Handball is illegal in soccer, and yet countless fans have still groped the crotch of the statue of Portuguese footballer Cristiano Ronaldo in Funchal, Portugal.
Related: Male fan storms the field to make out with Cristiano Ronaldo
Instagram evidence reveals that in the years since the statue was erected, the hands of horny devotees have polished the statue’s bulge — or, as Jezebel puts it, its “prominent bronze wang.”
Ronaldo and his son were on hand when the 11-foot statue, sculpted by Ricardo Madeira Veloso, was unveiled in 2014. “This is a very special moment, to have a statue of me,” the football star said at the event.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
The endowment caused quite a stir at the time, with Cosmopolitan noting, “In what is either a really weird oversight or a GREAT joke, the statue has a massive penis bulge.”
And The Washington Post was just as agog, raving, “You have to see the new, um, flattering statue of Cristiano Ronaldo.”
Related: What happens when Cristiano Ronaldo is locked out of his hotel in his boxer-briefs?
Funnily enough, the statue wasn’t the first time an artist has paid special attention to the athlete’s package. Cake decorators sculpted his bulge out of frosting in 2014 to celebrate the one-year anniversary of Ronald’s underwear line, CR7.
So happy to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of my #CR7Underwear this weekend! pic.twitter.com/MCIly6SNIz
— Cristiano Ronaldo (@Cristiano) November 3, 2014
Meanwhile, we have unconfirmed reports that rubbing the crotch of the Funchal statue bestows the admirer with good luck.
Vince
Girl I believe it. Rubbing a big dick has always brought me good luck. 🙂
Adelin
Hah, you can immediately see why he is loved
Hussain-TheCanadian
Dayum Cristiano your eyes, that playful smile….fck marry me!
scotshot
C.R. eats himself. Multi talented.
Billy Budd
He is most definitely gay (his sons were artificially inseminated). And hot. And rich. And looks like an improved Ken Doll.
DarkZephyr
Do you mean that his sons were the product of artificial insemination?
Billy Budd
Yes, Zephyr.
Robothedestroyer
That’s the best typo ever xD
Bob
I’d like to watch a TV show featuring his sons being artificially inseminated.. :>:>:>
ShowMeGuy
Cristiano Ronaldo owes *Love, Simon* a huge “thank you”. Because of that movie, I finally know who Cristiano Ronaldo is.