Among all of life’s inequalities, it’s possible to dream up the type of person facing the most handicaps in just getting through the day: a blind, gay, paraplegic American Indian with a speech impediment and diabetes probably has it real bad. But we’ve never met a blind, gay, paraplegic American Indian with a speech impediment and diabetes. Nor have we met Eva Sweeney, but she’s a real person. Who happens to be a butch dyke. And looks like “a ten-year-old boy.” And has cerebral palsy. Which means she relies on a wheelchair. And speaks via a letter board. But jeez, don’t feel bad for her. Just don’t ask her stupid questions.
“People with disabilities have a hard enough time getting people to accept that they have sexual identities (whether straight, gay, or somewhere in between),” writes Eva. “If you throw in an atypical gender identity, people can’t understand how people with disabilities can have complex identities. Queer people have to come out all the time to family, friends, co-workers, and confused strangers, and it’s really tiring. I have to come out four-fold. I have to come out as a female, as an intelligent adult, as a queer person, and as a butch dyke.”
Talk about annoying. But hey, at least when she meets someone new, there are plenty of ice breakers, right? “When I tell people I’m queer (and I don’t roll around shouting it out to anyone who will hear) I get a lot of TMI (Too Much Information) questions. My favorite question is, ‘So when was the last time you had sex?’ That question, by the way, was from someone I had met about three minutes earlier. Usually the questions I get are ‘how do you do it’ questions. I understand that people are curious, but would you ask someone you just met detailed questions about their sex life? Questions (if they are phrased in a respectful and sincere way) are great. I am happy to answer almost any question (although clearly I don’t speak for every person with a disability). After people are done grilling me about sex, the conversation turns toward my butchness.”
As in, how can you be a lesbian if you wear all those androgynous/butch clothes?
How about we take this to the next level?
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What Eva sees as one of the biggest challenges in getting other people to identify with her is a lack of representation in the media. Sure, she represents a very niche market: queer, physically disabled, and speech impaired. And sitcom writers might not be dreaming up such a television character anytime soon.
But if you combine all the characters of Glee? Well, you just might get one worthwhile composite.
Mr. Enemabag Jones
Good post.
I know disabled queers exist, I’ve heard stories of them. But I’ve never met one–no paraplegics; no blind, or deaf GLBT’s. So who’s fault is that; ours, their’s or the medias? It’s hard enough for able-bodied queers to come out and interact with other queers, especially if we are fat, or too short, or the wrong color, or are saddled with any other difference that makes us unlike the stereotypes we see daily. How hard must it be for the disabled among us to interact within our community?
Here’s an interesting article I read years ago:
http://www.chanton.com/blindandgay.html
It sheads some light on what many who are disabled and queer must fight against, just to feel a part of the community.
carsen Tyler
I read her post on LGBT_disabled on LiveJournal, and her videos are pretty awesome.
delurker
@Mr. Enemabag Jones: Right, I imagine the isolation is worse for the disabled in the gay male community which demanding of physical perfection to the point of obsession and mania. Any sign of physical imperfection, let alone a disability can have one running for hills.
Oh-So-Very
This is a great post!
Contrary to popular belief gay cripples do in fact exist. We don’t get much attention and very little respect. Queers ostracize us and cripples ostracize us and no one likes to acknowledge our existence.
The questions are almost always stupid and invasive, when I get questions like that I generally flip them off.
gay-that's-completely-complete-in-all-aspects
this is a subject that needs ‘reporting’ in a ‘sustainable’ & ‘confluent’ manner that i suspect queerty is unable of (above), less alone those who comment (above).
few seem to distinguish between hairy/smooth, fit/fugly, tattoed/or not, without getting into a dry argument of percieved ‘norms’ within an illiterate & somewhat media orientated – in the general sense – i.e. porn – ‘community’.
it’s incredulous in approx. 50 years of being legal (in the UK – with marriage – potentially between cripples), that a gay site yet again throws up someone who deserves decent comment rather than ridicule.
i had the experience of viewing a lesbian being taken into a club firstly by the tradesmen’s entrance i.e. it had a ramp & having to be taken to the club (downstairs) where she was promptly ignored as an inconvenience as it was a small space.
i notice your commenters don’t have to post pics unlike other sites – i think you shoud start.
Sean
I like this article, I myself am a gay male with a physical disability, I have not met anyone else who is gay and disabled. @delurker is right, it is such a pain to find a good guy with a physical disability. Just because I have a prosthetic does not mean my penis/ass is broke! Luckily I have an amazing guy who loves me for me, and even has come to love my shorter leg, and it’s become fetish, kinda. Thanks again!
delurker
@gay-that’s-completely-complete-in-all-aspects: who ridiculed her?
Daniel
Volunteer at your gay community center and you will have the good fortune to meet a wider variety of GLBT people.
HiredGoons
In all fairness, I would ask someone I met three minutes ago intimate details from their sex life.
But I see where you’re coming from.
Addyboo
What a cool article. I’m a gay disabled guy. It is certainly an interesting life. I think a lot of people are wary of us, but we are tremendous in the sack!
Mr.Jones
She has more balls than Matt Bomer, Anderson Cooper, Tom Cruise, Ricky Martin and all of Hollywood’s big closet.
JamesReno
About 25 years ago I used to go to this gay club in Columbia S.C. that was in an old warehouse, huge. One of the guys that worked the door was in a wheelchair and very good looking. I thought about approching him but never did. Shame on me! Especially if ADDYBOO is correct. LOL
TikiHead
Ah, I was totally head over heels for a guy with CP, but alas, did not work out.
TikiHead
@Addyboo: Your Myspace background almost made me hurl! :-O~~~~~~
(Although you are cute)
alynna
The term “wheelchair-bound” is outdated and offensive, as is the phrase “confined to a wheelchair”. “Person who uses a wheelchair” or “wheelchair user” are more appropriate. Wheelchairs aren’t for confinement or bondage (unless you’re into that sort of thing). They’re for mobility.
lifeofthedifferentlyabled
a fancinating read thank you – my differently friend i would like to invie you to come check out my blog!
eagledancer
I’m an American Indian who is visually impaired. Next month I go through both cataract and glaucoma operations. At one point I worked with the Deaf Theater project at a college in Seattle. The director and some of the actors were gay and deaf. Because of my involvement, I went on to work with adult deaf and deaf blind camps. I could see some of the challenges of gay deaf people faced, having communication problems with gay men who don’t know American Sign Language.