“When I was about five, I remember feeling like I was scared because I knew something was different about me. I always felt that I kind of knew.
My parents were always really open-minded, I didn’t grow up in a homophobic household at all, but even so, somehow I knew that it was not the norm and I thought that it was not OK. Even at a really young age, I don’t know where that influence came from but it was there.
I remember I cried when I realized that I thought Zac Efron was really hot. I cried. And felt really sick.
I went away and started doing my research, that was when I started to become a lot more comfortable.
I watched coming out videos on YouTube and heard people speaking about their experiences and realized that I wasn’t a freak.”— Troye Sivan speaking to Attitude about his self coming-out process.
Related:
Greg
I guess I always knew I was different than other boys. I liked boys from a young age. In 8th grade I had my first thought of sucking my friend’s penis, and I started to fall in love with him. I never thought that it meant I was gay. I continued to pretend to be straight, even though I liked boys. I didn’t realize and accept that I am gay until I was 19. I didn’t feel sick or cry or anything. Even though my family didn’t like f*aggots, I had to be who I am. If I had a choice to not be gay, I wouldn’t take it. No way do I want to be with women. But now I find that I’m also different than other gay boys.
Kieru
It’s somewhat sad to me that a person Troye’s age still experiences that sense of “otherness” when first learning to recognize your own sexual orientation. We’ve made such strides with equality and representation that I guess I had hoped that this effect would be lessened, because LGBTQ+ persons are something you see more often today.
That being said… the rest of his comment give me some hope. When he felt ashamed and ill he had a variety of resources available to him to help him connect with the community and understand that his feelings were perfectly natural.
That network of resources was non-existent not too long ago. Coming to terms with your sexual orientation was much, much more isolated and isolating for most.
Cory
ur cute! nice lips
Bubbleandsqueal
Exactly! I cried and felt sick watching BAYWATCH.
ProfessorMoriarty
LOL
Donston
I don’t recall ever having some precise moment of official realization, just an understanding but slight confusion over not feeling the same way about girls as boys. Also, girls couldn’t make me nervous in that sort of way, and that I was just more intrigued by a guys’ bodies and faces. I guess that slow realization happened around middle school, which I assume is the case for most.
Condor221
I was 6 when it started to hit me that I was different, but I never felt alone. As I grew up, many teen boys were having sex with each other and so I never picked up any complexes. I’m one of the lucky ones I guess, I have never looked back, and have a husband of 44 years.
WindsorOntario
Unfortunately…what seems to be true today is that many men experience these online/visual crushes over other men who are often extremely good looking, athletic, young and successful. When you spend enough time online fantasizing and fawning over that type of person, you start to think in real life every gay man you encounter will be that way – the line between fantasy and reality is blurred.
Then what happens when one actually comes out is this – there are no Zac Efrons. There are no rich, overeducated, body perfect 20 year olds waiting in line to meet you. There are men who happen to like other men. Some are 60. Some are 400 pounds. Some have missing limbs. Some are gorgeous. Some are not nice people. Some are on welfare and food stamps. This is the point where many guys are devastated because this image they have been tricking themselves to believe will be there when they come out is nowhere to be found; they feel lied to and duped when all along they built it up in their minds.
This is what happens when the gay community no longer speaks to each other and we are all sitting at home looking at pictures of young straight guys who we think would be ‘good enough’ to talk to us. When it’s one of our own gay community members, nobody cares because he’s not good enough or too old or too fat or something.
radiooutmike
I had a bunch of small realizations that I just could not deal with at the time. I just immediately shoveled them to a different closed off area in my brain. My issue was that i did not usually string these things together. And of course, some of those things involved having sex with guy. Oh dear.
I might be really late to the party, but I am glad I am finally here.
nitejonboy
I’d take Troye over Zac anyday….what a beautiful man!!!