Through this process I have come to learn that the butterfly doesn’t contradict the caterpillar. The butterfly is the next stage of the caterpillar’s development after it has surrendered to its next level. And much like the caterpillar, I was resistant to that transformation but you can only resist for so long before nature/God pulls you, the caterpillar, the rest of the way. Because what the caterpillar and the butterfly want are two totally different things. The caterpillar is ok with walking around slowly, from place to place, living a somewhat mundane life eating leaves all day. But the butterfly wants to spread its wings and fly, showing off the silent beauty that has been created.
I’ve spent my life doing everything and getting everything I wanted never having to use anger or violence and I think that speaks volumes about who I am and the power that lies within me. I am a natural born agent of change, though it took some time to come to know that, and now I know the proper use for my life and my gifts, to heal people through my work be it comedy or acting or writing. We’re all here to leave our marks and heal the world, leaving it a better place than we found it. Unfortunately we all don’t wake up to that fact in this lifetime. I now know that it doesn’t matter if I am black, white, blue, green, straight, gay, bisexual, or a motorcycle, as long as I live my life according to the will of God/the universe as I understand it and it’s intention for me.
At this point, I am no longer concerned with acceptance. My life will be my life and I have to live it for me. I will not fight to change anyone’s beliefs; I merely offer up an alternative way of seeing things, something not traditionally done in the black community, seeing how religiously we’re set in very old ways. Believe for me what you want, wish for me what you will but I already know the great things that are in store for me. You don’t have to like who I am, you don’t have to love who I am, but regardless of how you feel, I’m going to be me. You can choose to stay a part of me life or if you disagree with who I am then don’t. I would much rather you be truthful about your feelings for me as a friend than to be fake. I’m four years from 30; I’m a big boy now I can take it.
I’m not telling anyone how to run their family, raise their children or what to teach is acceptable to them, but I know for a fact, my child will never be taught to hate or dislike anyone simply because of who they are or claim to be, or what some book tells them. Hate and separation has never solved anything in this world but love, unity, and equality has created the world as we know it today. I do know that when blacks were fighting for equal rights the Bible was used to defend not giving those rights and left up to the people to vote and decide, blacks still wouldn’t have rights today. But it took a brave man in President Lyndon Johnson to recognize that telling people they weren’t equal because they were born a different color was wrong and what was being done to black people was wrong and he signed the civil rights act on his own volition.
Today people like myself all over the world are in the middle of our very own civil rights movement fighting once again, against religion and the bible to be seen as societal equals and 50 years from now when history books tell the tale, those young people will read in disbelief that the same wrongs were perpetrated twice when the example was already laid forth on how to prevent it. A lot of people will find themselves on the wrong side of history. Ironically even after the civil rights movement only 50 years ago, the entire black community might find itself there as a whole.
Some may wonder why I chose today to do this, though I’ve been hard pressed to do so in the wake of all the bullying and suicides taking place. Well as funny and trivial as it may seem, I had been receiving a lot of “signs” if you will, pushing me to this point. So today when I received an email from WordPress for the “post a day 2011? challenge and todays topic was “write about something you’ve never told anyone and explain why”, it seemed pretty compelling that today was the day don’t you think?
So to my friends and family, including my awesome sister and mother who have already had the privilege of knowing this information, I would like to say thank you very much for you love and support throughout this process because I couldn’t have done it without you. And to my friends and family just learning of this, I just say accept me as I am, as you’ve known me my whole life, or don’t. Because if I have proved nothing to you, I have proved that LGBT people are just as normal, kind and talented as anyone else in the world and who you love makes no difference in how you live.
How does this affect my comedy and acting career? Will it stop me from booking clubs or getting hired for acting jobs? who knows for sure. But I believe the added element of truth will make it a whole lot easier to be myself, write funnier material, write truthful material, and that’s good enough for me. Hopefully my story, work, and life can serve as hope to someone else because the world could use a lot less people in the closet that’s for sure. I just pray that my ultimate truth takes me to the place and places where I truly belong. The photos you see are in no particular place for a particular reason; just different moments of my life in all its many different forms its taken.
Hopefully I can be one more chip at the wall of homophobia in the world and especially the black community, where so many other people like myself suffer in silence or are banished from their homes and disowned by family because of who they are. It’s a very big problem and I will spend my life doing what I can with the talents I’ve been given to strip the black community of this illness. We can’t continue to be moral, ethical, and historical hypocrites in black America toward the LGBT community.
Dr. Seuss said “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” and this is a lesson I now take to heart, because I have just committed to doing just that. If you want to stop being my friend then by all means do just that, but if you want to continue the friendship that we have, then by all means, do that as well. I will no longer life my life for other people or for the wrong reasons. I’m no longer letting my real life pass me by. I hope this finds you all well and I wish you all the most high blessings and love. Both supporters and haters, I love all you guys. No Homo.
This post originally appeared on FREEdom Of Speech and is republished here with permission.