michiel Naude
If they are gay at all…
Brandon Humphries
I’m not a virgin and they all bring up legit concerns. Such dismissive click bait.
Bauhaus
@Glücklich:
Only so often.
moldisdelicious
There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. However, one BIG rule of thumb is that nothing can prepare you for sex, love, a relationship or anything. Of course, there’s the precautions such as getting tested, wearing condoms, finding someone you’re compatible with sexually and romantically but if you think that you will know what the outcome is when it comes down to it, you will not know until you do it.
Brian
The problem that a lot of these guys have is that they identify as gay. It might help in the short term and enable you to become assertive, however in the long term there is a drawback to it.
When you identify as gay, you put yourself into a lifestyle and frame of mind that will assist you for about 10 years. After that, it’s almost useless – much like sour milk.
Giancarlo85
@Brian: Um, guys don’t “identify” (choose) to be gay. Maybe you need to get your head in the present and not the 1950s. There is no such thing as “gay identifying”. I’ve already went over this for you, peanut. I know it’s a difficult concept to grasp.
Juanjo
@Brian: Really Brian? I have been gay since I was age 13 and I am now almost age 63. I don’t get your comment at all. I have friends, I have a man I have been with since 1989 and I have a quite fulfilling life not a life style whatever the devil that is.
Gartholomew Nichols
I never can say I saved myself for the right guy but to shame people for being nervous about sex or wanting to save themselves by saying “they have a lot to learn” is quite frankly embarassing. But to play Devils advocate I find alot of these Whispers to be pretty phony and pandering so make of it what you will.
Glücklich
@Giancarlo85:
maybe he needs to get his head in the oven
Glücklich
@Glücklich:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJcqFxS3Ybk
Mr.Tim
Before you feel sorry for or judge any of these guys, ask yourself “What do they mean by virgin?” I know a couple who have been together for 42 years and neither of them have ever had anal sex with anyone. Does that make them virgins? I had a boyfriend who considered himself a virgin simply because he had only topped before we met. What some call sex others call “hooking up”. So the definitions of sex and virgin, and even gay, remain fluid in conversation if not in the dictionary.
Avery Alvarez
Everybody’s first time is different, but the expectations and fears definitely seem the same.
Louie Mars
Gay virgin?!
Charlie Daniel Robbins
Yawn
Paul - Canada
These are just excuses to cover up for very valid anxieties. After all, it’s an unknown territory of life with unwritten rules.
And it’s no wonder virgins feel anxious:
* We hear a lot about sex gone bad, but no one ever declares how good their sex went.
* Society only wants to date monogamy – anything else renders you a “slut”.
* Most young gay men are obsessed with body image.
* If you are a young gay man, whenever the subject of dating comes up, some do-gooder is sure to point out: how rampant STI’s are OR how you have to be careful OR making sure you use condoms. As if we’re STI breeding machines… _thanks!_
* IMO, most gay men are not friendly in bars. Because of their anxieties. Not exactly a place that promotes self-confidence.
Sex is pretty much the most physically intimate thing you can do with someone else. That requires putting a lot of trust into your partner(s), however you have to be comfortable in yourself to allow someone in mentally (as well as physically 😉 ). Sex is a normal healthy social function – much like chatting, kissing, masturbating, etc. It’s there for us to be enjoyed, it’s a natural wonder of nature. There is a first time for everything, however for some reason we obsess over our first time having sex. I say: Don’t. It’s not as big a deal as people make out. Just go enjoy!
Markajv
HAHA, These are a joke right? They have to be. “I am very hairy bodied and it makes me feel ugly, I shave but it only lasts a day” What are you? Whose hair all grows back in a day? Why are you shaving your body hair? Because almost every picture of a half naked gay guy, or the guys in porn you watch looks like a dolphin? And since that’s the stereotype the Gay Community send out you feel you need to look like that to be attractive? I hope not because you are in for a rude awakening. You’ll be rejected more for other things than body hair. Fags are fickle) Umm There are Millions of dudes who like hairy bods. ) I can’t take this seriously at all.
Giancarlo85
Somebodys body hair grows back a day after they shave it? That sounds physically impossible. I can’t stand body hair, but that makes these quotes even less believable.
Daniel-Reader
Just travel to a country – specifically one where escorting is legal – and have a “boyfriend experience” with a good natured fella. Straight guys have done that with girls forever when they are nervous and want an experience to be more thoughtful with someone they can talk to about anything regarding sex.
Alà Dazz
Yea stay virgins , life’s greater that way
Phillip Bernal
Everyone had their own fucking timetable when it comes to their own bodies… Do it when it feels RIGHT! and not a second before..
NoCagada
@Jon Mackey: Nothing wrong with it.
NoCagada
@Brian: ” it’s almost useless – much like sour milk.”
Judging by your posts, that’s a great description of you. The difference being that, if you know anything about cooking (and you don’t seem to know much about anything), there are several uses for sour milk.
Aromaeus
Virginity isn’t real. You are just someone who hasn’t had sex yet. You don’t lose anything. This is a concept that needs to die like yesterday.
dpk199625
Sex can wait, masturbate…lol. I was almost 28 before I messed around with a guy. I always imagined the real thing would be awesome, but personally I found it underwhelming and over rated. I find a nice long solo internet porn session more relaxing and fulfilling. I’ve talked with other gay and straight guys about this, but no one seems to agree me that J/O is more fun. I wonder if I am the only one that thinks this way???
Markajv
@dpk199625: You are just fine. I identified as straight all through High School. Afterwards I started hittin the town with friends and going to Gay Bars so I started identifying as bi/gay but the sexual part of it wasn’t that satisfying to me,(Either was the hypocritical Gay Community….Pfff!) Took me a long time to learn. I am attracted to Men and Women. I have not had sex with either one in close to 13 yrs or so. Though I was asexual, but you have to be sexually tuned on by that definition so I just decided I am just Me. Whatever get’s me off when I am horny (Gay, Straight, Bi porn) does it’s job. I turn it off. I don’t get involved in the idiocy and drama of the porn lifestyle (As if these people are stars) and I am much happier that way. Told all my family and friends and guess what. Never mattered what my sexuality was to any of them That wasn’t defining me. They all still love and support me for me.
Ty Halen
Good job shaming these guys for admitting something very deep and personal. Disgusting
ryantbo
when the very 1st pic is actor Gorin Visnic and is a shot from the show ER – it makes me totally doubt everything else
Chris
Personally, I had many of these thoughts and worries when I was (much!) younger; until one night, I just went for it. The person who looked at me in the mirror the next morning asked me what I had been waiting for all that time.
If I had any advice to the “real” virgins who posted online, it would be to find someone who you can discuss these things with. They’re called friends.
Jeff Eiselman
Who dreams this sh*t up?
moldisdelicious
The sad thing about this article as well as the responses is that you have folks that are basically mad and jealous of other people having hope of finding love and being happy. I often notice the guys who are minimizing the value of sex are the guys who have been hurt.to the point where they have no hope and expect a certain outcome.
Markajv
@moldisdelicious: The sad thing about this article, especially the fact that these aren’t real “Whispers” (You can search the app) Is that it’s making “Being a Virgin” something to be ashamed of. I never went through any of what is written here, but maybe that’s because I was sleeping with women but even the first time I did with a guy I wasn’t making my brain a jumble of nerves. It’s a natural act. Let it happen. Everyone has that “Moment” of awkwardness. It’s the same as riding a bike, or skiing for the first time. You may stumble and fall but you will get right back up and be ok.
Markajv
@Jeff Eiselman: Lunatics?
moldisdelicious
@Markajv:
Think the point that the whispers are centered around is love. Basically doing it with someone that you feel comfortable with that will make it pleasant. Not just sex. These guys more than likely haven’t done anything with anybody so it’s a big deal to them which it should be.
I think that way too many of us devalue sex and love where we simply become desensitized and give it away too freely where we end up never being satisfied or settling down.
Markajv
@moldisdelicious: Welcome to the GAY world. Guys are horn dogs. When you are 18 all you want is this perfect notion of finding the right person and being in a committed relationship then WHAM! reality hits and your LOVE cheats on you, then so does the next one….Those guys in the clubs that spend all day in the gym so they can dance with half their bodies unclothed are not looking for love. And again. These Whispers are NOT FROM REAL GUYS. Try typing anything that is up there into Whisper and see what pictures come up. I reiterate to the young gay virgins that might be reading this:
“It’s a natural act. Let it happen. Everyone has that “Moment” of awkwardness. It’s the same as riding a bike, or skiing for the first time. You may stumble and fall but you will get right back up and be ok.”
Marky
These guys have been listening to too many teenage girls.
tusgold
GAVE HEAD AT 17 BOTTMOED AT 24