We’ve decided to send our straight staffer, Cord Jefferson, on a gay safari. Every two weeks, our “token hetero” will be sent on a mission to experience something super-duper gay and get his perspective on how the other half lives. For his first mission, we decided to ease him into it by sending him to that ever popular source of cheap drinks, the gay book launch party.
I don’t like Florida. Not the humidity, the football teams or the nightclubs. I don’t like Disney. I don’t like the state’s many pockets of racism and I don’t like the hooting hordes that descend upon it in the spring, demanding to see tits soaked with ice water dumped from beer pitchers. I don’t like kids.
By most rights, Florida was made for me, a heterosexual man who likes beer and sun and slippery nude women, and who will probably one day breed a child who – perish the thought – wants to see Mickey Mouse up close. But I just can’t get into it. Even Key West, with its “come-as-you-are” liberal attitude and the fond college memories I have of naked chicken fights in a backyard pool off Duval Street, turns me on much less than friends of mine with similar dispositions.
So it was with mild trepidation that I approached a party for the book Out Traveler: South Florida, by Paul Rubio. Not because it was a gay party – this ain’t my first rodeo – but because the idea of celebrating anything related to our continent’s flaccid member, a gathering place for reptiles and reptilian humans alike, seemed annoyingly misguided. And wasn’t this a state whose population just overwhelmingly voted for an amendment banning gay marriage? What’s there to party about?
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
With brio I entered Vlada, a trendy little Hell’s Kitchen bar, and made a beeline for the bathroom, my MO when forced into unfamiliar events. It allows me ample time to scope out the scene and then consider my options in the stillness and privacy of a toilet stall. My penis in my sweaty hand, I immediately regretted not inviting a friend. I knew nobody there, and it wasn’t the type of party conducive to meeting strangers. Groups of two, three and four people chatted and laughed only the way old, drunk friends do as I bellied up to the bar and ordered a scotch. “It’s a three drink minimum if you’re paying with a credit card,” said the bartender, who was then drowned out by the thumping techno soundtrack. Did he say it was $5 per drink or $9 per drink? I thought. It’s the sort of question I always find myself asking only after I’ve handed over my credit card.
I slammed my highball quickly, inducing the kind of buzz I needed to presumptuously demand Rubio explain to me his silly fascination with Florida. After ordering another, I approached the author’s table, where a heavyset drag queen was signing copies of the book. “Are you Paul Rubio?” I yelled, leaning into her ear. My proximity must have made her uncomfortable, because she lurched back while saying, “No, Paul’s out mingling.”
“Do you know where?”
“No.”
What I really wanted to know next was why she was signing copies of something she didn’t write, but instead – this time from very far away – I asked, “How much for a book?” “$14, but you get a free drink,” she said, her eyes never meeting mine. Having no cash and no real interest in learning more about Florida, I stood at the table and thumbed through a copy. (Here’s the part where I say Out Traveler: South Florida is a thorough, well-researched and well-written travel book, and I recommend it if travel guides and Florida are your thing.) Unfortunately, while I was at the table, Rubio never came by. I thanked the drag queen, who didn’t hear me, and walked away.
At the bar for my third drink, the man next to me, large and swaying like a buoy, clutched a copy of the book in one hand and a sweaty cocktail in the other. Considering this my best opportunity to find out why gays like the Sunshine State, I tapped the man on the shoulder and asked, “Why do you like to travel to Florida?” “I like the ocean,” he said, his steady voice belying his drunken demeanor.
“But what about Prop. 2?”
“Fuck them.” With that he turned away, tipping back the last of his drink and crunching some of the ice in his molars.
I considered then that maybe the reason gay men can enjoy Florida, and many other much worse places for that matter (*cough*LA*cough*), is because of that “Fuck them” mentality. Fuck me and my questions, and fuck anyone out to ruin your good time. It’s unfortunate, but if you map out your life with the intention of avoiding bigots and jerks, the world’s going to be a much smaller place. You can’t miss the beach for the assholes, is the point, and it seems that gay men, who deal with a unique amount of bullshit, are acutely aware of that truism. So go to Florida, I guess.
And why go to a party for a gay book about Florida? To buy a book and get a free drink; that bartender had said $9.
If you have a suggestion for a mission to send Cord on, let us know in the comments.
Sebbe
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let us vote where to send Cord next.
What an awesome article. I don’t know if I was happier with the writing, the observations or the description of Florida (where I must disclose I have an upcoming trip booked to Key West, not my choice). Personally, Cord had me at, “I don’t like Florida”.
If your reading this and you didn’t click above. I implore you to click on the link of cord in drag.
hardmannyc
Sending a straight man to Vlada is hardly very edgy. Vlada is the most straight-friendly gay bar in NYC. The other night I was there and saw a straight couple passionately making out at the bar.
Debby
I live in Florida near Disney and I love it. I am straight and 90% of my friends are gay. I enjoy going to the gay bars and clubs with my friends in Orlando and Tampa. I can go and be myself, drink too much, have a blast and not worry about someone hitting on me.
I attended GayDays last year and thoroughly enjoyed the weekend of pool parties and events at night at the Disney parks.
I have lived in Florida all of my life but haven’t ever been to the Keys until this past October for Fantasy Fest. They Keys are my kind of lifestyle, so I absolutely loved the three nights we spent there partying with other “come as you are” people that attended the almost naked event.
ChicagoJimmy
Best line in the piece was: “our continent’s flaccid member.”
Laughed out loud at that one. Very nicely written, I look forward to the next mission.
Sebbe
@hardmannyc – isn’t integration a good thing? I guess there are points on both sides.
@Debby – Oh Florida, people love it or hate it. Personally hate it.
I also look forward to Cord’s next piece. I still think we should have a vote where to send Cord next. LOL
GayBobVT
“My penis in my sweaty hand, I immediately regretted not inviting a friend.” How many times have I thought THAT!!!
Sebbe
@gaybobvt – LOL, I need a new stag hag to go out with, they are some of the best to go out with because you are not in competition with them. hehe.
Ezekiel
I’m pretty new here, but I have to say — what a GREAT idea for a column! I can’t wait to read more of this in the future!
mikey
Are you sure this is a straight man? It’s refreshing to read something so entertaining on any website these days. He’s a keeper. Send him to Texas next…and not Austin…San Antonio…please observe chola lesbians in their natural settings.
Rick Heintz
Do you think you broke him in enough to send him to IML in Chicago? If he’s not quite ready for that then there is a Furr Party the third Saturday of the month at Cell Block. It’s a party for those that don’t manscape. 🙂
Paul Raposo
Cord’s silly little commentary would matter, if not for not-so-subtle anti-gay jabs made by Cord while at Mollygood towards TR Knight, in his rush to defend Isaiah Washington, after Washington’s on-set and subsequent attacks against Knight. Dressing up in drag doesn’t remove the ugliness of those posts, Cord. After all, you can’t make a silk purse out of a douchebag. But I will keep reading Queerty even with Cord’s punitive essays because, as Cord pointed out:
It’s unfortunate, but if you map out your life with the intention of avoiding bigots and jerks, the world’s going to be a much smaller place.</i
charles
@Paul Raposo: Oh please, it’s just a blog-I can’t believe anyone could be mortally offended by a blog post about two C-list celebrities on an overrated nighttime soap opera.
I loved this post-it showed the rudeness you often find at a gay gathering, but from an outsider’s perspective, which was really interesting. I think the “fuck them” mentality sucks, because at a certain point, it becomes “fuck everyone” and that catches up with you in the worst way. I can understand that mentality in a unsafe place, like small town Florida, but it seems like a lot of gay guys just carry that mentality around to every single setting and encounter they have.
kevin (not that one)
Loved this article! Very well written, Cord!
Thank you for going places that even THIS gay man would avoid.
By the way, I’ve lived in Florida and it’s bizarro world down there. Racist homophobic rednecks, Cubans, and retirees.
Dawster
after your first paragraph… was was man-crushing…. LOL.
Sebbe
@Paul Raposo – I can not speak as to Cord’s post on other jossip sites, but I loved what he did here and look forward to reading more from him.
kevin (not that one)
@charles: Two thumbs up, Charles.
Paul Raposo
@charles:
it’s just a blog
With a commentary section. I suggest you do a search of Cord’s posts on TR Knight and read what Cord’s readers really think.
I can’t believe anyone could be mortally offended by a blog post about two C-list celebrities on an overrated nighttime soap opera.
Can you believe being offended by anti-gay commentary? It’s not about celebs, it’s about a blog master’s belief that since a gay person is in the public eye, they are free game for anti-gay commentary. And that being anti-gay, to Cord at least is a black person’s right, because according to Cord, black people have it much worse than gay people.
@Sebbe:
I can not speak as to Cord’s post on other jossip sites
Then I suggest you do a search on Mollygood and see what Cord wrote about TR Knight in particular and gays in general.
@kevin (not that one):
It’s this kind of apathy that helped Prop 8 pass.
Jaroslaw
Very clever. Where is the link to see Cord in drag?
spottsy
@Paul Raposo:
I looked up some of the posts Cord posted on Mollygood about TR Knight (http://www.mollygood.com/he-was-outed-now-hes-out-20070129/#comments) because I was having a hard time remembering him ever posting “not-so-subtle anti-gay jabs” (or even subtle ones for that matter). I really can’t understand what made you upset about the posts. True, there were some comments from readers that were most assuredly “anti-gay”, but there wasn’t anything in the posts themselves that were discriminatory. If anything, he was commenting on his abilities as an actor. Maybe you should re-read the posts and enlighten us with evidence and specifics rather than make sweeping generalizations that don’t much prove a point.
hardmannyc
The only place where he’d be really interesting is the Black Party, but that’s probably a foregone conclusion.
kevin (not that one)
@Paul Raposo:
Paul, I’m going to get my waterhose if you don’t watch it. No one here is apathetic to the reality we queers live in. And the topic at hand is this article, not some other that Cord has written.
There are people on both sides of the fence who could stand a little reaching across to shake hands. We don’t have to accept each other 100% at face value or think the same thoughts to appreciate what makes each of us unique.
I thought THIS article was fairly insightful and funny, and I actually agree with much of what Cord has written. I appreciate an outsiders perspective, if only because they aren’t wrapped up in ways that we are. I hope Cord continues to post here.
Sebbe
I say we send Japhy’s straighty roommate with Cord on at least one assignment!!
@Jaroslaw – did you see the link about where he’s talking about this isn’t his first rodeo.
Jaroslaw
Must be a color vision deficiency thing for a few certain colors. After you pointed it out, I found the link. I didn’t notice your name was a different color either until you pointed it out.
Jaroslaw
(Thanks)
Paul Raposo
Unfortunately, Mollygood as we once knew and loved it is gone.
However, here is one nauseating bit:
Listen, I know he’s going through tough times and all, but being the noticeably depressed wet blanket while everyone’s heaping approval on you is selfish and bitchy, both of which are really bad gay stereotypes.
And Some of Cord’s responses in the comments section:
Knowing that, for an actor to be really glum at an awards show they’re winning at comes off as selfish and rude. Why can’t he just play happy that night?
Here Cord gets pissy because co-star Katherine Heigl didn’t save Washington’s ass:
http://tinyurl.com/al4xpg
Katherine Heigl, of My Father the Hero fame, tells Entertainment Weekly that Isaiah Washington thanked her for helping him see the error of his ways following an incident in which Washington called Grey’s Anatomy costar, TR Knight, a “faggot” (that’s even getting boring to type).
Isn’t that lovely! Cord was bored with all this silly talk of anti-gay slurs, to the point that his precious digits were far too spiritless to even type the word.
And Cord gets upset that Heigl didn’t “save” Washington’s career:
Where was she with all this information of penitence when it could have helped salvage a man’s career? She said he approached her on set. That must have been weeks ago–possibly months. She waits until now? Wonderful.
Because after all, it’s everyone else’s responsibility to keep Washington from shouting slurs and assaulting co-workers.
When a commentator asks this question:
Does no one else see the irony in that a black person is being overly-vilified by a white person?
Cord responds with this:
I don’t see it as being ironic. I see it as being vestigial.
And what does Cord mean? At the heart of all white people is racism. So now not only is Washington a “victim” of other people’s refusal to cover his as for anti-gay slurs; but he is a “victim” of racism, as MVGF John Santos points out.
Here he defends Washington’s anti-gay slur as his simply not “jibing” with our beliefs:
http://tinyurl.com/bghc9b
In light of these developments, as well as the Imus scandal, we must ask ourselves if what we now expect out of our celebrities is not only good work, but also beliefs that jibe with our own.
Here you can read Mollygood’s readers replies to John Santos’ comments. You won’t, however, be able to read John’s comments because Cord scrubbed them:
http://tinyurl.com/d3qbpu/
Included is Cord’s assertion that John Santos pointing out the anti-gay comments on Mollygood makes John an “alarmist”:
I’m more than fine with their support, I appreciate it. And, yes, I’m proud of my work. You’re an alarmist. The petition looks great.
Gordon, Jballs bemoaned people who attempt to take situations that don’t involve bigotry and mold them to fit their alarmist agenda. I agree with that sentiment, and I’ve written against that sort of behavior here Next, Courtney said she wanted to throw a brick at him. Of course, I’m not an advocate for violence, but John immediately assumes she wants to hurt him because he’s gay, even though she hadn’t mentioned his sexuality at all. While they didn’t know it at the time, Jballs was actually attacking John for what John’s response would be to Courtney. See? Alarmism. Best, Cord
Paul Raposo
@kevin (not that one):
No one here is apathetic to the reality we queers live in. And the topic at hand is this article, not some other that Cord has written.
You might wish that the topic remain this particular post. However, that doesn’t change the fact that the author of this post has made comments that can be construed as anti-gay in nature. And he also sat on his hands while readers left anti-gay comments on the blog that he edited.
We don’t have to accept each other 100% at face value or think the same thoughts to appreciate what makes each of us unique.
The difference is one of those hands belongs to a group of people who routinely make our lives more difficult to live, than they already are. You want to shake hands with people who have the upper hand, then go ahead. But don’t bitch when your arm gets twisted out of the socket.
I thought THIS article was fairly insightful and funny, and I actually agree with much of what Cord has written. I appreciate an outsiders perspective, if only because they aren’t wrapped up in ways that we are. I hope Cord continues to post here.
The only reason you liked this article is because it was written by a straight man. If a gay writer had penned this you’d be bellyaching about how he’s self-hating and bitchy.
kevin (not that one)
@Paul Raposo: Paul, please stop making assumptions, both about how I’d react to a gay writer vs. a straight one or about Cord’s supposed homophobia. Not all of us are self-hating, straight worshipping dupes.
There are folks in the LGBT community who have written and continue to write things far more anti-gay than Cord has, I’m specifically thinking of Andrew “no fats, no fems” Sullivan and Camille Paglia. I don’t have a double standard nor is my defense of Cord’s article an admition of some imaginary internalized homophobia you’ve dreamt up. It was a great article. Funny, entertaining, and spot on.
If you’ve got something to say, say it and let it be. But you are turning this into a campaign, probably because you are one of those people who don’t feel alive unless you are fighting against something or other. Well, good for you. The real fight is happening in the churches, county clerks offices, schools, adoption centers, and blood drive mobiles all around this country. Start there – then come back to Queerty.
Sebbe
@kevin (not that one) – He (paul raposo) IS turning it into a campaign, more so because nobody gives a shit and isn’t paying the slightest attention at his attempts to dissect someone’s words and quotes. More so, someone who is obvious not “anti-gay” or “homophobic”.
Does anyone else feel like your listening to a scorned ex-lover?
Sebbe
@Jaroslaw – LOL
Paul Raposo
Paul, please stop making assumptions…or about Cord’s supposed homophobia.
The evidence of Cord’s anti-gay comments have been presented here. That you refuse to see them for what they are says a great deal about you.
There are folks in the LGBT community who have written and continue to write things far more anti-gay than Cord has…Camille Paglia.
And I’ve written what I think of Paglia here in previous comments. Whereas Paglia’s anti-gay rhetoric is obvious, Cord’s is subtle, thus making it more dangerous.
If you’ve got something to say, say it and let it be. But you are turning this into a campaign, probably because you are one of those people who don’t feel alive unless you are fighting against something or other.
Cord has a history of making anti-gay comments. Not just on Mollygood, but when he wrote for a paper while in LA. I have not been able to find the link to an article he wrote wherein he made some disparaging remarks about LA gay men. When I find that article I will post it here.
The real fight is happening in the churches, county clerks offices, schools, adoption centers, and blood drive mobiles all around this country.
Don’t make assumptions about what the “real” fight is, Kevin.
Paul Raposo
Oddly enough, he doesn’t see his own anti-gay attitudes in his writings, yet sees racism on magazine covers:
The Vogue cover is inexcusable for this reason: Even if the photo was not intentionally alluding to the ape imagery of yesteryear, Annie Leibovitz and Anna Wintour, “experts” on imagery that they are, should have been able to look at that photograph and realize what sorts of feelings it would evoke in the public. At worst, the picture’s racist, at best, it’s evidence of glaring ineptitude.
http://tinyurl.com/bm4yu8
Ironically, he listed as being from Queerty.
Sebbe
OMG, uncle japhy, uncle japhy – paul won’t STFU
“Ironically” – Paul r u jossip’s business manager now as well? Cord is listed on the front page as Managing Editor of this site.
Paul Raposo
@Sebbe:
“Most men make little use of their speech than to give evidence against their own understanding.”
–George Savile
Sebbe, you, like Kevin, have decided Cord is the second coming just because he went to a gay book launch party. No amount of evidence I provide will sway you from that belief. But that will not stop me from providing evidence.
Paul Raposo
@Sebbe:
Hey Sebbe, go fuck yourself. I’ve been here a hell of a lot longer than you, boy. I was on this shit when it was still edited by Dan Renzi, and I’m not too very concerned about a pissant like you. Your type comes and goes, with nothing but your absurd meanderings left behind like so much shit.
Sebbe
@Paul – Might I suggest that you draft a well thought out letter to David with a cc to Cord then. I’m sure he will read every word with batted breath and if necessary take appropriate action.
And yes you are correct. While I up until a few hours ago was a merely a fan of Cord. I now want to have his babies after defending him and looking at your “evidence”.
Paul Raposo
@Sebbe:
Cord is listed on the front page as Managing Editor of this site.
Which is odd considering Cord drove Mollygood and Stereohyped into the ground. Only in internet media can you fail upwards.
Paul Raposo
@Sebbe:
And yes you are correct. While I up until a few hours ago was a merely a fan of Cord. I now want to have his babies after defending him and looking at your “evidence”.
Not unusual, Sebbe. Like too many unfulfilled gay men, you lust at the feet of straight men. Don’t expect to find with straight men, what you never looked for in gay men, Sebbe.
Paul Raposo
@Sebbe:
“Ironically” – Paul r u jossip’s business manager now as well? Cord is listed on the front page as Managing Editor of this site.
I’m not even going to touch the fact that a LGBTQ oriented blog has a straight man as managing editor. Cord must have pictures of David dressed as Hitler fucking a donkey.
kevin (not that one)
Oh, Lord. I think I need a drink….and I’m clean and sober.
Sebbe
@kevin (not that one) – just ignore and like I said, “Does anyone else feel like your listening to a scorned ex-lover”?
Sebbe
Since clearly Cord is my new BFF, and Ru has taught me more about drag than I thought possible, my bf reminded me about this post from awhile back about when Cord went into drag by Adrian Acosta with more pixs. Check it out if your interested. @ Jaroslaw – the link is directly below, I’m kidding, LOL
http://www.queerty.com/the-new-issue-princess-cordless-20070914/2/
Paul Raposo
@Sebbe:
just ignore and like I said, “Does anyone else feel like your listening to a scorned ex-lover”?
If anyone cared about your opinion, Sebbe, they’d be reading your blog.
Moishe Feinbaum
“Their Majesties enjoyed a gay evening at the Apollo Theatre and were
graciously pleased to allow the director, Mr. Oscar Wilde ( a
notorious Irish sodomite), to entertain them.”
Taking turns pawing Lord Alfred Douglas, no doubt – filthy beasts!
What a pity Unki’s great-grandfather wasn’t there to parade the
famous, fabulous, family buttocks around – Unki might have been Lord
Tallaght today and persona non grata at the Palace for having slipped
a length or ten to the Royal Wives of Windsor – Di, Fergie, Ann, Zara,
Sarah Chatto… all tasteful alabaster buttocks fanciers!
Ah, life as it should have been… (Visions of mesel pocketing the
wheesht money to keep Lord Unki de Talaght’s name out of the News of
the World and the Waterford Weekly…)
HYHYBT
“But that will not stop me from providing evidence.” Then provide some already. *None* of the quotes you posted above from Cord read as anti-gay without a lot of twisting, and unless Jossip has some rule that dissenting comments must be deleted, those aren’t relevant either.
Paul Raposo
@HYHYBT:
You know what? I really don’t care anymore.
When Cord took over Mollygood, John and I protested and were ridiculed. Cord encouraged his readers to treat us like shit and did his best to do the same. When we would not capitulate, we were banned from posting and our comments scrubbed.
We talked about starting another petition to save Queerty. The last petition against Cord had 179 signatures to get rid of the man.
http://tinyurl.com/ck9dg6
Those people were ignored and ya know what? Mollygood is gone. We called the failure of Mollygood under Cord’s direction and were laughed at…but here we are.
Cord ruined Stereohyped. A fine blog giving a voice to black Americans, was destroyed after Cord turned it into a vanity site and concerned himself with nothing other than himself.
David has–for some inexplicable reason–decided that Cord is his golden child, even with evidence to the contrary. So I’m going to sit back and make one prediction: Within 12-14 months Queerty as we know it will cease to exist.
Cord has been testing the waters with his stupid celeb fluff pieces and posts that have nothing to do with the LGBTQ community. Many readers have questioned those posts and their protests were ignored. Readers complained about the media intense changes to the blog, causing it to load slowly and make it difficult to navigate, read and post. They were ignored.
Eventually, Queerty will have no agenda; especially that gay one, and this will become yet another vanity project for Cord. And it will fail, just like everything else he touches.
And when all of you have finished with your circle jerk around Cord and have no where else to go, don’t bitch and moan about it. You let this happen with your het worship and getting wet just because a straight man happened to acknowledge your existence. Mark my words, Queerty will be gone and it will be mostly Cord’s fault, but a lot of the blame will also rest on your shoulders.
mikey
Cord, call me, I’d rather spend time shooting the breeze with you than with the bitchy queens above…it’s Oscar weekend and their brain cell with be directed to the Angenline/Jennifer crap…
Sebbe
@mikey – LOL