Q: Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
A: Fo Drizzle
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Q: What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
A: Their middle names.
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A seal walks into a club…
Who Needs A Laugh?
Three Terribly Funny Jokes
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IDNY
That was HI-larious!
CHURCHILL-Y
A *baby* seal walks into a club…
Jaroslaw
How can you tell the third joke about the seal and have that adorable photo of an adorable baby seal looking up through the ice? Clubbing seals is no joke in my book, ever.
michael
I am with ya Jaroslaw, nothing funny about that at all.
parisinla
oh you hipies…
okay hes cute ::tear::
Chrris
The hugely unfunny, insensitive, heteronormative kind of “humor” of your seal “joke” is the kind of thing that makes me stop visiting a site. Deleting the bookmark now. You’re not fit to use the word Queer. Get out.
key
Very poor taste.
Bean
Wow, commenters. That’s beyond thin-skinned. How do you manage to walk around without all your internal organs falling out?
Kid A
So what kind of jokes DO you people like? You know, ones that aren’t heteronormative?
emb
Bean, I’m baffled too. If maybe we all spent a little less time worried about how we might be offended or distressed in some way, like swooning Victorian ladies (yeah, yeah, now I’m gonna get it from the 19th Century Lesbians Guild or something), maybe we might be able to focus on actual social and political solutions for the real problems we face (which do not include immature, adolescent — if, I think, funny — jokes on a website).
michael
These animals are BEATEN to death by being clubbed in the head.
If you find a person who has problems with this “thin skinned” then let me tell you a joke about the fagg that was beaten to death in Stanley Park in Vancouver by 6 men with baseball bats a few years ago.
Maybe we can start it like this “A fagg in Vancouver walks into a club in Stanley Park………………….
When a society becomes so cold and insensitive that the brutal murders of any of Gods creatures becomes something to joke about then there is a problem. I can say one thing since visiting Queerty, I had no idea that their were Gay people who the only difference between them and a Nazi was the fact they suck cock.
Its frightening to think how many unenlightened Gay people their are. And Queerty, your no class act by resorting to this humor.
Jaroslaw
I suggest some of you folks that are so hip and cool check out how most meat is produced – ie the factory farm. Animals never leave the building, they never breathe fresh air, often they can’t even turn around. They way they are treated, killed and processed is an abomination.
Does anyone think animals can’t feel pain, have rudimentary emotions (at the very least)? You wouldn’t DREAM of treating your cat or dog the way most meat animals are treated. And because they are meat animals, they are exempt from all cruelty laws.
Finally, almost all animals, even chickens, have social structures and communal behaviors for relating to each other. Where do you think the term “pecking order” came from? Chickens. They are not mindless meat “machines.”
And if you think I’m too sensitive to their plight and just a pile of liberal mush, be selfish. Factory farms and processing plants are hideous to their workers, the communities where they are located – they overuse antiobiotic which leads to superbugs and super diseases which cannot be treated, manure pits leak into the water YOU drink….. etc.
Mark
Oh, please people. If we didn’t need ‘meat animals’ there wouldn’t be any being bred to begin with. Thus less chickens.
marcus
There are a lot of people in the world that are unable to empathize with the pain or feelings of other creatures. Its a form of selfishness and narcissism and from those insensitivities spring forth the worlds problems. A very wise person once told me that as long as women were being raped and abused that no woman on earth would be completely happy. No child would ever be completely carefree as long as there were children in the world that were hungry and without parents. Until we rise above our own selfish needs and desires and strive for a world where all living things are treated with respect and dignity, including the animals that we eat, then this world will never really know the peace that we all seek.
ger
How dare you equate an innocent muppety frog and a violent war-monger.
Sorry, these comments cracked me up.
troy
This site is about homos. And homos don’t give a shit about anything but themselves. I mean Jesus fucking Christ, how can you spend time worrying about the plight of defenseless creatures when you could be planning your fall wardrobe, or working on your pecs. or planning for your next circuit event? God people expect us to make the world a better place by coming up with new hair styles and decorating trends, not by being concerned with shit like animal welfare. There is no place in for the concerns of others when your so vapid and shallow. I mean, just ask Pamela Anderson.
Willie Hewes
Wow.
At least some of you guys are being sarcastic, right? Chrris? Michael? C’mon, at least SOME of you got to be joking.
Yes, people, the world is a horrible and cruel place, and people and animals suffer terribly every day. Welcome to the desert of the real. So does that mean none of us can ever lauch and we all have to walk around with our heads bowed, ashamed we are a member of the most destructive species on earth? That would help a great deal, wouldn’t it?
The joke did not advocate violence to baby seals, it’s just a stupid pun. Humour is one of the ways people cope with the cruelty and horror of everyday life, you’d think intelligent, sensitive, educated folks like you hippies would know that.
Jaroslaw
Willie – There is a difference between a holier-than-thou, never can joke about anything attitude and being callous and insensitive. I feel this joke is callous. This hardly means I’m unintellgent or a hippie because I disagree with you.
Yes, humour can be used to deal with the “cruelty and horror” of everyday life but jokes like the seal walking into a club dismiss and obscure the point. IE, if you can make fun of it, we don’t have to really address the problem. It is much like straight people dismissing us. “Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve” might be a nice sound bite but it doesn’t require any thinking and plays into preconceived prejudices.
There is no reason on earth to club defenseless baby seals to death and everytime legislation is introduced to ban this, even “enlightened countries” like Canada are apparently overruled by corporate money.
I’m rushing off to work and I’m not wording this exactly like I want but I hope the sentiment comes through. This is just not funny.
ksu499
The seal thing was the only one that really made me laugh. Good work.
Jaroslaw
One more thing – A famous Russian author was vegetarian (Solzenietsen?) and his father-in-law came for dinner. He didn’t want any of vegetarian slop for dinner so the next morning he came to the table and the chicken was tied to his chair and there was a knife in the seat. He asked what is this? The answer was you want meat, kill the chicken yourself.
How many of us can do that? I just watched Fast Food Nation last night. Watching what happens to the poor cows is VERY VERY VERY different than talking about it here on a post. The cruelty is absolutely sickening.
So again, Willie, KSU, Bean – go to the slaughterhouses and factory farms, go to a seal clubbing, do it yourself, get your hands dirty and then tell me about how funny this is.
IDNY
Wow! You people need to get a fucking life and a sense of humor. Taking 3 crappy jokes and turning it into this huge discussion on animal rights and cruelty bla bla bla. There FUCKING JOKES! And a lame ones at that. Get over yourselves and relax middle America. No one is condoning seal clubbing; however they do make the most comfortable slippers you have ever stuck feet into. woo wee!
If you think its in poor taste then move on.
Why make it so much heavier then it has to be.
Jokes are relative to the person reading them and any joke HAS to make fun of something or someone, Tis the nature of jokes.
I think the real punch line of this post or at least the one I am taking away is seeing the ridiculous reaction from bored middle America. Whom most of are probably all wearing some form of animal product right now as their typing righteously away. (People check the bottoms of those kicks your wearing.)
Endymnion
ksu499 said ‘The seal thing was the only one that really made me laugh. Good work.’
You need help fast!
andrew
Some of you lot need to chill. And fast.
Jaroslaw
IDNY – I said it was not a joke. Everyone else is dismissing it – THAT is how it turned into the discussion it did.
The fact that everyone is dismissive IS the point. Out of sight, out of mind, ok to make fun of…..therefore irrelevant. Get it?
Jaroslaw
sorry, what I meant to say is my first post simply said it wasn’t a joke. I didn’t launch into an animal rights crusade until—- now read above post.
ksu499
Jaroslaw, I grew up on a farm. I know where food comes from. I can shoot a chicken in the head with a .22 rifle at 20 yards over iron sights. I’ve never actually snapped ones neck, but my mom can do it with either hand. I’ve fed a steer, watched it be slaughtered and then eaten it.
But that has nothing to do with humor. That joke is funny because of the unexpected juxtaposition of images. Humor is very complicated and there have been many studies done of it. It’s very much like a Jesse Jackson joke that went around during the 1996 conventions that played on a negative black stereotype. A black coworker and I had a discussion of the joke because he was surprised at his initial reaction to it when he was told it — he laughed. It was not until a later moment that he felt a little offended. As he said, “it’s wrong, but damn, it’s funny”.
troy
What do you call a gay physician? A fucking Faggot
What do you call a gay attorney? A fucking Faggot
What do you call a gay mechanic? A fucking Faggot
What do you call a gay interior designer? A fucking Faggot
Hey people, its just a joke! Laugh!
Jaroslaw
KSU499 I grew up on a farm too. I had an aversion to meat as a child because I knew what it was but was forced to eat it by my parents. It turns out it is an incredible waste of resources (30,000 tons of carrots per acre or 600 lbs of beef) to say nothing of the pollution. But I digress.
Most of my family grew up on farms and we quickly learned to not empathize with the animals pain and suffering. They are things not sentient beings. Animals are killed and eaten without a second thought. Children are chastised very young for forming “emotional attachments” with animals. You ignore my other posts which talk about social interactions animals have with each other. They play and have some emotional feelings. They definitely feel pain. Please comment on this.
I don’t remember the Jesse Jackson joke but I work in Detroit which is 80% Black and they don’t have to think about whether or not they are offended so I’m not sure if that is a good example. I do understand what you mean though about the juxtapo of the images. I just feel this is inappropriate.
I can’t think of the words but humor OF THIS TYPE, belittles, demeans and dismisses the subject and allows people to continue disregarding the real issue, the suffering and inhumane treatment of the animal.
See the above posts “no one is condoning the clubbing seals.” Really? And humor of this type “raises awareness”? I don’t think so.
Jaroslaw
PS good try Troy, but I don’t think we’re getting through……
Jaroslaw
One more thought, sorry to hog this post –
Did you know a sheep can recognize over 100 different human faces?
This is reasonable – our cows recognized us but either ran away from or challenged strangers.
But to comprehend this, you have to start thinking about animals as beings and not “things.”
ted
Those jokes are hilarious.
The fact that this thread turned into an incredibly stupid discussion about animals rights just goes to show that there’s nothing that proves human idiocy more than unfiltered blog comments.
mds
ted-God who would name there child “Ted”, anyway, “Ted”, Just because animal welfare is a serious issue for others but not for you
does not make it “stupid”. But thats what stupid people do when they have nothing better to contribute, they just call everything that
is above them stupid and then walk away.
Little one
31 · ted said ‘Those jokes are hilarious. The fact that this thread turned into an incredibly stupid discussion about animals rights just goes to show that there’s nothing that proves human idiocy more than unfiltered blog comments.’
Reminds me of Iraq invader, war criminal and 9/11 perpetrator GW Bush who said ‘There is nothing wrong with a dictatorship, as long as I can be the dictator!’ I’m not sure whether he came up with this line by himself or was told to say it by one of his handlers?
You, dear ted, are a perfect Bush material!
Minxy01
LOL!! get a life people quit the booboo lips and laugh!
Freak
@Jaroslaw:
its not like its walking into a club.. its popping out of a hole. The only reason you people are upset about it, is because celebrities decided to be upset about it. The practice has been going on for decades.
Tanner
@IDNY: Fail
Cunningham
@Jaroslaw: Commie Bastard
Schmelzle
@troy: A better Joke . . . . You Mom
Schmelzle
@troy: A better Joke . . . . Your Mom
Schmelzle
@CHURCHILL-Y: Your mom walked into my club