Trolling Tuesdays: It’s A Religious Experience

It’s Tuesday, kids. Do you know what that means? Well, yes, it’s nearly Wednesday. And, yes, we’ve all survived another (manic) Monday.

More importantly, however, it means it’s time for Trolling Tuesdays: that extra special, extra disturbing and, at time, extra revolting part of the day when we feature some of the more – how do we say this politely? – fucked up sex-verts found on Craigslist.

Now, without further ado, we present this week’s unedited Trolling Tuesdays…

Let’s start off which this dude from Atlanta. He’s obviously exceedingly generous. Or just figures he can find some hard-up homo to do his dirty work for him. And, also, addresses people as “guy,” which is never a good sign:

hey there guy, I need to shave my balls and ass crack and was going to do it myself but figured I’d post an ad on here since it’s a trun on for some guy to do it. I figured why not let someone get off on something they enjoy and I get shaved

40yo 5’9” 140 br/bl 7c here

get back to me with pic, stats and location and when is a good time for you to get the razor out. Also let me know if you have experince doing it.

If we were going to let some strange “guy” shave your balls, we’d definitely ask for experience first, not last. But, different strokes for different folks, especially when it comes to Tuesday Trolling.

Speaking of different strokes, we knew we were in trouble when we found “Man’s Best Friend” out of Minneapolis:

Laid back guy looking for guys that love their dogs and are up for some Hot KINKY Fun. Looking to meet other guys into this. 31, 5’9″, 240, moderately hairy, brown/green, beard, versatile. I am up for fun, chat, or whatever.

Just a reminder – we don’t edit these. This fool put “kinky” in all capitals. Also, we’d like to point out that he didn’t specify a dog breed – woof!

Alright, the next ad comes ot us from New York. A reader sent it to us last week and it’s since been removed. Luckily, our intrepid reader sent the text to “Alterboy Seeks Priest (Daytime)”. And, again, no editing:

Alterboy seeks Priest for daytime religious instruction. Begin alterboy training with confession. Make me demonstrate how I sin when I’m alone, while you assign an appropriate penance. Make me kneel and receive the host orally. Dismiss my boyish hesitation and resistance by reminding me of my duty. Lead me to take comfort in knowing that it’s not up to me, that God has chosen me to serve him in this way, until I reluctantly submit to your will. Lay your healing hands upon my head, and make me hymn on your pipe organ until it fills me with your grace. Then, reward me in some way. Tell me I was good for doing as I was told. In an effort to make me forget what just happened, get me drunk on sacramental wine. When I am overcome by the alcohol,(as I am just a boy,) lay me down so that I may recover from it’s affects. As I fall fast asleep, violate my trust. Hold me down and let your glory penetrate me in the rectory, again and again, until I sing like a choirboy. When you’ve finis hed, and I lay naked, used and ashamed, pet me and tell me again how I was good, and how proud you are of me for doing as I was told. Then, do it to me all over again. Have me dressed and out the door by 4pm, or I’ll be late for supper. I need religious instruction weekdays until 4, so this might not be for today. I may reply anytime in the future. Only clergymen with pics and stats in first email get reply. Please be 40-60, any race, but not too hairy. Disease free. God bless.

Either this person’s making a political statement or they’re in love with religious wordplay. Either way, it’s disgustingly brilliant

The boys sure are gracious in Southbend, Indiana:

I posted here Friday night and got ten quality responses, all from guys in the area. I hooked up with one of them and had a ball, so to speak (maybe next time I’ll invite two or more). Very nice,good-looking, horny guy with a great 8″ cock who gave me a proper fucking. Thanks Craigslist and thanks Mike!

So, for all you city kids looking to get laid, head out to the Midwest. It’s popping!

Finally, we have a question – why do people do this: SeeKING ABoVE aVg ENDoWMeNT FoR gAg FrEE FUN – 30. Is there some sort of code in there we can’t read? Wait, maybe we should put our confusion in code: WTF?? Comprende? Anyway, this person’s apparently not very picky. He just wants a big cock:

Very FRIENDLY(and u no what friendly means) guy still doing the friendly thing looking for any guy who is hung well above average and thick who is looking for a long hot silky smooth deepthroat session. don’t care too much about your looks( as a preference i like avg regular guys)just be clean and serious about kicking back getting that cock and those balls serviced. hosting on the hill.. stocky or husky build guys who are well hung to the front.. and no pics all the way to the back back. no pic= (say it with me ) no response. and pluses are guys who can blow more than one load.. or guys who like to recieve and edge for a long time..31yo 6’1″ 190lbs med build 8×6 cut thick.

Alright, that’s pretty run of the mill. To be honest, we only included it so we could include the picture:
Very artsy.

Now, we have to go take a shower. We feel grimy. As for you lot, we know you’re out there trolling. And we know you’re finding some freaky things. Send ’em our way. We need ’em. We need ’em bad.