Listen up, kids, it’s time for the labels “top,” “bottom,” and “vers” to disappear forever. Or so says queer performer Willy Hudson.
“We do need to reshape the way we think about sex,” Hudson tells Pink News.
“Top or bottom is something we all talk about and we all joke about but we don’t really challenge it and interrogate it, and think: Is this actually helpful for me?”
Related: Is it time to abandon the top and bottom labels once and for all?
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Hudson is currently on tour in the UK with his show Bottom which is all about, well, bottoming. And topping. And deconstructing the labels gay guys use to identify themselves and others on apps like Grindr and in bars.
“There’s a whole world which is way more than just top, bottom, or vers,” he says. “Sex is about connection, it’s about vulnerability, it’s about intimacy.”
Watch.
What do you think? Is it time to do away with the labels “top”, “bottom”, and “vers”? Take our poll. And share your thoughts in the comments section below.
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PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Sorry 2 bottoms don’t make a top, nor 2 tops a bottom….
One identifies preferences to make sure there is a fit…. (Literally)
Crystix
I’m a bottom
sfhairy
Amen! First the Millenials want to add labels, now they want to take them away.
QueerTruth
I don’t see this as a problem. It’s simply is a preferences. No biggie.
The problem is if you take your preference to mean something larger and meaningful. It doesn’t mean anything more than the preference. For example, when a top falsely feels he’s more masculine, in charge, or somehow “less gay” because his preference is to top. That’s simply not true. That’s when labels are toxic.
Polaro
Fluidity is the issue here. I don’t like the labels because it presumes what I am going to feel like doing before it happens. Makes everything too predictable. Of course, if one is using hook up sex as a fill in for a real intimacy as mentioned in the story, I guess you have to place your order clearly, because it has become a transaction.
bonbon
Vers got you and your fluidity covered.
Crystix
Sounds like a bottom, who dislikes putting “Vers” in their profile cause bottoms keep hitting them up, asking to top them
JAW
LOL.
No one is forcing you to use anything. Perhaps you can be a Trend Setter and use nothing. Or, better yet use Fluid (just make sure guys don’t take that as meaning water sports, unless you are into that).
sfhairy
As another commenter stated, if you’re breaking out the tired old “fluidity” then vers has ya covered. Sometimes you feel like a top, sometimes you feel like a bottom. And sometimes, when you really feel like a bottom, but the guy you’re with is also a bottom, you take one for the team and top him.
Heywood Jablowme
Unfortunately, the labels probably aren’t going away anytime soon because – as we’re often reminded here in Queerty comments – young guys now get ALL of their cues about how to act from porn. When your only “gay culture” reference points are porn and Grindr, this is what you end up with. It’s pretty limiting.
“Top or bottom is something we all talk about and we all joke about but we don’t really challenge it and interrogate it, and think: Is this actually helpful for me?” That’s a good question, but I doubt that most young guys are interested in challenging that or have given it any thought.
PinkoOfTheGange
So toss out the baby with the bath water is the solution?
For the slow ones in this analogy: the very useful words are the baby and the stereotypes are the bathwater.
Creamsicle
Top and bottom are useful labels for ONE sexual act. Granted, it’s an important one, but it’s not like anal sex is everything there is to gay sex, or being gay in general.
When your only connection to “gay culture,” is porn and hook up apps, that’s a recipe for learning to think in terms of convenient labels. Gayborhoods are dying because they’ve been gentrified and flipped, and the queer people who built them can’t afford to live there and run small, queer-friendly businesses any more.
Brian
It’s not the labels that are a problem, it’s the cultural trend of attaching so much meaning to everything in our language. it’s just time to get back to having labels simply be descriptive words, not a person’s entire identity.
UlfRaynor
You’ve nailed it.
People attach to much negative implications to the word bottom.
I call myself verse, though I’m about 80% top, but when my guy want’s it, it’s his and I give up with the same enthusiasm as he does.
I like it because it’s him, he makes it enjoyable for me and I see absolutely no shame in it or the act.
sfhairy
Preach!
DarkZephyr
Agreed. The stigma attached to being a bottom needs to go, too.
Aromaeus
Next generation is free to do whatever but I’m sticking with them for convenience.
Doug
Some guys who like to bottom feel ashamed that they enjoy it… they complain about the labels associated with “top” and “bottom” and they carry the “subservient” roles and images around with them in their heads. I know other guys who like bottoming, see through all the b.s. associated with the label and just enjoy what they like doing. I think the leather community has a more exaggerated definition of what “top” and “bottom” roles are, but I don’t believe the majority of the gay community subscribes to that. “Bottom” line: if you feel bad about what you do and it brings your self-esteem down, either get into therapy or stop doing it altogether.
pwds
I see the leather community gets a broadside here. When doing some research i could not find anything recorded about the beginnings and use of the words Top and Bottom. We are probably talking the 60s, we weren’t really allowed to record anything about ourselves then. . For many homosexuals ( this is pre Gay). anonymous anal sex in a park at night would have been their sum total of gay sex experience. Using one of the words would have made that encounter in the park so easy to negotiate. At that stage having sex in a bed, in a room, in a house was not possible.
Australia had no gay sex education. Homosexuals at the time (who gained some semblance of community by adoption of a leather culture) were kept largely silent and invisible.
Yes they are simple words, yes they only refer to anal sex. and yes (get ready for it folks) they have references to heterosexual sex roles. Consider these men, the conditions they were in, and the information that they didn’t have, i reckon they did all right.
Unfortunately for Versatiles, these naive men could only see the binary. A third sex role is pretty unique in biology and there’s no versatility in heterosexual sex that could have been a model. Its rare to meet a Top or a Bottom who even gives a moments to the connection with heterosexual roles. We’ve grown up and moved on. The submissive role is essential to what is finely tuned sex. We hold Bottoms in high regard and respect them to a degree few Versailles would recognise. We don’t see anyone downtrodden. Again, not our hang up.
I believe that the words Top and Bottom should only only be used to describe the holistic sexual activities the of Tops and Bottoms. Versatile guys shouldn’t be using the words at all, it’s causing so much confusion and I thought they didn’t want too many labels anyway.
A versatile guy cannot be a Top, and he cannot be a Bottom. Believe me the sex is different and we dont instinctually match.
Perhaps he should gain some maturity, Stand up and say, “I’m a versatile guy, tonight I feel like taking it up my arse, and then maybe ill flip for dessert.”.
dean089
Preference is one thing, but some guys use “top” and “bottom” as if they were different species or something. It’s rather telling when guys use assholes to define themselves.
Josh447
I think this guy is looking for an audience with a really non existent hook. It’s actually quite boring. Good luck with that act, it doesn’t work on most.
Creamsicle
Top, bottom, and versatile are helpful labels if you’re looking for someone compatible for penetrative sex. The problem is that the labels have become so emphasized in modern gay culture that we’ve equated penetration with sex, and that’s lead to some people twisting themselves into knots to fit into the label.
Anal is not the end-all-be-all of gay sex. You have an entire body that can feel all kinds of different types of pleasure. Why limit your sex to anal? It betrays a heteronormative standard that only validates sex that is analogous to vaginal penetrative sex.
michel_banen
I wanted to add a comment and then realised I couldn´t say it any better than you already did. I 100% agree.
sfhairy
snore. Most gay men enjoy anal sex, it’s only maybe about 2% that don’t.
Kieru
No David, labels aren’t going anywhere.
Gay is a label. Bottom is a label. Femme and Butch and Liberal are all labels. Labels serve a purpose that is inherently neutral; they provide a generalized context in a single word/term. The problem is not the label, it is the baggage that some people associate to the label.
‘Bottom’ merely means that you prefer to receive (rather than perform) penetrative sex. That is useful information to know when you are meeting a prospective sexual partner. What isn’t useful (or good) is assuming that ‘Bottom’ also means things like: Sissy, Femme, Submissive
The human mind is wired to rely on labels. Every time an article pops up about why labels are bad seems to overlook that labels are only bad when people assume Label = Identity. A label is only useful in providing some broad stroke context toward an individual.
thisisnotreal
Finally someone who seems to get it! Idk about other people but sometimes I feel like the only gay left who actually enjoys things having labels. If nothing else labels help answer things that would otherwise require some very awkward conversations to learn and I for one don’t feel like having those convos.
DCguy
So just to reword what he is saying.
If you go into an Ice-Cream store and the person behind the counter ask you what flavor you want, you shouldn’t give them an answer.
This guy sounds like he has some baggage issues.
djmcgamester
I’m always torn on this issue. On the one hand, I think it would be great if you could go into sex or relationships and discover what works. I spent at least the first decade out as a top. I occasionally would bottom for my bf but wasn’t a fan. Then I met someone who changed things for me and spent a lot of time bottoming. When I look for a bf these days (Tinder, Bumble) I prefer that information be absent. I’d like to think that if we really connected – after a couple of dates – then we could work it out. But that’s me. I know others have a different experience.
sfhairy
LOL that’s cute. Then you get to having sex and you both throw your legs up by your ears. What ya gonna do, pull out the dbl headed dildo and bump your man pussies?
joeboyle49
WELL I BELIEVE WE NEED TO KEEP THE LABELS BECAUSE IM A DOM TOP AND THERES NO WAY ANOTHER TOP CAN PLEASE ME! SO I HAVE TO FIND A BTTM THAT WILL PLEASE ME!
Ashke113
Why, so the millenials can make up new asinine nondiscriptive (but mean the same exact damn thing) Whole Brand New NON Label Labels for the labels that already exist?……next
Rolias81
Two bottoms ain’t trying to bump pumps.
Prax07
Yeah, I’m a bottom, that’s never going to change. My bf is bi, a top with women, and a bottom with men. I’m not a big fan of receiving actual anal, so I “act” as the top by using a dildo on my bf. Labels are helpful.
pwds
Well what are you going to replace them with? We need some sort of indicator of our sex role. I’m a Top. My preference is to have sex with Bottoms, they are my sexual perfect match. I don’t usually hook up with Versatiles. Our three sex roles still need to be identified because with same-same sex it is not initially obvious what the person’s sex role is.
The fundamentals of our sex roles are largely instinctual and driven by the erotic forces of submission and domination. Our sex roles involve far more than just anal sex, any other view is just blinkered. All three sex roles are valid and supported by biology. Often the suggestion is that Versatility just absorbs the Top and Bottom groups, This is deeply insulting. You mean i just have to give up my instinctual method of sexual expression, taken away from me in some genocidal act? I have to adopt a different method of sexual expression that is different from my own and not enjoyable Clearly we are no longer an oppressed minority when we can so easily dismiss and show such disrespect for two of our sex roles. This is not just anal sex we are talking about, what for me is under threat is my opportunity to have holistic and multilayered sex with my logical complimentary group, Bottoms. Sorry Versatile, your sex fails to satisfy me, too much is missing. You can never be a Bottom. I get it that to have Versatility you can’t have fixed roles and labels. Nature has made mine the opposite. Top/Bottom sex must have fixed roles which are inevitably labelled. That’s just one of the differences.
How about we give each other peace rather than threaten Tops and Bottoms with extinction.
Ellenripley
Genocidal act?
Versatiles can’t be a top or a bottom??
Get over yourself dude. Most guys don’t care, it’s sex, most guys experiment and most are versatile. Tops and bottoms are in no danger if they stick to their roles. No one is after you!
dr35
You could also base a relationship on more than where a dick goes, or doesn’t go. To each their own…….. ?
DCguy
This exact same article is literally recycled across all LGBT publications every 3 or 4 years.
Seth
Or we could just let people do as they please.
iamru2
Precise and to the point cutting through all the BS! Congrats to you 🙂
Aires the Ram
Bingo!!
dr35
Thank god there’s some logic.
designdude
Yes.
judysdad
Definitely!
Dwik27
The “labels” exist for a reason. They describe what we do and want out of sex. What IS the problem?
DarkZephyr
“Top or bottom is something we all talk about and we all joke about but we don’t really challenge it and interrogate it, and think: Is this actually helpful for me?”
Its helpful to me! We need to know what we want from each other in the bedroom and what we want to give. Communication is very important for great sex.