For years, gay men have tried cracking the code for how to determine whether someone is a top or a bottom. Some have suggested climate plays a role in a person’s preferred position. Others say it has to do with how a guy dances. And others say it can be figured out by observing a man’s facial cues and bone structure.
Now, U.K. photographer and creative designer William Baker is saying enough is enough! He is so over this preoccupation with who is the top and who is the bottom, particularly when it comes to dating apps.
Related: How To Tell Whether A Dude Is A Top Or A Bottom, According To Science
“I just have this thing about labels, I just think they’re so bad,” Baker tells The Gay UK. “It’s like this whole top and bottom thing–who the f*ck?–it drives me mad!”
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Baker goes on to say that when it comes to dating and sexual role preference, which partner is penetrated or and which does the penetrating “surely just depends” on the situation and the people involved.
Baker, who is BFFs with Kylie Minogue, is currently promoting his new coffee table book, Book of Igor, which features images of 20-year-old Latvian model Igor Stepanov taken over the course of 18 months and explores the beauty of youth. He says he would much rather talk about that than random guys’ preferred sexual positions.
Related: ASK GRINDR: Are The Terms “Top” And “Bottom” Still Relevant?
What do you think? Is it time we abandoned the top/bottom label system once and for all? Share you thoughts in the comments section below…
DCguy
Another stupid article attacking “Labels”. (Remember the previous articles supposedly against labels but where they wanted to call closet cases “Hetero-Flexible?”
Part of what makes a relationship work is sexual compatibility. In most cases straight people have an easier time with this in general because overall two straight people on a date at least know what goes where if they sleep together.
LGBT people have to communicate better with each other when they first meet to sort this out. If somebody never wants to top and they meet somebody else who never wants to top, guess what, that could cause real problems in the bedroom if they decide to date. These evil “labels” can help them decide on one of many items of compatibility people are looking form.
But no….please, lets have ANOTHER article about how bad “labels” are. (Eye Roll)
Black Pegasus
@DCguy – it’s part of the rampant PC culture that has overtaken college campuses and our political discourse. Every group wants to be a “protected class” but the irony is, it’s those “labels” you hate so much that make you a “protected class.”
BriBri
No worries DCGURL, everyone thinks you have a vagina.
ChrisK
Why does all this advice come from freaks.. I mean contrarian artists I would never talk to in the first place?
notcisjustmale
Can’t find anything to gripe about? Must be time to dredge up the anti-label screed.
1898
ok so this one random guy is vers and thinks labels are annoying. what does that have to do with the rest of us?
the article reads more like an advertorial for his book, with an off-topic click-bait headline
kurt_t
Could it be that William Baker is just holding on to a lot of bitterness and anger because nobody wants to date a guy who talks like a Dr. Seuss character?
enlightenone
“…which partner is penetrated or and which does the penetrating “surely just depends” on the situation and the people involved…” This is what a “versatile” would say. It’s NOT A LABEL, but a preference. As a “bottom” I what to know he’s a top. If you want a dick, a vagina wouldn’t do, right? Preferences are human, and labels are for jars – so you know what you are getting!!!!!!!
jkthsnk
I’ve known a lot of gay men, both in and out of the sack, and very few of them, though the exceptions may be rare, have been exclusively a top or a bottom. For me personally the idea of bottoming is much more attractive than the reality. But every once in a while there’s a guy…
davidkohl
Labels are only labels if that is what is used to exclusively define a person e.g. when we describe someone as disabled. The disability is only one part of the person yet that is the first, and usually only, word used to describe the person. Similarly, whether someone is a ‘top’ or ‘bottom’ is only one part who that person is. In the world of increasingly complex relationships I have yet to see , for example, an online profile or personal add which might only read ‘gay male – top’. There is always a whole lot of other information which helps us decide whether or not we respond. It would be absurd to say that the issue of ‘position’ is not important – of course it is. But it is only one part of the range of reasons for being attracted to a particular person. So I reject this man’s contention that the issue of sexual position is about labelling. It is about compatibility – particularly for those of us who may be exclusively ‘top’ or ‘bottom’.
Fisi
Nah it acts as a filter for me. When a guy asks me if I’m a top or a bottom, I know we’re probably not going to mesh lol
ChrisK
Speaking of filters. If you’re getting together with someone and they get all offended by you asking the sex will be all but guaranteed to suck and not in a good way.
jjsatellite
Absolutely. The labels can go but the need to know which side a person is sexually is an absolute, I’ve personally been bewildered and aghast at t the new “vers” trend..I’m personally very unlikely to read or entertain someone’s profile if it says “versatile.” I’m sure they’re very nice and interesting and loving, but if you can’t stick to one position well—
1898
i’m not so sure that it’s a “new trend.” i’ve been sexually active since the ’90s and i haven’t witnessed or experienced any kind of increase during that time period in the number of people who identify as versatile. I HAVE witnessed and experienced an increase in the number of people who identify as bottom, which i attribute to people being much more sex positive than they were 20 years ago and especially the millennial generation which didn’t grow up with the same stigmas, discrimination, AIDS crisis, etc., that Gen X and older generations experienced.
JerseyMike
Labels are always needed.. I don’t want to waste my time on a full top or a full bottom. Hookup, maybe. Relationship, no. I’m to old to get into something with someone I will have to negotiate position. Being vers isn’t for everyone..
crowebobby
I’m an American who’s been out and pretty active since the late 1950’s (though no longer) and I don’t remember this being a “thing” till recently. Someone might casually mention “I like to be f*cked” and you’d get the idea, otherwise it was just worked out once you got into it. Perhaps that was just my experience because I was versatile so it wasn’t important to me. I must say I’m still a little taken aback when I see butch-looking guys on PlanetRomeo listing “Bottom Only”; and a bit sad when I see “XL Uncut, Bottom Only.”
Heywood Jablowme
“I don’t remember this being a “thing” till recently.”
Indeed, the top & bottom labels weren’t needed we met in real life, at bars or baths or wherever. Even the famous “hankie code” – which was a little before my time, but you may recall it? (or is it a myth?) – was, as I understand it, event-specific: it was what they wanted that particular night, not necessarily how they labeled themselves permanently.
The labels are useful NOW in the era of phone apps and online ads. Again, I doubt these labels are intended to be permanent. It’s just a shorthand way of getting what they want from THAT profile. They might have other profiles that are much different. I’m settled down & a little too old for most of this stuff, but one site I’m familiar with allows you three profiles (i.e. nobody will know the profiles are from the same guy).
OzJosh
Too many men now treat sex like pizza, thanks largely to “dating” apps. They want pepperoni, and they will rigidly exclude anything that isn’t exactly what they want. In doing so they’re missing out. Demanding to see penis photographs up front is now almost the norm. But I can’t remember anyone needing to check genitalia before going home with someone they picked up at a bar. And the old hankie code was, indeed, mostly a myth. I never met more than two people who seriously wanted to label themselves in such a way. But now foreplay really consists of a checklist of what somebody will and won’t do in bed, all worked out by text on Grindr beforehand. The thought of actually exploring and physically negotiating a way through a sexual encounter and seeing it as an adventure would now never occur to some. No wonder everybody is becoming so intolerant.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Top, bottom, vers, AND >SIDE. C’mon let’s have the *full* story.
surreal33
No, it is time abandon the relentlessly forced feminization of gay men!!!
Also, it would nice if we learned to talk to each other instead of playing the asinine mind reading game.
Finally, the truth is 100% sexier than total top bullshit!!!
Herman75
What about lesbians that like it in the azz? Can we please stop labeling them? And then there are straight men that like a bit of dingle in their doodle. Are they really still straight?
Bellamy
I had no idea this was still a thing.
I don’t think people today are hung up on labels, I think people are just upset about labels that don’t apply to them. Like it or not, there is no such thing as “no labels”. Some people think that everyone is heterosexual and that “homosexuals” are merely perverted heterosexuals. Some people think there are no heterosexuals or homosexuals at all but that sexuality is fluid. Some people believe that there are only heterosexuals and homosexuals, and that anything else (like bi-sexuality) is merely a perversion of the two. There are some who believe sexuality of any form is bad. Some people only like it in the butt, some people only like it in the vajayjay, some people don’t like it either way. And guess what? Whether you like it or not those are ALL LABELS! You cannot escape it.
DannX68
In my younger days, before internet and dating apps and all that, I never thought in terms of “top” and “bottom” when meeting a guy out on town. If we were into each other, we went home together and figured it out. This is why I hardly ever hook up with someone online, on profiles and in chat rooms people are so stuck on roles and measurements that it is nigh imossible to find someone you’re compatible with. No, I prefer to hook up IRL, where you can see the person’s movements, smile, eyes.
Brian
I think of the terms as verbs instead of nouns. I won’t say, “I am a top.” I say, “I want to top.” This distinction isn’t nerdy or trivial. Given that the vast majority of gay men are some degree of versatile, I think the verb label would work. Gets the message across without permanently labeling a person.
Side note: Was this article just a twisted way of creating an advertisement? Clickbait headline, no meat on the subject, then a link to a product to buy? What even is news anymore?
Haightmale
If someone has a “thing’ about labels, they can eschew the custom altogether. There are far more important things to worry about than bitching about ‘labels.’ They are inescapable. ‘Gay’ is a label, top bottom and vers are labels, serostatus requires a label, and size is a label. I doubt we’ll ever move away from from them. He thinks the labels are bad, and for most people the labels are a part of our identity, and we aren’t bad so it’s much ado about nothing. Sounds like he might have control issues and a fear of anal sex, and I’m glad it’s his problem and not mine. Cheers!
Roy jiveinthe415.com
JerseyMike
There are men who don’t want to be a bottom. That is ok. There are men who don’t want to be a top. That too is ok. To be honest I think top or bottom roles slowly go away for most as you get older. There are men like myself who love it all and will not have it any other way. I am a true vers. When I watch porn and there is a hot fcuk scene I see myself in both positions. I haven’t always been a vers. I was a total top until I meet what I thought was the man of my dreams. Being sexually fluid/flexible is the only way for me in a relationship. What about the guys who don’t want penetration. Sex isn’t always about penetration. Intimacy and chemistry goes a long way.
1898
good points. i have a friend who is gay but isn’t into anal at all. no topping, no bottoming. but he loves all the oral stuff including rimming. fortunately for him, apps like Scruff give you the option of “oral only” as a position, rather than top/bottom/versatile being the only choices. “oral only” must be a lot more common than many of us realize, otherwise Scruff wouldn’t have added it as an option.
ilcorago
Really? Why not just lay off telling people what they should or shouldn’t or can or can’t do. I’ll be damned if I let some damned photographer tell me how to be gay.
Alan down in Florida
The last time someone online asked me if I was a top or a bottom I answered “I don’t do bunk beds.”
JamJewel
Even ‘vers!’ What’s ‘vers?’ There’s a big difference between wanting it and letting it. The guy who wants it may share his treasures; the guy lets you may never.
Captain Obvious
What a dumb thing to care about. Honestly if there were no bottoms who would the tops be topping? Ironically I’ve come across both tops and bottoms who act like being a bottom is the most terrible thing in the world and somehow an insult.
And both groups who try to use it as an insult just so happen to be absurdly feminine. Clearly a tool used for overcompensating. Every man likes to feel like a man at least some of the time. The attack on bottoming or shame of being one is just plain overcompensation at work.
It all comes down to people viewing a soft man as a bad thing and the dumb idea that a man having a soft side means he’s soft all the time. If you’re confident you know that you’re balanced and couldn’t care less what anyone thinks about it.
This has never truly been about being a “top” or “bottom” so it’s a ridiculous topic. It’s dick waving and nothing more. I’m more alpha than you, more man than you, watch me bark in your face to prove it!
SonOfKings
While it would be nice if we were all versatile and could throw away our labels, the truth is there are some men who can only bottom and others who strongly prefer to top. Therefore, labels are still useful for filtering purposes. In my experience, sex is usually a negotiated settlement and two bottoms can still find ways to play together nicely, just as two tops can.
Jack Meoff
To be honest the most common thing I see on profiles in relation to being top or bottom is when guys state ‘no total bottoms’. I find most guys tend to be vers to some extent and whether they top or bottom depends on the chemistry in the moment.
oaklandmachine
I’m 35. I get that some people greatly prefer one over the other, or one might actually be incredibly unpleasant versus the other. But in my life it’s just never made sense to me to be exclusively top or bottom. Both feel amazing with the right person. Plus, there are lots of other things to do besides anal sex. I love flipping. What can I say?
oaklandmachine
PS, that “book” is the (almost) most vapid thing I have ever seen.