how to handle

This Gay High Schooler Doesn’t Want His Ex-Girlfriend To Hear He’s Gay From Someone Else. What To Do?

For every teen who shares his or her story about growing up gay, or coming out in school, there are hundreds we’ll never hear from. Or about. These kids may turn out wonderfully. They may end up closeted their whole lives. So every so often, I like sharing stories that might not otherwise be told, because even I’m From Driftwood can’t share all these tales. Like this one from Reddit user mysteriouslichen, to which many of us can relate.

I’m a senior (male) in high school. Since seventh grade, I thought I was bisexual. I was sexually attracted to men, but I wanted a relationship with a woman. Sex with girls (everything except intercourse) was also fun, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t as enjoyable as it was supposed to be. I had a few relationships, still maintaining (internally only) that I was bisexual, so to the rest of the world I was straight. I dated a girl junior year, and we got physical, which was generally enjoyable but I knew it wasn’t… right. We broke up when she went to college. After that (and towards the end of the relationship) I realized that I definitely could not carry on a relationship with a woman for the rest of my life, and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I felt terrible, and to make it worse, her best friend tried to out me and expel me from the friend group while we were still dating. It was awful, but my best friends and girlfriend defended me, insisting I wasn’t gay and that we had a great relationship (it was so ingrained in my mind that I agreed with them).

I came out to my best friend and a few other people around Thanksgiving. My family doesn’t know (I live with them, and there’s really not much of a point in telling them now. I’m leaving in six months). Anyways, today at school someone told someone else… blah blah. It hurts having my trust betrayed, and even worse when the people don’t even understand that they did anything wrong. It won’t get to my parents or anything, mostly I’m worried about it getting to my ex-girlfriend. I don’t want her to think I was using her the whole time, I always treated her great and truly loved her.

I can pass as straight pretty easily, but I’m not going to deny it if anyone ever asks me. Most people have no idea when I tell them. I guess it comes with five years of practice. I plan to tell my parents after graduation (I’m pretty sure they won’t be disgusted). My question is, how should I handle the situation with my ex? It will only be a short matter of time before she hears from someone, but I would prefer it to be me.

As ABC always asks, what would you do?